Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a few suggestions and hopefully one or more of them will sound interesting to you.
I think finding a part time job might be a really good idea for you to get you out of the house plus helping you meet new friends. Some suggestions would be:
1. I worked part time in a daycare and although I wasn't sure I would like it in the beginning, before long I discovered that I missed everyone when I wasn't working, and the reaction of the kids when I came back to work was priceless. They would run to me, grab me around my legs, reach up for me to hold them, etc. And the ladies and I became very close and are still today, even though the daycare has closed down. This job was actually very rewarding for me.
2. Believe it or not, waitressing in a really nice cafe, coffee shop, or even a restaurant can be an enjoyable job. I made a lot of friends that are still friends today, even though it was years ago. What made it so enjoyable for me was that I made a project out of being the best I could be, and eventually the owner would always put me in charge of teaching new people how to be good at it. It gave me a sense of purpose and also a sense of pride knowing that I really WAS good at it, plus many of my customers still remember me when we run into each other.
3. Big Brothers Big Sisters. Volunteer to be a mentor and make a difference in a child's life, plus make new friends from the child's family and other volunteers. You would also have access to other volunteer programs too.
4. Join a book club or a gardening club, definitely a way to make new friends. In a gardening club you would learn how to make a garden of some sort, even if you live in an apartment in town. A container garden or small kitchen garden can be fun and very satisfying.
Since he made his new friend does he still spend any time with you during his 3 days off? Do you still do anything together or has that completely stopped? Where things are right now I wouldn't worry about your husband being gay. However, if he has quit doing anything with you at all and refuses to give you any of his free time, I would at least open my mind to possible reasons why and what would cause him to make such a turn around, and not need that time with you the way you need time with him. I would even consider asking him point blank why he went from spending time with you to not spending any time with you. If that's the case, he really does owe you an explanation as to why, and how he thinks you should fill that void now.
You need to explain to your husband that since he has found the new hobby and friend, it has left you with a gap that he used to fill. It's possible he hasn't thought about that, and isn't aware of how he sort of left you hanging with no way to fill the void, with free time on your hands that you need to fill the same as he has. Tell him that you would like to fill that time with something productive that can help you fill some time and make new friends too, and ask him for some suggestions.
When my ex and I bought a road bike (motorcycle) we used to ride every weekend, and it's very common for bikers to make new friends with other bikers they meet while riding. Over time we became quite a large group and all of us did many things as a group like weekend getaways, cooking out, etc. and sometimes the guys would take a road trip and us gals would make plans to do something as a group also. It was loads of fun, and very productive as far as filling up empty time and making good friends. This just might be something that he might feel really positive about.
As another poster suggested I think it would be a great idea to ask your hubby if he would help you get into hiking too. Explain that it isn't so you can become a tagalong with him and his friend, but so you and him could do that together once in a while also which would give you two some time together again.
Ask your hubby if his new friend has a girlfriend or SO, and if so ask him to invite them over for dinner so you can get to know his new friend and SO, and possibly you might make a new friend to spend time with.
Ask him if he would consider planning a weekend getaway for just you two so you could enjoy the closeness again that feels like it has diminished lately. Also ask him if he would consider sharing one of the 3 day weekends with you once a month to help strengthen the bond between you two, and give you something to look forward to, sharing time with him again the way you used to. I think it may be possible that he was feeling a little bit stifled spending all his free time with it just being you two all the time, and no outlet for guy stuff with another guy.
Good luck and I hope some of these suggestions might help.
For how long was that happening? Weeks? Months? And you said nothing when that guy stayed all weekend? What did hubby say about it, he liked it?
I wasn't sure how to respond to you. It was a long time ago but as best as I can remember, the new friend probably hung around for at least a year. I liked the guy. It just got weird after a while. It was like he replaced me in some aspects of my husband's life. So much so, other friends began asking me what was up. When I would tell my husband I wanted some alone time with him, he just shrugged it off.
My (now ex) husband didn't mind at all. He was happy to have someone to go surfing with. If he didn't want the guy around all the time, he would have told him so.
When he met this girl, we would all do some things together. Eventually, he moved into the girlfriend's so he wasn't around as much. Then they got married & we hardly saw them at all.
one night you're going to come home and catch the two of them in bed together
I usually don't agree with most of the stuff you say but I have to agree with this one. I can't see myself wanting to spend more than an hour with a member of the same sex.
You don't work and have no friends in your new town? You need to get some independence, because nagging is the first step in pushing someone out.. Make some friends, and gain a little independence, or I can see this becoming a real burden in your marriage. It seems to really bother you that he is taking your time, and giving it to his friend. Before you drive yourself nuts, and possibly project those emotions onto your husband, you should try joining a local club/meet some neighbors/anything that will distract you from his hiking.
1) Don't work
2) No kids at home to take care of
3) No hobbies
4) Expect husband to not enjoy his free time w a friend
OK GOT IT..... Spoiled much?
Develop some of your own hobbies or find something to occupy your time? Is it extreme that he goes hiking so often? Probably yes, but it is healthy to do.... You could try doing it with him?
You need to get out and make some new friends and find your own hobby.
This
I do the same thing with a couple friends. They can only do said activity on a weekday so I take a vacation day. We make vids and chat about it. It's just what guys do.
I suggest OP find a hobby or make some friends too. You can have your time for your relationship (and make sure both of you understand you need to make time for that) but it's good to get some apart time as well to have fun.
I love my G/F....but some of the hobbies I'm into she has no interest in. She might go once or twice..but that's it. But she understands that I need my time to decompress and do these hobbies.
Is this thread really serious? He is hanging out with a buddy and is possibly gay? Seriously two guys can hang out without being gay.
He is spending time he normally wouldn't be spending with his wife, e.g. Fridays and using vacation days. He normally would go weekends and now has those to spend with his wife.
This issue is simple. She is jealous and is making problems where none exist. Rather than look at herself she sees only problems in him. Listen, it isn't always a guys fault. What happened to supporting your partner? Shouldn't she be happy he has a friend?
Honestly OP you sound super controlling. The guy manages to get one friend and you cant stand it. Are you worried about losing your meal ticket or what. Three years and you have no friends in a new town. What effort have you put in to find friends. Join clubs, volunteer or hey get out of the house and get a job. You have no children to look after so why aren't you working?
And to the people that think the guy is gay because he makes a friend, holy crap what a group of tools. A guy has a male friend and he is gay. What a load of sh*T. Would you say the same if a woman makes a friend. Is she suddenly a lesbian because of it. Sexist or what.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
