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I guess looking back he really was into me. For nearly a year he tried, and tried, and tried to get to know me. To talk, to engage. The stares, the smiles. The flushing red and constant preening. Signs of jealousy when I would talk to other guys. The stuttering when he would try to talk to me. The staring around my hair and face. The disappointing looks when I wouldn't talk to him. The candy....
But I kept him at a distance. Always. Gave nothing.
He is a little younger than me and we are not the same race. I admit I discriminated a bit. Thought he was a bit too different for us to ever have anything in common.
Then she came along. No one ever thought he would date her, but oh they're dating. Put it on his Facebook. When I discovered I was pissed...Why?
I guess I admit I do feel for him a little (feelings started to come a couple of months ago when I began to learn more about him). Oh, I don't know. I'm confused. Why do I care?
The weekend he started dating her he would still stare at me intensely. Could see him from my peripheral. Maybe he never really even liked me?
I won't bother him. He's got a girlfriend.
Perhaps my insecurities got the better of me. Him and the girlfriend are the same race, age, and just overall have much more in common.
Anybody ever been in this situation? How did you get over the person? Especially when you had such a strong chemistry between you?
Hi make love not war ( great name btw lol )
I'm not being funny here BUT........ Why the hell did you string him along for nearly a whole year? ( sounds like ) I'm sure he has feelings too.
But In fairness I don't know any man that would chase a woman for that amount of time so a little bit creepy you did say he was younger so either it's a clear case of puppy love or your super gorgeous lol very strange that one.....
As for still looking at you after a year lol it's part of his natural habits now so wouldn't read into that too much and it's a natural reaction after getting all this attention to have it stop/alter your gonna " miss it " and feel pissed
I do however think you have done the right thing and left him alone
But good luck with next chapter in your life and who ever comes along next will have his work cut out for sure
Normal reaction in my opinion. The fact that it was a year of him in your life hitting on you and you didn't pay him any attention shows you're not into him. So stop right there and don't let your mind play tricks on you. You'll be over any anger you're feeling now very soon. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself you're not into him.
Now the reason this is occurring is because you're human, and you're a woman (no offense). You should pick up a book related to psychology and decision making and wanting. A woman typically doesn't want a man that other woman don't want. This same phenomenon occurs with technology and tangible objects. Why do iPhones sell out the day they come out? And whoever doesn't get one is really upset...
The first reason for the phenomen you're experiencing, in my opinion, is because he made himself too available to you. He really really liked you. I've seen this as a turnoff before with woman myself, no matter how good looking I am. And I tend to keep my distance even if I'm super excited and really really into someone (at least for a while).
The second reason is because we want what we can't have like I said above. Though the self image portion of it. You may be second guessing yourself and wondering now why he doesn't want you anymore (well he tried for a year, holy crap that's a long time.
To sum it up... You may think oh wow, someone wants him. What do they see that I don't? Am I missing the worth that he has? But no need to fear, take a deep breath and realize if you wanted him, you would have had him. A year is way too long to not be able to decide if you're attracted to and interested in someone.
Hope this helps. Goodluck.
Oh, wrongturn, you are making so much sense it hurts!
Yes! I completely get it!
As I said in my previous post, it was mostly ego but I did have some real feelings for him and started to realize at the end what a great catch he was! But now he's taken! Yes, I will let it go and breathe as you advised.
Also, I'd like to share one more thing: part of the reason I held off is because he is so handsome, intelligent, talented...and beloved by all the women. A big flirt too, so a part of me was scared I would get played out!
Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh.....I just want this to go away.
you say you would ignore him and yet you still noticed his forlorn expression on days you weren't acknowledging him. You were playing a game, and your toy has been taken away.
You're likely to try to encourage flirtation now, as he obviously found this new young lady to be more attractive than you and (though Hell would freeze over before you'd admit it) you feel threatened. Have some class and don't pursue this. I only say that because this assault to your ego wounded you enough to post about a guy of a different race that you never wanted to begin with.
Yes, bruised it is....like whaaaa???
