marriage breaking up.....spouse is talking all about it on Facebook (older, friend)

[Mikala43]

I was yanking your chain.

BUT it's a pretty bad state of affairs when your spouse is trash talking on media so they can reach as many people you know as possible..... and then won't take it down when you ask.

[kpl1228]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

I was yanking your chain.

BUT it's a pretty bad state of affairs when your spouse is trash talking on media so they can reach as many people you know as possible..... and then won't take it down when you ask.

I know you were. We're good.
I'm pushing hard tonight regarding this. No threats, just a hard, firm request to my friend to pull the whole thread, including all posts. just remove it.
My former office partner, now across the country. I'm optimistic it will be gone tonight.
But the hurt won't.

[kpl1228]

OP here.
After a pretty direct request from me to pull the entire post as well as the incriminating comments from him and my wife and others, as well as an ex-girlfriend I rejected twenty years ago who piled on from out of nowhere who obviously had an ax to grind all this time (I guess she's still friends with my former friend). I sent the request to my friend in a private message (and some requests to Facebook as well), the posting is removed. Along with a BS lame "what did I do?" private message from my friend who not only had posted it, but weighed in with very negative personal stuff about me during the postings.
I lost a friend. Lesson learned.
God was all of that ugly.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by kpl1228

OP here.
After a pretty direct request from me to pull the entire post as well as the incriminating comments from him and my wife and others, as well as an ex-girlfriend from twenty years ago who piled on from out of nowhere (I guess she's still friends with my former friend), which I sent to my friend in a private message (and some requests to Facebook as well), the posting is removed. Along with a "what did I do?" private message from my friend who not only had posted it, but weighed in with very negative personal stuff about me during the postings.
I lost a friend. Lesson learned.
God was that all ugly.

I don't get it. Can you elaborate?

All the posts from your spouse mentioning you are gone because your friend sent a request to facebook to remove them, did I understand that correctly?

Why did you lose that friend? Because he read what spouse wrote?

[Mikala43]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It's a very hurtful way to communicate discontent.

[TabulaRasa]

I gather the friend is the one with the conversation posted on his/her wall, and actively participated/commiserated with the spouse. OP then petitioned the friend to take it down, and the friend responded defensively, having aligned with the spouse.

[kpl1228]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

I don't get it. Can you elaborate?

All the posts from your spouse mentioning you are gone because your friend sent a request to facebook to remove them, did I understand that correctly?

Why did you lose that friend? Because he read what spouse wrote?

OP here.
What happened was my former office mate and so called good friend went on Facebook lamenting about HIS breakup with a POS girlfriend (and to his credit, she was exactly that, we all saw it coming, we all told him, but people gonna do what they gonna do). Anyway, during his comments from friends etc etc about HIS post on HIS page about HIS girlfriend, my ex-to-be weighed in about him and his girl, but it turned into stuff about my wife and me and OUR problems too, I guess to say "hey, we all have these problems."
My gripe about it all is it got REAL specific, about stuff that happened years ago. Then my friend (ex-friend) says, yeah, and he also is like this and this and this etc etc. Then other people (I don't know) weighed in, and then an ex-girlfriend weighed in a lot (which angered me at first but now I find completely pathetic and sadly humorous. Hopefully she doesn't have pictures and newspaper clippings of me taped all over her bedroom wall after all this time.)

That's all of it in a nutshell. I should have made a flow chart and posted it to help everyone...I wasn't clear...sorry about that.

The part that bugs me was:
1) my wife went on and told everyone private stuff. Quite a bit. Which surprised me but did not stun me, knowing her lack of discretion since the beginning. But SURE embarassed me.
2) my ex-friend "kept the party going" by adding more stuff about me. Even more than my ex-to-be. Which floored me, because we've NEVER had a problem.
3) the ex-girlfriend came in from absolutely nowhere like a bat out of hell and added a few "and not only that....."
4) I posted nothing.

Co-workers, friends and family back home, all are friends with him and with her. They all know me as a good guy (and I am.) But to read these posts about arguments from a decade ago, general attitude and personality, and the ugly breakup from a LONG time ago paints me as a monster to those not part of it and watching from the cheap seats....friends and family and coworkers of mine. It really does.

But all better now. Hopefully all remain quiet on the Facebook front, at least. And since the moment all of this happened, I've posted nothing on FB....laying low. Rising above it.

[Mikala43]

Wow. I didn't understand the extent of the situation.

That's pretty messed up.

[ScarletG]

UGH oh....OP is telling everyone what a 'good guy' he is....I'd love to hear the other side of this story......something tells me there is plenty of culpability on the OPs part......

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by ScarletG

UGH oh....OP is telling everyone what a 'good guy' he is....I'd love to hear the other side of this story......something tells me there is plenty of culpability on the OPs part......

That still doesn't justify trial by Facebook.