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I would not have children with a man I knew for a summer and my guess is if he is in his 50's without children - it's possible he still doesn't want any.
Good point.
The OP wants to be a "young mother" so she should find a young father to go with it, IMO.
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Am I wrong or you give age differences a huge importance in the U.S.? In Europe it looks like we are less concerned. I mean it may be important but I assume from most of your posts it is probably what you first think about when getting engaged.
I noticed you all seem less concerned on status and background which is something I like. Unluckily I was raised in a "club" where status, money, education etc. is everything. In fact my mother is much more worried about this than his age. I talked to her yesterday and almost had a heart attack when I explained her the situation and who is he in details, and his age was the least of her shocks (which, obviously, I hated and find it hard to cope with!).
Am I wrong or you give age differences a huge importance in the U.S.? In Europe it looks like we are less concerned. I mean it may be important but I assume from most of your posts it is probably what you first think about when getting engaged.
I noticed you all seem less concerned on status and background which is something I like. Unluckily I was raised in a "club" where status, money, education etc. is everything. In fact my mother is much more worried about this than his age. I talked to her yesterday and almost had a heart attack when I explained her the situation and who is he in details, and his age was the least of her shocks (which, obviously, I hated and find it hard to cope with!).
Sweetie, you are so hard-headed! Americans are very concerned about status and background, it's just that our lines are less well-articulated than what you're accustomed to.
Americans, in general, are not very smart. They despise the poor. They compete to own possessions. They promote the wealthy over the working person. Ignorance is given equal status with knowledge.
Your sea captain is living at the fringe of society. That's fine. But once you lose the safety net of your family's wealth and status, you will discover that survival is difficult, especially here.
Since no one can convince you otherwise, go ahead and do whatever you want to do. You need to learn from your own mistakes.
It would appear that Ms. Mony90 found a reincarnation of Ernest Hemingway.
Interesting comments on differences between American and European viewpoints on dating and suitability for marriage. With the usual disclaimer about the fragility of generalizations, I'd opine that Americans are indeed more dismayed by large disparities in age, while Europeans take more umbrage at disparities in social class. This is because Americans view marriage foremost as a partnership, while Europeans - especially Southern and Eastern Europeans - perhaps view marriage more like a lifestyle arrangement.
Surprisingly, there have been no comments on the original poster's photo album, which she went to considerable effort to populate with pictures that not only do credit to her beauty, but which imply a certain lifestyle, image and self-perception. At the risk of making another sweeping generalization, I'd opine that the OP's persona attracts a particular type of man - exactly the type whom she's been meeting prior to the fling with her enthralling new beau. What's so appealing about the latter is the novelty, the contrast, the fresh smells and sights and tactile sensations.
But novelty wears off, and what remains? Yes, lopsided marriages can sometimes work. Parents and friends are not always right. But the odds are starkly against the OP. Does she feel lucky?
@ohio_peasant: Hahahah, reincarnation of Hemingway made me laugh, well there are many things in common between the two. I'd like to reply about my look, honestly I don't think I look so extremely vain or self-obsessed. I mean I am 24 y.o., it's rather normal I took pictures when I was somewhere with my friends or on the beach. And as a woman it is normal I like nice clothes or wear high heels when I go to a party/club, or that I wear a long gown when I go to weddings. I maybe am hard headed like I have been called but something is not clear here: since I take care of myself (and of my exterior) the only man seriously interested in me is hypocrite, shallow and extremely money-oriented? So it means that a woman must be totally uninterested in looking good in order to have a real man next to her. (???)
I admit, anyway, that at the beginning he was not so evidently into me. Before approaching me I had to make him understand I was predisposed to have a personal contact with him. And he is not shy at all, so probably the reason is that he was not used to women of my type and did not happen to go out with one during his long and full life (I don't have idea of who were his wives, he does not like the argument neither).
Meantime I quarreled with my mother.
