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When you meet people at bars and parties or shows, do you ask them their last name before being willing to talk to them?
I never have. Never met a woman that has.
It's not the first thing to ask...but chances are by the end of evening I know their name. If they hid it.....I'd assume they were married or had something else to hide. Red flag online or off.
When you meet people at bars and parties or shows, do you ask them their last name before being willing to talk to them?
I never have. Never met a woman that has.
Never in my entire adult dating life has a woman ever asked for my full name IRL, nor have I asked for hers prior to a first or 2nd date. So all googling stuff is strange to me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG
It's not the first thing to ask...but chances are by the end of evening I know their name. If they hid it.....I'd assume they were married or had something else to hide. Red flag online or off.
I wouldn't hide it, it just isn't something that is generally asked. If they think I'm married I'm more than willing to invite them over for a drink, there is no way anyone would think my place has a woman's touch in home decorating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
Never in my entire adult dating life has a woman ever asked for my full name IRL, nor have I asked for hers prior to a first or 2nd date. So all googling stuff is strange to me.
Yeah, it's a super rare thing. It's something people generally want to know before getting really involved, but it isn't an initial stages thing. It just doesn't come up!
When you meet people at bars and parties or shows, do you ask them their last name before being willing to talk to them?
I never have. Never met a woman that has.
False equivalency. When you arrange in advance to meet someone (vs running into them randomly) a nefarious person has the opportunity think about/plan for doing something to you. They will have intentions. Also the random encounter will likely take place when you and the other person have friends around if things go south.
Timber, just think about it for a minute and you will see the difference.
Whether I Google someone and how deep I attempt to dig depends on many factors, and it all starts with my gut.
If I get a good, easy gut read on somebody, and my feels are not too intense, and we have a nice easy friend thing going on with nothing complicated or difficult cropping up, I may not feel a need to Google them at all, especially if everything I see once we connect on Facebook or whatever, or we know people in common, etc. checks out with my initial assessment. The one I'm seeing now, I haven't felt a need to research. Beyond that though, his job actually involves mining the net for data on major criminals to bring them to justice, and I'm sure he's in pretty good control over his internet footprint.
If I get obsessively in love (infatuated) with someone and then they neglect me, and I'm craving a fix of THEM in some way, I might creepily research with great intensity and mentally catalogue data and trivia on them....but I won't use it for anything. I know stuff about a few people from doing this. One man I knew who was actually famous, and I had a case of the star-struck for a few years when we first started a friendship, but then it mellowed and I wound up telling him the silly trivia I had in my brain pertaining to him. He laughed and said, "I bet you don't know the name I was born with." (He was adopted.) And he told me. He had no issue with what I'd done...but he was used to fans and fan behavior, and it's not like I was lurking outside his house or anything crazy. He knew me well enough by then to know I was alright. Heck, I'd had his phone number for years and only used it to set up plans to meet when he was in town, or I was in his neck of the woods.
With one recent fling, I researched him to try and gain insight as to his life and character because he was behaving in ways I found very difficult to understand. I learned a lot actually, such as when he began to behave the way he does, and why (having to do with a death in the family.) He would not have appreciated my digging, so I never told him I'd done it. But even he acknowledges that what is "out there" is "out there" for anyone to see.
And another time, my instincts told me that someone who was getting close to my family, and was getting to be dear to me in his own way, had a very sketchy past, and I wanted to know just how sketchy and in what ways...so I actually did run a cheap background report. I later shared that info with him, since he may as well know what's on his record. He didn't really seem to mind, though we joke about how "creepy" I am.
Honestly, I have no problem with anyone trying to make more informed choices. If this involves internet research, then so be it. And in today's world of technology, we often have to try and find new comfort levels with what is known about us. Our "privacy" as individuals is diminishing. What's out there on Google for anyone to see is probably the least of it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
False equivalency. When you arrange in advance to meet someone (vs running into them randomly) a nefarious person has the opportunity think about/plan for doing something to you. They will have intentions. Also the random encounter will likely take place when you and the other person have friends around if things go south.
