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OP, why can't you just try it out with this guy without doing anything that will permanently tie you to him (I suggested that before)? Don't even think about marriage at this point. Just go to the US (you can stay up to six months as a tourist) and live with him, and see what happens. If it's fun and great, then you'll worry about the next step in six months. But if you get disappointed (which seems to be what most posters here believe will happen), you just go back home and put it in the book as one of the crazy things you did when you were young. Why is this six-month trial not acceptable to you?
@Zentropa: trust me, far from my intentions to become an "illegal immigrant" who gets fooled by the salty seadog. I don't even want to sound really stupid just because I'm a woman on cloud nine at the moment, but I can't say he took advantage from me, he did not receive any money from me and he paid for everything when we were together. If I got the slightest feeling he was trying to make money off me, it would have been utterly deal breaking for me.
@Beweirdess: Thanks your comment has been a huge comfort today. Probably because my cousin has been ringing me everyday since I left to make sure I was changing my mind, maybe worried for her aunt (my mother). She knows how traditional my mother is, how she always somehow forced me to go out with highly educated guys who made expensive gifts and lots of words, but in my opinion no substance. And as dumb as it may sound nowadays I don't have goosebumps with wealth and safety, I still look for emotions. Another thing I'm most afraid of is staying there: I perfectly know it's illegal to stay in the U.S. without permission for more than a couple of months, but then I should ask him to marry me (he got married several times, he does not have kids). It sounds horrible to tell him "you MUST marry me", but today it came to my mind as the only way to get out of the "stay in the U.S." trouble I'll be facing soon if I move in with him.
Assuming he would marry me, then the thing would turn permanent, and you advised me against it.
@Tabularasa: he doesn't exactly work in the tourism industry, he does it privately with his own boat among other main activities (he has quite many, he's sailor, fisherman, he does something else in the commerce of oil/alcoholic don'tknowwhat - do not remember exactly. He has no boss, he is the boss of himself. He makes his rules and lives by his rules only, everything he does is up to him. Even his marriages ended years ago, he is alone since a long time). I am not totally insane, I am planning to go again next month to get to know him better.
Your are 24 and want to date a 52 year old man? Do you want to be widowed at 60 (i saw this line in another post, just repost here.) How could you make sure he is just flirting with a young girl?
24 is still fairly young, but not 16 or 18 anymore. You need to think about your life seriously rather than make some decision on your first glimpse. I guess you may from west/north Europe without a difficult life experience. You may immediately attracted by a guy with all kind of life experience. I would advise you try a guy within your age range regardless of "jerk" or not.
Beware, if a man really interested in money (like your ex), he may a guy have ambition in life. The only thing you need to figure out is he is making money to make you live better or simply for himself.
I am not saying my mother is not reasonable, she is. But she is very limited in her way of seeing things...
We're all limited, but few of us are wise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by USERXXXX
... if a man really interested in money (like your ex), he may a guy have ambition in life. The only thing you need to figure out is he is making money to make you live better or simply for himself.
It's crucial to distinguish between a man being interested in his own money (being aggressive about his career, parsimonious about his spending), and being interested in his girlfriend's/fiancee's/spouse's money. The former might be stodgy and self-limiting, but reliable and responsible. The latter is mooching.
Of course he'll treat you like gold. He has hit the jackpot with you.
I believe that you're a beautiful woman and an old guy like him gets to have you. If I had a chance to be with Ryan Gosling, yes I'd treat him like gold too! What are the odds that someone like him gets to have someone like you. If Ryan Gosling tells me to drop everything and move to him, f' ya, I'd do it and be the dearest sweetheart to him (Well, in this dreamy, hypothetical question, I'm still single). Having a fling is different from a relationship though.
Three divorces, it's not them, it's him.
Of course all his stories are sap stories, making it seem like those women just didn't understand. Oh no, but not you. You're the best. You get it all. You understand everything and they didn't, right? You, only you, with your youthful, kind, loving, energetic personality gets him. You are soul mates and those women were just there to help him realize that you two are in fact perfect for each other and no one else.
I don't know why all three of them though of marrying him. Oh, it must have been the same euphoric feeling that you're having now, making their heart say, "I do". So, what makes you really think you're different from them?
He tells you, you can do this, he'll support you, you can visit your family. Of course! He wants you. He'll tell you everything you want to hear.
At this point though, you have your love bug glasses on. You say you are posting here to get help from strangers, to help you think better, but it seems like anything that's being said that tells you NOT to do it, it just pushes for wanting him more and more.
You reminded me of myself when I asked my brother a question, something silly like you're asking. Looking back, honestly, it was a stupid thing for me to have thought of it, but at the time, it made "perfect sense". When I asked my brother, he said, "I will not tell you to do it or not do it. If I tell you don't do it, it'll make you want to rebel and do it even more." Then he just went on to tell me stories relating to my question. It wasn't stories that will stop me from doing what I wanted to do. In fact, his stories could be taken as an encouragement to do what I wanted to do. I'm glad I didn't do it what I asked about, but his words stuck to me.