My mother is obviously as worried (and angry with me) as I thought she would have been, she wants to save me from a relationship she thinks to be potentially disastrous (she can't see the fascination of this kind of people. For her there is nothing socially acceptable in somebody like Captain Achab, she hates this kind of people who in her opinion live at the fringe of society). She told me you see his powerful charisma in this individual because you live with the parachute of the safety (financial as well) you know your family still provides you, you can't imagine how hard life can be out there with this kind of man. She thinks I have been pampered enough not to be able to live with a man like him - humble origins, who spent time around the world working during the day and wrestling competitions during the night (he had this hobby when he was younger), three marriages, lately several hermit years and so on - and that when my novelty wears off I will be desperate with a man who (in her opinion) does not have the necessary skills to understand the needs of a woman like me, and that all I will notice of him won't be his being steely ice-blue eyed or anything anymore but the reek of beer around him. She thinks he sees me as a the great trophy of a seasoned seadog known in his own local lore, she says it will boost his ego when people will gossip about me being "young, smiling and pretty" and I will end up looking one of the big game fishing trophies he uses to get stuffed and sold at sky high prices. I shared with her my concern with his boathouse nowadays, as I said he built it close to the pond alone after he was able to buy the property years ago and unluckily there has been a fire accident (no idea if it was on purposal for insurance) so he applied various times for the permission of building it again but the town hall always refused his request and in the end he built it not caring about the permission (he is obviously not very tolerant towards officialdom...) and now there is some kind of open conflict between him and the town hall. I shared this point with her because I am proud of his strong demeanor he always shows, she instead considered it crazy and his idea of enviting me to live there is far from acceptable. All she said really pissed me off and now I feel sad for being this misunderstood.
I feel (and I know I sound like) very dreary. I have always been the opposite, it's that I have so much to share in my head and have almost none to talk to. My closest friends seem puzzled but say I should try without making permanent moves, while my family is almost impossible to talk to without putting up a fight.
My mother is obviously as worried (and angry with me) as I thought she would have been, she wants to save me from a relationship she thinks to be potentially disastrous ...
This is starting to remind me of Lady Chatterley, falling for the gamekeeper, in the eponymous novel by D.H. Lawrence... except that the gamekeeper was a reliable and stable man.
The OP's mother is a wise woman, and in the eloquent expression of how the OP relates the former's reservations, one finds almost an exhortative scene from a literary work, where the elderly character counsels the younger not to throw her life away, the younger refuses, and thus unfolds the plotline of roiling and tumultuous misadventures, privations, suffering, and then the final crisis, followed by redemption and enlightenment.
Those who follow the financial news will recognize that we have something of an upheaval presently in the stock market. What to do? Are we on the cusp of unheralded disaster, a new age of darkness? Or is it a buying opportunity? So much is seemingly at stake. I don't know, which is why I do nothing… or at least, the minimum. And this perhaps is the best course of action for the OP. Enjoy the salted fish and swaying boat, but don't linger too long after dinner.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
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Not that the description matches but I couldn't help but think of Adam Sandlers character in 50 dates. The hooking up with vacationers. But seriously don't do it. I can't even go into all the negatives I've picked up on just by your trying to portray him in a good light posts. Your making excuses for his shortcomings already. If those are your real pics and you enjoy social events , just how do you think he will handle jealously? That fiery temper is only sexy on tv. It's terrifying in real life. When men like that feel they can't measure up to their mate in terms of class, lifestyle or education it's you that becomes the enemy. I can almost guarantee you that you will become the scapegoat for everything bad that happens in his life. He knows he doesn't deserve a woman like you and will do every trick in the book, so you don't figure it out at first. After that he just belittles you into becoming a lesser version of yourself that doesn't challenge the reality of the kind of man he really is.
@ohio_peasant: I am not saying my mother is not reasonable, she is. But she is very limited in her way of seeing things, she hardly ever appreciated something or someone out of her world. My dad is a doctor coming from a good family who married her when she has 21 (he is 8 years older) and decided to run a business together. She always, always pushed me to choose the upper class rich guy, possibly of my same generation (or max. 10/12 years older), not caring so much about the real worth of the individual. She even wanted me to model, just to tell you how stuck she is on the image. Last year she arranged a professional photoshoot for me thinking it was a nice gift, while for me fashion is not even one of my hobbies (I like clothes as I already said but that's it, it's not such a passion!). So she may be wise but she is limited.
@SophieLL: thanks dear.You are too kind.
@cyn7cyn: I appreciate your straight speech but believe me he is an incredibly brave and noble person at heart. I did not write what he has been through and what he saw in his life because I respect him too much to spread it, and even if I did not say his name I would not find it nice. He experienced hard knocks, and nonetheless he would not hurt a single human being for no reason. If you stop at his "son of a *****" language or surly attitude you know just the surface. He's so fearless and strong you have goosebumps and I am not being fanatic, I speak the truth of what I think and the main reasons why I find him this special.
Yes, I am not denying I enjoyed social events. But I would like to quit doing half of the things I was doing before. Nothing wrong with going to a party but I have done it; I don't need it so much.
Howcome can you say he does not deserve me? I miss this part.
It's definitely important that you have the approval of the internet before getting into a relationship, OP.
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