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So I met this great guy in Feb., started dating and became "official" in May. Everything has been going great, we see each other 3-5 days a week, have been to Niagara Falls together for a weekend and have a 4 night trip to Mexico planned for November, have talked about the holidays, etc. Our kids have met and we've done lots of activities that include them (my DD12 and his DS13). So obviously he's not looking to bolt any time soon.
But there's one thing that bugs me, he bought his house less than a year ago, it's a nice house, 3 bedroom, nothing fancy but really nice and roomy. He has his son every other weekend, but other than that, it's just him in the house. He has mentioned numerous times how that house is a college investment for his son, he plans to sell it when he graduates from high school, buy something much smaller and use the money to help his son pay for college. Just last night when I was over there he was talking about how he wants to redo the master bath, and that everything he does in the house is for the resale value, and that he told his son yesterday how the house was just too big for just him so planned to sell it in 4 years.
All well and good, but I can't help but feel that keeps mentioning that all the time to let me know he has no intention of ever living with anyone again. We are both divorced, him 4 years, me one. Now, I've only known him 6 months and am not looking to shack up with him any time soon (still have 9 months left on my townhouse lease), but I also know that if I'm in a committed relationship I don't really want to live alone the rest of my life either. Not even thinking marriage, I think you can have a successful relationship without it being legal and I'll never co-mingle finances again, lesson learned there.
I know, I know, the grown up thing would be to talk to him about how that makes me feel when he says stuff like that but I don't want to freak him out either. Part of me wonders if he's just trying to gauge my feelings when he says that stuff. Thoughts?
Last edited by andie1969; 09-08-2015 at 10:01 AM..
Too much too soon. If you've been dating for two years, the two of you might have a reason to discuss. Otherwise, keep your living arrangements the same.
Too much too soon. If you've been dating for two years, the two of you might have a reason to discuss. Otherwise, keep your living arrangements the same.
O I agree! It's just that I get the feeling he's not open to EVER living with anyone period. Like he has to keep making a point to tell him he's selling that house in 4 years.
Too much too soon. If you've been dating for two years, the two of you might have a reason to discuss. Otherwise, keep your living arrangements the same.
I agree. WAY to much WAY too soon. I think this is just your brain on overdrive, reading into it and projecting your fears.
Having two kids in college myself right now, I think his plan sounds very smart. Give him that credit and be glad things are going well instead of borrowing trouble.
I understand your concerns; however, plans change. Enjoy your time together and see if he keeps talking that way in the future. Personally, I don't see why a 3-BR house is just oh-so-big for one person (is his son never going to visit from college?) but if he really thinks it's a wise investment that's going to pay dividends in the future, then OK.
BTW I think it's fine to bring this up at some point, and I don't think you need to worry about "too soon" or "freaking him out." It's not like you're in your 20s. It's OK to have needs and express them. You can also talk about your individual goals for the future (without having it be a big conversation about your future together). If it were me, I might wait until after the Mexico trip, though.
ETA: I'm wondering which guy this is? I was remembering a previous thread so I just checked and in April you had just met a new guy after another one had blown you off and then circled back with you 6 weeks later.
Thanks for your replies, I do have a habit of "borrowing trouble" so to speak. Having been with my ex for almost 15 years, this past year has been a learning curve for sure! Yes I will just focus on the now and the short term future, ie the Mexico trip and the holidays.
BTW, you're right, not in our 20's, I'm 45, he's 41.
Why not just ask him? Better to know now that you're not compatible than years from now. Certainly if you see yourself living with a long term partner and he has no intentions of that, better to know sooner rather than later, no?
I bet you're over thinking things. He's likely just sharing his house plans as part of conversation. I doubt he's dropping hints against living together. I don't think guys work that way. It seems way too soon to bring up the topic of living together in the future. I'm like you and tend to borrow trouble in my relationship worrying about the future...easier said than done but try to relax and just enjoy things for what they are for now. It sounds like things are going really well and you're planning trips and moving ahead!
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