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I have been dating this fantastic woman for several weeks now and things were going great. However, she made a remark that led me to believe that she had googled me. The other day, I asked her if it was true and she was quiet for a second and then she told me that yes she had.
I am a very private person and I believe in privacy above all else when it comes to my life. I have had an abusive past with my relatives and I didn't hang out with the best people. She told me that she wasn't looking for any of that, but to see if I had been arrested or anything of the sort. I told her that she could have asked me, and she said that at the time, she didn't know me well enough to ask me and that it would have been rude. My rebuttal was, so it's not rude to go behind my back and do it? And then...silence.
I guess that she figured that I was right. In her defense she said, she has two small children and I get that, I do, but I still feel like it is wrong. I told her that anyone could write anything about someone online that is not true, and she reassured me that she was only looking for background stuff. Thats fine, but I still feel like I have been violated and I do not like it. The funny thing was that I googled her last night and she had told me that she had gotten into trouble for obstructing a highway, and come to find out it was a DWI. So I don't know how I feel about that. I am not a judgmental person and I do let a lot of things slide. Other than this, we have gotten along great and I would hate to have to walk away from this.
She told me that in this day and age, everyone googles you, I disagree. What do you guys think?
Arrest/criminal records, for the most part, are public knowledge.
Whatever information is online concerning you is public information.
She didn't dig into your social security information, hack your bank account, look at some grades from college, or read private texts you sent to someone, or hire a detective to search your whereabouts in the past.... She did a search on the internet.
I don't think she did anything wrong.
If you like her and get along with her, then let this go and move on.
Sorry dude, women do that all the time. I used to google all guys I ever went out with and most women do. If I could, I'd run a background check too. Better safe than sorry in a ditch, or than dating a married man.
Sorry dude, women do that all the time. I used to google all guys I ever went out with and most women do. If I could, I'd run a background check too. Better safe than sorry in a ditch, or than dating a married man.
Women indeed do it all the time, It does not bother me but doing a background check is excessive, obviously not the type of woman I would want to be with.
I agree that people do it all the time. I do it, mostly with people I am working with or if I am meeting people in a professional capacity, to check their school and work history so I can have something in common to talk about, or to check their actual job titles etc so I can remember stuff better when I am introduced.
It sounds like you're just pissed that she did something (that anyone with internet access is able to do) without your knowledge. You couldn't control it. I think you were wrong to chastise her like that.
You need to take it down a couple notches. Reconcile yourself with your background, and know that as a mom she SHOULD find out what she can about the people in her life.
Arrest/criminal records, for the most part, are public knowledge.
Whatever information is online concerning you is public information.
She didn't dig into your social security information, hack your bank account, look at some grades from college, or read private texts you sent to someone, or hire a detective to search your whereabouts in the past.... She did a search on the internet.
I don't think she did anything wrong.
If you like her and get along with her, then let this go and move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beweirdess
Sorry dude, women do that all the time. I used to google all guys I ever went out with and most women do. If I could, I'd run a background check too. Better safe than sorry in a ditch, or than dating a married man.
I agree with these answers. I am as sensitive as the next person- I am a HSP to be honest. but even I think you're overreacting a bit. You said she was a fantastic woman. But are going to throw it away because she researched a bit to get info. Not to mention even if she asked, it's no guarantee you wouldn't lie about it. As she said, at the time she didn't know you that well when she did it-so asking could be seen as awkward or met with the response "None of your business." So checking for wives, abuse, or criminal history seems reasonable, especially if she has children. Surely a mother wouldn't want to expose herself or children later, to bad. or possibly dangerous, men.
I have been dating this fantastic woman for several weeks now and things were going great. However, she made a remark that led me to believe that she had googled me. The other day, I asked her if it was true and she was quiet for a second and then she told me that yes she had.
I am a very private person and I believe in privacy above all else when it comes to my life. I have had an abusive past with my relatives and I didn't hang out with the best people. She told me that she wasn't looking for any of that, but to see if I had been arrested or anything of the sort. I told her that she could have asked me, and she said that at the time, she didn't know me well enough to ask me and that it would have been rude. My rebuttal was, so it's not rude to go behind my back and do it? And then...silence.
I guess that she figured that I was right. In her defense she said, she has two small children and I get that, I do, but I still feel like it is wrong. I told her that anyone could write anything about someone online that is not true, and she reassured me that she was only looking for background stuff. Thats fine, but I still feel like I have been violated and I do not like it. The funny thing was that I googled her last night and she had told me that she had gotten into trouble for obstructing a highway, and come to find out it was a DWI. So I don't know how I feel about that. I am not a judgmental person and I do let a lot of things slide. Other than this, we have gotten along great and I would hate to have to walk away from this.
She told me that in this day and age, everyone googles you, I disagree. What do you guys think?
If she had asked you-- and you were a criminal -- you might have lied. It is in every woman's best interests if she does a little investigation about any new man she dates.
IF you're concerned about privacy, it is your responsibility to monitor your online info.
Complaining about your GF's common sense is a huge red flag.
You are posting on an Internet forum about this woman. Old fashioned "live and let live" privacy is over. Although I think that was always just a myth.
In the past people physically gossiped to find out pertinent information about a potential suitor. That's way more invasive in my opinion.
You need to get over it. Your privacy ended the moment you did anything online.
She is absolutely correct--everyone googles people. If I have an interview set up with someone, am meeting a new client for the first time, wonder about my new neighbors, or any of the 100's of ways I come into contact with new people (or even people I know) I google them.
Frankly if I was this woman, I would run from you as reaction is over the top.
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