Timber, just think about it for a minute and you will see the difference.
Oh come on, nefarious intentions!? Please. You're meeting for a drink in public around people. What nefarious crud is going to go one realistically?
And no, generally when I meet people at bars and shows I'm there alone, and usually they're alone. Sometimes others may be around, but most male and female friends don't c**kblock another person if they want to connect with someone.
Do you all have your guard up all the time? No wonder so many people don't have much fun.
Shoot, last woman I dated came home with me first night we met (IRL meeting, not OLD) and didn't know my last name and I didn't know hers. Glad she wasn't paranoid and neither was I. We had a great time. If she or I listened to some of the people on this board we would have never connected and had the romance we had and become the friends we have become. Or we would have put the breaks on and checked each other out, gone through a thorough vetting process before cautiously proceeding... blah. Way not to have passion, fun and excitement in one's life.
Oh come on, nefarious intentions!? Please. You're meeting for a drink in public around people. What nefarious crud is going to go one realistically?
Ever heard of rohypnol? It happens more often than you think. Sure the chance may be small but it exists and it has happened to more than one woman I know. Why is it such a big deal to exchange names before meeting and letting someone know who you will be with? It doesn't cost anyone anything.
Quote:
And no, generally when I meet people at bars and shows I'm there alone, and usually they're alone. Sometimes others may be around, but most male and female friends don't c**kblock another person if they want to connect with someone.
I would also not recommend a young woman go out to bars and clubs alone.
Quote:
Do you all have your guard up all the time? No wonder so many people don't have much fun.
How does knowing the name of your date ruin the fun???
It's not about being guarded or paranoid, it's about common sense safety. Would you want your daughter to meet a stranger from online without knowing his name?
You are still not getting it. But you're a male and don't have to. My message was for the ladies.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Ever heard of rohypnol? It happens more often than you think. Sure the chance may be small but it exists and it has happened to more than one woman I know. Why is it such a big deal to exchange names before meeting and letting someone know who you will be with? It doesn't cost anyone anything.
It's pretty rare and can't happen if you get and handle your own drink right from the bartender.
It isn't a big deal. It's just odd. I've never been asked and never thought of asking. I have no reason to. No one apparently has felt a reason to ask me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I would also not recommend a young woman go out to bars and clubs alone.
Good heavens, why not? Lots of women I know do. I run into many that do. They're not going to stay home if they don't have people to do out with. If they're traveling alone, like so many do, are they going to cloister in their hotel rooms at night? If I, or the family of my lady friends, tried to lecture them: hey, you shouldn't go out drinking at a bar without friends around, they would check my, or their family's, azz pretty darn fast. Rightfully so. Women aren't victims waiting to happen and most that have any street smarts can take care of themselves. I'm glad I don't live in a place where women stay home if they don't have people to go out with, that would REALLY make it hard to meet people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
How does knowing the name of your date ruin the fun???
It's not about being guarded or paranoid, it's about common sense safety. Would you want your daughter to meet a stranger from online without knowing his name?
You are still not getting it. But you're a male and don't have to. My message was for the ladies.
It doesn't "ruin the fun". It's just not a normal thing to come up. We talk about stuff. We make a connection. The last thing on my mind is their last name and wanting to google them, I'm sure they feel the same.
And sure I would be ok with a daughter, just as a good friend, to go meet someone without knowing their last name. If she wanted his last name, she'd of course have to do the same. I'd rather her wait until she fleshes him out.
Heck, I'm having a fourth (maybe fifth?) meeting with a lady from OKC on Saturday night, and this thread maid me realize I don't know her last name. I can probably figure it out, but it never occurred to me to. I doubt she knows my name either, but she knows my job and where I went to school, and perhaps figured it out? I doubt she's bothered to though. It's just odd, that's all.
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