Anyways, so with you, you're now just using this forum to pretty much gather all your thoughts as to why you should get married and move to him, that love conquers all.
Of course he'll treat you like gold. He has hit the jackpot with you.
I believe that you're a beautiful woman and an old guy like him gets to have you. If I had a chance to be with Ryan Gosling, yes I'd treat him like gold too! What are the odds that someone like him gets to have someone like you. If Ryan Gosling tells me to drop everything and move to him, f' ya, I'd do it and be the dearest sweetheart to him (Well, in this dreamy, hypothetical question, I'm still single). Having a fling is different from a relationship though.
Three divorces, it's not them, it's him.
Of course all his stories are sap stories, making it seem like those women just didn't understand. Oh no, but not you. You're the best. You get it all. You understand everything and they didn't, right? You, only you, with your youthful, kind, loving, energetic personality gets him. You are soul mates and those women were just there to help him realize that you two are in fact perfect for each other and no one else.
I don't know why all three of them though of marrying him. Oh, it must have been the same euphoric feeling that you're having now, making their heart say, "I do". So, what makes you really think you're different from them?
He tells you, you can do this, he'll support you, you can visit your family. Of course! He wants you. He'll tell you everything you want to hear.
At this point though, you have your love bug glasses on. You say you are posting here to get help from strangers, to help you think better, but it seems like anything that's being said that tells you NOT to do it, it just pushes for wanting him more and more.
You reminded me of myself when I asked my brother a question, something silly like you're asking. Looking back, honestly, it was a stupid thing for me to have thought of it, but at the time, it made "perfect sense". When I asked my brother, he said, "I will not tell you to do it or not do it. If I tell you don't do it, it'll make you want to rebel and do it even more." Then he just went on to tell me stories relating to my question. It wasn't stories that will stop me from doing what I wanted to do. In fact, his stories could be taken as an encouragement to do what I wanted to do. I'm glad I didn't do it what I asked about, but his words stuck to me.
Anyways, so with you, you're now just using this forum to pretty much gather all your thoughts as to why you should get married and move to him, that love conquers all.
Yeah... and even then, a guy who is a loner and has been in and out of marriages is probably a guy who will eventually find the OP's youth and beauty not to be enough of a lure to keep him with her, either.
It's not just the marriages, it's the lack of kids and the lack of settling down along with all the failed marriages. Some people wind up in bad situations.
But, in his, it sounds like he's deliberately chosen a life of sailing around and being alone.
He probably got smitten a few times enough to marry women to try to hang on to them, only to find later that either he didn't care too much about making any sort of changes that would keep his marriages alive or having women who woke up and realized they wanted to be settled down, have families, etc.
It's also possible that they were romanticizing, just like the OP, and they thought they'd be THE ONE to tame this guy.
Well, history has shown that some people just are not cut out for relationships over the long term, and it sure sounds like (from the picture the OP has painted) that this is the case with her "salty sea dog." In fact, that she chose to describe him in such flowery terms tells me that she's romanticizing him.
He's a 52yo, thrice divorced loner with no real income who is excited that a 24yo from a wealthy family who is gorgeous and has a hot body wants to have sex with him.
I would be less concerned about this guy under the following conditions:
1) He was younger and the OP knew this would be a possible long fling and/or a starter marriage and did not mind if it ended one day and she had to move on... or if there was a shot at him settling down with age and the two of them working out.
2) He was 52 and settled down himself. Perhaps with some kids, a decent career, etc. I have no issue with age differences in theory.
So, he's the perfect storm of NOT a good idea. Older, unstable, past history of failed marriages, no money... you name it.
Great for a romantic fling. But, marriage? Girl... get your head on straight.
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Surprisingly, there have been no comments on the original poster's photo album, which she went to considerable effort to populate with pictures that not only do credit to her beauty, but which imply a certain lifestyle, image and self-perception.
I don't, as a rule, check out people's profiles on here. I actually forget that people put personal info and images up at all, because I myself tend to prefer to keep things anonymous. So, that, being the case, I'd have no cause to comment on such things.
Dang OP is it really you? Your pic looks more like a paparazzi pic of a celeb from Brazil or Venezuela. Anyone tried to google pic the pics yet. If it's taken from a celeb's twitter account or something.
But if it's really you. Now I'm curious how your Capt. Looks like. The way you takes pic of everything, you obviously has his pic so picture of him or you are a fake troll. LOL.
I should be sleeping 3 hours ago... ugh I've work early morning. You're all welcome.
Last edited by supergirlygirl; 09-14-2015 at 08:51 PM..
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