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I suppose that out of the 0.5% of the non-homosexual male population who are 40+ year old virgins...
- a tiny fraction of that 0.5% are decent, emotionally stable guys who just were incredibly unlucky
- a small fraction of that 0.5% grew up in some bizarro [snip] environment where they never had any sort of interaction with a woman whatsoever
- a small fraction of that 0.5% are asexual
- the rest of that 0.5% have some severe emotional issues, social anxiety, strong antisocial behavior (e.g. they literally loathe people) or some mental disorder that's preventing them from connecting with anyone, not just women. Oh, and I bet that most of them DID attract at least a few women...they just rejected or ignored them due to their own issues.
It is pretty unusual to make it past the age of 25 without having any sexual experience, but it's not that rare...probably 1 out of every 15 people or so I'd guess. However, it's almost incomprehensible to make it all the way to forty. If a 40-year old guy is a virgin...then there's a reason why and it's damn near a guarantee that the reason is not good and a serious red flag for most people. Even if he's a monk or something.
Most deeply religious types tend to get married young...they're still having plenty of sex by their early-mid 20s; they're just doing so with their spouses.
Young men have a better chance of unexpectedly encountering an aggressive woman that will literally rip his clothes off than to remain celibate into their 30s and 40s.
There are a LOT of morons, messed-up people, dirty people, ugly people, homeless people, insecure people, shy people, angry/violent people, bigots, criminals, unfunny people, geeky/dorky people etc out there that are in their 30s and up. VERY few of them are virgins, and have had at least one intimate relationship in their past.
Tread carefully with this guy, OP.
I think this is the best post... better than mine for sure.
I had to laugh though, my 40-year-old friend "did" get waylaid by a woman in her 30s although not ready to rip his clothes off, but kiss him. I think he freaked out on her. He invited her to his apartment, to a small party, and she tried to kiss him (and he was pretty upset by it). Anther buddy was there when it happened and he kept taunting him about it (this guy is a lifelong friend of his and married with three kids). Like I said, this guy has huge baggage and anxiety when it comes to women. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy, but if the OP is with a similar guy, this baggage might be a real problem and only she will know if the guy she's talking about is worth it.
I would be extremely wary of a 40 yr old virgin, unless maybe in the case of a priest who decided to leave the priesthood at the age of 40.
A man who saved himself for marriage most likely either has an abnormally low sex drive, or even worse, has substituted worse things for sex, like a porn addiction or something else.
I've actually met a guy in his 40's and still a virgin. His reason is a religious one, waiting until marriage. I think its rare these days to find someone still a virgin at that age especially a man.
I'm a married straight man, but even if single there is no way I would ever consider a relationship with a 40+ woman who is a virgin. Human sexual contact is a very normal and natural thing. If one is a virgin at that age, having shunned and avoided that very natural and normal aspect of human pair-bonding for over two decades of adulthood, it's due to one of two things:
*profound dysfunction, or
*very weird religiosity
I think we all may know someone like that without knowing that about them.
Most religious people get married young.
I think you have to look at the person. Maybe he is ok, but the odds are really against it.
Since he refused to go out to eat with the OP his religion may just be a front and he is gay and fighting it. Going to get something to eat is not against any religion that I know of.
I've actually met a guy in his 40's and still a virgin. His reason is a religious one, waiting until marriage. I think its rare these days to find someone still a virgin at that age especially a man.
What do you mean, "are they worth it"? How would you know, until you got to know them better? You know nothing of his/her character or personality. Why would you turn someone down, just because they're a virgin, without knowing more about them?
I have 2 close friends (one female and one male) who are both in their mid 40s and I am almost certain are virgins. They have rarely, if ever, dated on a serious level. Both of these individuals are college educated, employed, from strong, supportive families, and are at least average in the looks department. They have no psychosocial or anxiety disorders. From time to time, myself (and others) have speculated that they might be homosexual or asexual. But I have broached this directly with at least my female friend and she is adamant she is not gay.
I think for many people in this situation, their lack of experience is what keeps them on the sidelines. They are very self conscious about their lack of sexual knowledge and experience, so they avoid putting themselves in romantic or sexual situations. But, they can't ever gain any experience if they don't date, so it's something of a circular problem.
Also, I think there may be some element of "you can't miss what you've never had" at play here as well.
I know someone who is a Methodist minister who hasn't gone "all the way," but he confided that he has had oral and manual stimulation with women (and he feels guilty about that, but admits he is only human).
He just wants to save going all the way for marriage, which I understand, even though I certainly didn't follow the same path. I am glad I got past that long before age 40!
People make choices for a lot of different reasons. If his faith bothers you, move on. If it doesn't, then factor in all the guy's positives and negatives as a whole and then make a decision.
I personally think someone who hasn't consummated a relationship can be a better option than someone who has had many partners.
Based on my experience, these things are definitely not limited to 17 year olds.
This is true.
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