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I almost see a double standard here, Lol. Women won't give their phone number (much less their full name) but expect men to have their LinkedIn account/ Last, first and middle name handy.
Meet at public place for safety (as Tim just mention; drinks) get to know each other better and go from there. If anything starts to materialize, then people should start busting out ID's. JMO
As unromantic as it sounds, my SO and I exchanged business cards on the first date, lol. So we both had each others info early on.
Personally, I would never ask for more information than I felt comfortable giving out myself. Maybe I give them too much credit, but I don't go through life under the assumption that every man may be a criminal or psychopath until proven otherwise.
When my second ex did background check on me, I felt betrayed.
I wish he would just talk to me.
He had trust issues and he thought I **** with my neighbor.
He hate when I would to talk other white guys
I knew should left after the background checks.
No, they don't. Many certainly won't give out their phone number either, I still offer mine.
I don't need paranoid people in my life. We're meeting for a beer. They wouldn't know my last name, or mine theirs, if they happened to sit next to me in a bar and we chatted either.
Hah, learning somebody's name = "paranoid." LOL!
Re: giving out my own name...let's see, my first name is one of the most common names in my age group in the country...closer to top five than top ten.
My maiden name is very nearly the most common surname in the country. Combine those two, and anybody who knows my first name and maiden name will find it...pretty useless in gaining any definitive information about me. About the only way my name could get a whole lot more ubiquitous would be if it were "John Smith."
Since I got married and changed my last name, I'm far less anonymous...not that it matters to me a whit.
I'm completely comfortable giving out any identifying information I ask of someone else, personally. I also, when online dating, did first meetings in public places (and told somebody where I was going to be), well, because I'm not an effing moron. Common sense, paranoid, tomato, tomahto.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Hah, learning somebody's name = "paranoid." LOL!
Re: giving out my own name...let's see, my first name is one of the most common names in my age group in the country...closer to top five than top ten.
If you're going to use that info to try to dig up info on them prior to a first meeting, yes, it is a bit paranoid.
When you're out at a bar talking to a stranger, do you stop them and ask them for their last name, google them, etc before trying to figure out whether to have the conversation? Of course not. First meetings are no different.
Shoot, some of the people I've met 2-3 times I don't know their last names. I didn't have reason to ask, it wasn't relevant info. And the reality is I can't recall meeting someone from OLD that did ask such info prior to meeting, they didn't care, as it to was irrelevant. We're meeting to talk and determine if there is any chemistry. That's it.
I think anyone who has not assumed that their date has googled them is incredibly naive. It's not something I do, but I don't get offended if my dates do it to me. Who gets mad at someone for accessing public information? I hope she took this as a red flag and fled.
If you're going to use that info to try to dig up info on them prior to a first meeting, yes, it is a bit paranoid.
Ah, but I didn't say that. I did say that I wouldn't go meet somebody who refused to divulge his last name.
Also, I feel like it's way more likely that most people searching for others via google are doing so out of basic idle curiosity, versus crippling paranoia.
Quote:
When you're out at a bar talking to a stranger, do you stop them and ask them for their last name, google them, etc before trying to figure out whether to have the conversation? Of course not. First meetings are no different.
If I'm meeting you for a date, it's because I've already conversed with you enough that I'm interested in pursuing a potential romantic relationship if there ends up being an in-person interest. The interest is already higher than random chat with random guy on the next bar stool, it's a more intentional and deliberately contrived situation, not just, hey, he happens to be sitting there. Just me, though. So, yeah, for me, first meetings actually ARE different than chatting with a guy who happens to be next to me at a bar. FWIW, I also wouldn't arrange a future date with a guy I randomly met at a bar if he had a problem with divulging his name. I would find it weird.
Quote:
Shoot, some of the people I've met 2-3 times I don't know their last names. I didn't have reason to ask, it wasn't relevant info. And the reality is I can't recall meeting someone from OLD that did ask such info prior to meeting, they didn't care, as it to was irrelevant. We're meeting to talk and determine if there is any chemistry. That's it.
Not me. I learn names right away. Half a dozen years as a reporter, even more as a teacher, it's second nature.
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