I do have class and I will not pursue him. Not my style. He is gone now so it is what it is. Just wondering how to manage these feelings. Probably my punishment.
lol, see how easy that was? I do understand the feeling. I was upset when I found out that a guy I dated had gotten married. I even made a thread about it. Had I really given him any thought prior to finding out that he had gotten married? No, I hadn't. I also never really liked when my former guy friends had girlfriends even though I had no romantic interest in them myself.
lol, I just said to myself "girl you are sick!" Truly a phenomenon like wrongturn said.
I'm not being funny here BUT........ Why the hell did you string him along for nearly a whole year? ( sounds like ) I'm sure he has feelings too.
But In fairness I don't know any man that would chase a woman for that amount of time so a little bit creepy you did say he was younger so either it's a clear case of puppy love or your super gorgeous lol very strange that one.....
As for still looking at you after a year lol it's part of his natural habits now so wouldn't read into that too much and it's a natural reaction after getting all this attention to have it stop/alter your gonna " miss it " and feel pissed
I do however think you have done the right thing and left him alone
But good luck with next chapter in your life and who ever comes along next will have his work cut out for sure
Hi LC,
Well, honestly, I didn't intend to string him along if that's what you want to call it.
As I stated in the OP, age and race were the two biggest factors. I know you should never systematically refuse someone, but, it happens, and believe it or not, I learned a significant lesson from this.
Part of me can't help but feel like he posted that he is dating her on FB to **** me off a little (and it worked) as well as to reject me. I know it sounds strange, but I do believe he knows that I do have some feelings for him.
Do you think he could be trying to save face?
Oh yes, I am definitely leaving him alone. Not my style. I wish him the best of luck.
Haha now how do you know the next chap will have his "work cut out for him?"
Well, honestly, I didn't intend to string him along if that's what you want to call it.
As I stated in the OP, age and race were the two biggest factors. I know you should never systematically refuse someone, but, it happens, and believe it or not, I learned a significant lesson from this.
Part of me can't help but feel like he posted that he is dating her on FB to **** me off a little (and it worked) as well as to reject me. I know it sounds strange, but I do believe he knows that I do have some feelings for him.
Do you think he could be trying to save face?
Oh yes, I am definitely leaving him alone. Not my style. I wish him the best of luck.
Haha now how do you know the next chap will have his "work cut out for him?"
And thanks for the name compliment.
I know all about the race issues believe me!!! I'm not a racist my self but the environment I was brought up in all white kid ( in London can't begin to tell ya how rare that is ) It wasn't a healthy one for the race relations board at the UN shall we say.....
It appear that way about being strung along but apologies for getting it wrong
Yes if he's gone out of his way to show of his new bird then it might well be " saving face"
As for the next chap.......😓😂😂😂 the last fella went out of his way to impress you for a whole year with no end product so............ 😎😜
But you do seem quite a nice girl so I do hope the best for you xx
I know all about the race issues believe me!!! I'm not a racist my self but the environment I was brought up in all white kid ( in London can't begin to tell ya how rare that is ) It wasn't a healthy one for the race relations board at the UN shall we say.....
It appear that way about being strung along but apologies for getting it wrong
Yes if he's gone out of his way to show of his new bird then it might well be " saving face"
As for the next chap.......😓😂😂😂 the last fella went out of his way to impress you for a whole year with no end product so............ 😎😜
But you do seem quite a nice girl so I do hope the best for you xx
Gotta admit, you seem like a complete doll. I was a bit brusque in my comment, I know--I do not carry around a sack of sugar with which to coat things, and I despise game-playing in relationships--and you took it in stride. You seem to be committed to not furthering this just to get a rise out of the guy, and that's commendable. Rare in today's Me-Me-Me woman, but commendable.
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a little bit creepy 
you did say he was younger so either it's a clear case of puppy love or your super gorgeous lol very strange that one.....
I do understand the feeling. I was upset when I found out that a guy I dated had gotten married. I even made a thread about it. Had I really given him any thought prior to finding out that he had gotten married? No, I hadn't. I also never really liked when my former guy friends had girlfriends even though I had no romantic interest in them myself.
