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I would marry my partner tomorrow. Practically or legally, things wouldn't be so different as they are now. The bigger thing for me is the psychological part of it-- the making of that sort of commitment.
I think that marriage is becoming outdated. Some folks lose interest after they have "caught" their "love" and go in search of another soon after they get to that point. Those types may or may not ever grow up.
Too many people become unwilling and unable to get through the rough times and there will always be rough times. They are not wanting to go to a therapist and confide their innermost thoughts as well as their personal business. (My ex was like that. I went by myself to many many therapists, was on many different anti-depressants. I was made to feel like it was "my" problem not "our" problem.
Then there are those who love the chase and drama of having one or multiple elicit affairs. They think it exciting to be "getting away" with having a lover(s) while the SO has no idea (which is usually not the case....most partners are aware that something is not quite right. There are many clues that let one know something is going on. So usually it is the cheater who ends up getting surprised).
Today it is easy to cheat....especially with the technology and "instant" cheating at the click of a button. Look at that Ashley Madison site. That is only one site. There are other dating sites. I had people trying to hook up with me on Facebook. (don't have FB anymore). What about the people who don't go online to look for someone else.
Today it is also easier to get caught....web watchers, trackers for cars, cameras, tape recorders, cameras on phones, phone data, computer history/cookies. So if you are cheating or planning to, you better have a fool-proof method if you don't want to get caught. And I don't think there are any, leaving the cheater being the "fool".
I don't ever plan on getting married again. I ruined my marriage with alcohol (in recovery now). I blew it. I am paying for my mistake(s). My trust in men is gone. Most of all, I never thought I would do what I did, so my trust in myself is gone.
I was single (unmarried) for 45 years and I've only been married for ~8 months, so I have a lot more experience being single. So far, being married is far, far better. I will get back to you in 10 years or so.
Reading alot of the threads on here and elsewhere has put me off marriage it seems like a chore and a bore,like you just sort of become this passionless dull person.I don't think marriages have to be like that though.I know I lived with one bf for four years I requested my own room in many tribal communities husband and wife have seperate rooms.i think many marriages would be better off if people did that, maintaining there own interests,passions and space.
The fact that she cannot make herself do any chores and take up adult responsibilities, as well as being online a lot as a consumer is very compatible with the diagnosis of depression. I have a friend who fits this description very well. For while she did not want to hear about it - was just in total denial. Then her sister started the conversation in a very gentle, non-threatening, non-judgemental way, along the lines "I can see you are not fully happy lately and it looks like you don't find enjoyment in daily life". My friend opened up very well and admitted that she was feeling helplessness and struggling with poor self esteem, and accepted to see a therapist. You SO could benefit greatly from something like that.
I used to think that having kids and raising a family was the purpose. but, alas, seems like single parent families and co-parenting have become equally as acceptable.
Single parent families are, on the whole, not an improvement. The evidence for that is now pretty overwhelming.
It's saying to have a more realistic set of expectations, no one is going to have a partnership that is all romance and puppies and sunshine and fantastic sex for 50+ years with no interruption. That is not real life.
Bingo I would add that all of the above is true whether you're married or not.
If you don't think it is from the get-go, you might as well hang it up after the sparks fade. You might as well not get married in the first place and just live together.
The problem with "just live together" is that these relationships are even more unstable than married ones...which is not inherently a problem unless kids enter the picture--which they often do. Kids born to unmarried parents have A LOT more problems that usually last throughout their lives (worse health, lower incomes, higher unemployment, relationship drama, etc.). It's all well documented.
I've never seen the purpose of marriage. Despite my mother and stepfather having a good marriage, I just don't see myself making the sacrifice marriage needs. I'm 25, single, no kids, and I have a fierce independent streak in me. I want to come and go whenever I want. Being married won't let me do that.
Which is fine...
Just realize that what you like doing at 25 might not be the same thing your 35 or 45 year old self will prefer. And at that point, if you change your mind, you're not going to have as many options for partners.
The 'fierce independent streak' burns brightly for many a 25 year old....It often gets boring for folks as they get older.
If you need legal obligations to make or motivate a marriage to work, I think one needs to really seriously reconsider.
Almost all of us need that. Humans are naturally weak, undisciplined, and short-sighted. We all think we're the exception to those things. We're almost always wrong.
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