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I have read a previous post in here about a husband being jealous over a male friend and people saying the wife should respect his feelings and drop the friends. But what happens when the husband is jealous of ALL men? Should I respect that? I can't have ANY male.friends. my husband doesn't even want me working. He claims it's because he doesn't want people to watch our children. But I know it's because he doesn't want me around men. He also doesn't want me going to college because of the same reason. Though again, he tells me he doesn't want people watching our children even though he was completely fine with someone watching my daughter from a previous relationship, when I was in college. What's the difference?
He never used to be like this. I had male friends, of coursenot many. I have social anxiety. And I talk to people when they speak to me. I had a few male friends in college. Now one lives in our apartments. And my husband told me I better not be talking to him. Apparently, all men want to sleep with me. I'm not supermodel pretty or anything. I'm a mother of two. Whilst that's not a big deal to most people anymorw, I know most men don't want to sleep with me. Heck, I can't even look at shirtless men if they're jogging on the side of the road. He tells me to look away. Even on tv! Ridiculous right? I know for a fact that he looks at other attractive women. I don't get upset because I don't care. I'm attractive. I don't need to get jealous over other women. He also gets mad when men check me out. I don't get mad when women check him out. I smile because I'm proud. I get to be the one going home with him!
He doesn't even let me get out of the car when we have to meet my ex to switch off our weeks with our daughter. He never used to be like this. He didn't use to care. I've never once even gave him a reason to be like this. Because I've respected his reasons. But, I'm a stay at home mother and I want to go back to college. I need other adult interaction. I'm going crazy staying at home and only ever talking to him and my children. I love them, but we all deserve time away. But if I ever want time away, my.husband gets offended. He thinks I don't want to be around him. I told him we all deserve time with friends and he said I was his only friend that he needed. I don't understand it.
I'm not looking to make friends with guys just to do it. But I'm a human being. I'm an adult. I should be able to make friends with who I wish. I don't need a dad. He doesn't want me around males, but this want is unrealistic. They are everywhere. He works with females and I don't get mad about that. But it's completely fine when he does it. Just not when I do it.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this controlling person.
The part where he tells you to look away when you see a shirtless jogger?!? Please! I would have pinned my face against the window while licking it if the wife told me not to look at a hot girl jogging!!!
You have to stand up for yourself.
I have dealt with this crap and I don't listen to it anymore. It's not me or you who has the problem.
If I were you I would find some girl friends to come over for sappy movie night and tell him to get lost with the kids!!!
You realize that NONE of this is about you, right??
He is wrong. This is ALL him. He is extremely insecure and does not trust you. Because he probably doesn't trust himself either. Who knows ... maybe he feels powerless in his job and tries to compensate at home. Maybe he is tempted by other women and assumes YOU must be tempted too.
I dare say you've married someone who is not very emotionally intelligent, to be limiting you this way. You will have to make some uncomfortable decisions from now on regarding your life and who is in charge of it.
You will need to stand up to him at some point, which will cause serious conflict. But you have to decide what kind of role model you want to be for your kids, in addition to deciding what kind of life you want to live.
Oh, I realize he is the wrong one. I've grown in just the couple of years that we've been married. I've gotten more spiritual and am now a Buddhist. Had I not grown up in a strict Baptist home, I would have left to take vows at a monastery and never had kids or gotten married. But seeing as that's the past wants, it's not realistic. So I don't dwell on that. I want to take him to a therapy session with me. But he doesn't think his actions are at all wrong. He wants me to "control" him too. So, he would more than likely, not accompany me to a session. I already see someone about my anxiety and ocd. But again, he doesn't think he has a problem.
I know he's insecure. He's even admitted to it and that's why he acts like that. Because, "he doesn't want to lose me." Me being a buddhist, I am not attached to him or our children, because I know we will not have them forever. I know nothing lasts forever. He, on the other hand, wants forever. He doesn't want to lose me to another manote etc etc.
Oh, I realize he is the wrong one. I've grown in just the couple of years that we've been married. I've gotten more spiritual and am now a Buddhist. Had I not grown up in a strict Baptist home, I would have left to take vows at a monastery and never had kids or gotten married. But seeing as that's the past wants, it's not realistic. So I don't dwell on that. I want to take him to a therapy session with me. But he doesn't think his actions are at all wrong. He wants me to "control" him too. So, he would more than likely, not accompany me to a session. I already see someone about my anxiety and ocd. But again, he doesn't think he has a problem.
I know he's insecure. He's even admitted to it and that's why he acts like that. Because, "he doesn't want to lose me." Me being a buddhist, I am not attached to him or our children, because I know we will not have them forever. I know nothing lasts forever. He, on the other hand, wants forever. He doesn't want to lose me to another manote etc etc.
Ok, well, that's too many problems for my pay grade.
I think, deep down, you KNOW what to do, but I don't think you'll do it. I guess ... keep up the Buddhism????
I was like that once. When I was 18. It cost me my first love, but I learned my lesson fast.
Sorry you have to deal with this.
I am his first love. He's never been with anyone else. He had a girlfriend for 8 months before me. But they never did anything. He wanted to "save" himself for someone be truly loved. So, I'm his first with practicallyeverything. Not sure if this has something to do with it or not. But it's no excuse.
I do truly love him. But I can't stay like this. It's ridiculous.
But what happens when the husband is jealous of ALL men? Should I respect that? I can't have ANY male.friends.
The important thing to realise is that - despite what I predict many people may say on this thread - there are no "shoulds" here. There is no reason you "should" respect it. There is no reason you "should" reject it.
Each of us knows what we want from our relationship. You know what you want - and under what conditions. The partner knows what they want - with what conditions. It is up to you both to decide if what each of you want is compatible with a relationship between you.
There is _nothing_ wrong with you have opposite sex friends. At all. There is also _nothing_ wrong with a guy not wanting you to have any opposite sex friends.
The choice is simply to conform to what the guy wants - find some compromise that pleases you both - or leave the relationship.
It sounds like he is a very jealous and controlling individual from what little you have described - and that he feels it should be one rule for him and one for you. Only you can choose if this is compatible with what you want from a relationship - and it sounds like it is not.
So either he has to work with you on some level of compromise in this - or I think you and I both know your relationship is already over and you are just on here looking to have someone else say it for you.
Oh, I realize he is the wrong one. I've grown in just the couple of years that we've been married. I've gotten more spiritual and am now a Buddhist. Had I not grown up in a strict Baptist home, I would have left to take vows at a monastery and never had kids or gotten married. But seeing as that's the past wants, it's not realistic. So I don't dwell on that. I want to take him to a therapy session with me. But he doesn't think his actions are at all wrong. He wants me to "control" him too. So, he would more than likely, not accompany me to a session. I already see someone about my anxiety and ocd. But again, he doesn't think he has a problem.
I know he's insecure. He's even admitted to it and that's why he acts like that. Because, "he doesn't want to lose me." Me being a buddhist, I am not attached to him or our children, because I know we will not have them forever. I know nothing lasts forever. He, on the other hand, wants forever. He doesn't want to lose me to another manote etc etc.
This is disturbing. From what I understand about Buddhism, one of the goals is to let go attachment to things; is that really supposed to extend to your personal relationships? Or are you equating attachment with co-dependence?
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