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No I would not like the situation, I wouldn't like that she thinks they have a secret together (against you), I wouldn't like that my husband lied, I wouldn't like that he doesn't shut her down.
How does he think someone should react to that?
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Why do you guys think that OP is out of line when she coincidentally falls over credit card receipts and asks what is going on and the husband acts all weird, lying, being defensive, etc.
I don't get it. What should OP have done, ignore the situation and the signs of a starting affair? Just go with the flow and keep her mouth shut?
It pisses me off that he refuses to tell her he’s told me about their “reunion†of sorts. He tells me that if he does, she’ll think I’m ok with it and try to lure him in for sex….and yet on a different day he says if he tells her, she won’t talk the same as she does now. Ask on another day and it’s none of my business and I need to get my own friends.
HA HA! Your hubby is the greatest gaslighter in the world! Hats off to him.
Read what you wrote, OP, and use some of the logic muscles that God gave you. He says if he tells her you know about her...she will want to have an affair with him? But if you don't know about her, she won't try to have sex with him?
Come on now. THINK.
He is a liar. You said so yourself in your very own words.
Even if you trust him, do you want to be married to a liar? He doesn't seem to respect you much, or care about your feelings, OP. He's lying to you, being manipulative--trying to put the blame on you, etc. There are more problems in your marriage than the presence of this woman. It seems that she has merely brought other issues to light.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 09-01-2015 at 11:51 AM..
My husband of 11 years saw an old friend while working in our old town for the day. He took her to lunch and they exchanged phone numbers. (keep in mind, he doesn’t tell me any of this) Days later, he received a text from an unnamed number saying “Hey!”. The same day, while checking our credit card balance (I do all the financial bookkeeping) I saw the charge for the restaurant in our old town. I put two and two together and asked if he saw her and if that was her texting. He says yes and gets defensive saying he didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want me to “freak out”. All the while blaming me for him lying to me about it. He knows I do not like her after he told me she saw our new house and said I didn’t deserve all this, she did! At their lunch he asks if she’s going to tell her husband, since he’s incredibly jealous and kind of crazy. She said no and asked if he was gonna tell me. He said no as well. Big mistake! I found out anyway and he tells me about the stuff they talk about, even lets me read their texts.
It bother’s me that she thinks I don’t know they are talking. He said it’s no big deal, it isn’t like he’s gonna see her again, she’s over an hour away. The thing is, she’s been coming to our new town lately and texting him with lunch invitations. He’s gone once out of 4 offers, but lied straight to my face about talking to her that day…as he was on his way to meet her. (Granted, with his co-worker) Now, let’s get this straight, I don’t think he is cheating on me, I don’t mistrust that what he tells me is false. The thing that gets me is that she thinks she’s getting away with something. She’s separated from her psychotic husband at this time…a husband who cheats on her, doesn’t have sex with her, and tried to kill himself a few times.
This gives me a very unpleasant feeling to say the least. I know her, know my husband. He loves the attention, always liked her and got along with her, and she’s always had a crush on him. It pisses me off that he refuses to tell her he’s told me about their “reunion” of sorts. He tells me that if he does, she’ll think I’m ok with it and try to lure him in for sex….and yet on a different day he says if he tells her, she won’t talk the same as she does now. Ask on another day and it’s none of my business and I need to get my own friends.
Her latest texts included one saying he should call in sick to work and go visit her, as well as one asking to meet for a late lunch this Saturday (he works weekends) and then on to say after he gets out of work, if that’s ok. No, it’s not ok. Why is she trying to meet up with my husband all the time? Why won’t my husband tell her I’m aware of their relationship? Why does this bother me so much!? I know he wouldn’t do anything with her, it’s not him I don’t trust…and yes, I know he’s given me reason not to, but you don’t know him like I do.
The fact is, she’s in a really bad marriage, my husband is very charming and easy to talk to, and she’s always had a thing for him, but wouldn’t act on it because he’s married….yet all these “let’s meet for lunch” texts are piling up. If she knew I was aware, it wouldn’t bother me so much. He say’s I can’t go to lunch with them because I’m not invited, and need my own friends. Well, WTF!? I’m not invited because she thinks he’s meeting her behind my back, and she is perfectly fine with that….him too apparently. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I don’t know if I really am just that insecure of their friendship or if she is digging her heels where they don’t belong. My husband is they type of guy that doesn’t see what’s right in front of him. He thinks it’s all innocent fun, friends talking, eating a burger together. I disagree...
You have a valid point. This woman is a cheat and trouble with a capital T. The Bible says your husband should run from this situation. He is fooling himself. I would also document these activities. And none of what is happening is your fault. To say that it is, is the traditional abusive behavior. "I did wrong but it is your fault." No, he may be charming but he is also a jerk for treating you this way. Maybe play along but show up at the next meeting, accidently of course. And please remember to be charming and no accusations. Just let her know that you know about her and you deserve everything you have because you are worth it and not a low class cheat like she is. Bottom line: She is lining up her next victim. When she made the statement about your home she showed what is important to her. She's a gold digger. Do your husband a favor and do what is necessary to break it up. She will not make him happy.
Your husband is wrong. I agree that you should reach out to her. I'd ask her not to contact my husband ever again but then again he may just find ways to hide communction. Next you and your husband might want to consider marriage counseling so he can be counseled on appropriate behavior in a marriage.
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