He wants a list !! Help!! (different, relations, abusive, party)
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Thanks everyone. I thought I was advising her correctly but just need confirmation. I sent her a link to this topic in a secret email that we set up for us to communicate in and he doesn't know about it.
Keep responding the more the better.
Make sure she's using a computer that she does NOT share with him because he may have a keylogging program on the computer. If he does, then anything you or your sister think are private, he will know everything. he will have her password to get into her emails, he would know every step she's about to take.
Fast ... QUICK ... get to a good divorce lawyer ... don't put anything in writing.
Daughter and Ex were going to do the nice, sweet parting of ways divorce. They lived in one of our rental houses ... soooo daughter says I will go away this weekend and you get your things out of the house. She returned home and everything that was paid for was gone ... no bedroom suite ... nowhere to sleep ... no kitchen table and chairs. He did leave one plate, one fork, one spoon, one knife and in court had the nerve to say that to the judge.
Unfortunately, sometimes a divorce can get right nasty. Talk to a lawyer and best wishes to your sister.
My ex-husband did this to me. I am the one who left. I took whatever clothes I could fit into my car. I fully intended to come back and get my cat and the rest of my things. He had the locks changed and boarded up all the windows so I could not get in or see inside. When I finally got a court order to go into the house to get my things, the place was empty. I had just purchased a brand new refrigerator and it was gone. All of the furniture - gone. Sure, there were some crappy things left, like plastic cookie cutters, but everything was gone. I don't even have a high school yearbook anymore because he took it and wouldn't let me have it back.
Make sure your sister is represented well and that she does not give away anything to her STBX. If she intends to take things with her - take it all in one trip because it may not be there next time she goes back.
Last edited by Twinkle Toes; 01-26-2008 at 12:22 PM..
Each of the couple should have an attorney. If they really can agree, google collaborative divorce for a set of attorneys who will, non-adversarially, help them make an agreeable separation.
If they can't agree, have your sister call the legal services plan for referral to a lawyer, 800/323-4620. The plan is not free and I am not affilliated with it in any way.
I worked as a divorce lawyer for over a decade and I remain convinced that no divorce should ever be handled by one attorney. That lawyer can only represent one side.
Okay, being nice would work if everybody wanted the same things. BUT in a divorce you will often see the ugly side of people. TELL HER SHE NEEDS AN ATTORNEY NOW. I am still playing "escape" cuz I tried to be nice. Every darn thing I said he used against me in court. My mind is relaxed cuz I took the high road but my checkbook is mighty unhappy! Lawyers have a purpose-tell her to use one.
Even if the separation/divorce is a mutual decision she should at least go talk to an attorney like everyone suggests. I'm all for keeping down costs if you can, but you should know the laws and have all your questions anwered first or you may end up making a huge mistake.
Just read your other posts that she is in an abusive relationship. Definitely see a lawyer, and don't do a list. Maybe the lawyer can help so she can leave because she is afraid to stay there without losing the money she put in the house. She really needs to decide what is more important though. Her and her childrens life and future, or the money she put into the house. I'd dump the house and run as afst as I could, but I know she's not thinking clearly. She probably feels trapped. Or maybe she's just too scared and is using that as an excuse.
Just read your other posts that she is in an abusive relationship. Definitely see a lawyer, and don't do a list. Maybe the lawyer can help so she can leave because she is afraid to stay there without losing the money she put in the house. She really needs to decide what is more important though. Her and her childrens life and future, or the money she put into the house. I'd dump the house and run as afst as I could, but I know she's not thinking clearly. She probably feels trapped. Or maybe she's just too scared and is using that as an excuse.
I would not leave without talking to an attorney and a domestic violence place.
They deal with these types of circumstances everyday! She has to think of her children and their future as well as hers. Domestic Violence place confidential, helpful and a support system that understands what is needed to be done!
Part of handling the women is scaring them into submission!
Beating them and verbally assaulting them is all part of the control.
I know she is scared into submission. I had her come to my house and sit down and read all of these replies Saturday. I think she is going to do a free consult with an atty if nothing else. That is what I am pushing for. I think it is the first thing we should do before we do anything else. She is starting to open up to me a little more, which is good. So maybe I am getting somewhere. However, she still has everything in a holding pattern. So I am waiting on her to decide when she wants me to help her get this all started. I am ready. He needs to be out of there. I did get her to burn the list she started and she agreed not to give him one. Thank goodness. I just hope she sticks with it and that he doesn't threaten her into making one. I told her if she did I would break her arm and she wouldn't have to worry about hubby. Time will tell.
Thanks for all of your replies. It is helping me to understand more each day.
If they both get aggressive attorneys, they will fight like mad, end up completely hating each other and lose everything that they have. Another option is to hire an attorney mediator. They pay one attorney and negotiate everything. The attorney mediator is familiar with family law and can tell them the likely outcome of any given dispute that arises. However the attorney mediator does not have loyalty to one side or the other. Unless they are at each other's throats already, that is the only sensible thing to do.
In most cases, they will not trust each other enough to go with an attorney mediator. they will each hire an attorney. then after they spend $20,000 to $40,000 each, they will realize that all of their assets will be lost and they will wake up and go with an attorney mediator then. Better to do it first and have more to divide, especially if they have children.
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What to do
