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I've heard a lot of people say over the years that if someone falls out of love with their partner then they never were in love with them in the first place. A few questions I have to ask in regards to this claim:
1. Is there any truth to that?
2. Can you truly fall out of love with someone, but have been in love with them at one point?
3. Why would a person doubt the sincerity of a person being in love with their partner once they have fallen out of love with them?
The only constant in life is change. Feelings change. I would totally understand if my husband comes to me one day and tell me he does not love me anymore. It would hurt yes, but what am I gonna do about it? Nothing. Because the ONLY reason I would stay married is if the feeling is mutual.
I thought I loved my ex, who was my partner for more than seven years. When I found out he cheated on me and betrayed me, I realized I did not love him. I loved who I thought he was, but I could never love a scumbag liar like he revealed himself to me.
I think when there are better circumstances, though, and people part ways under different conditions, they always love that person. They may not be "in love" with them anymore, but they still feel love, it just changes. That's how I was before I learned about my ex's betrayals. I wasn't "in love" with him anymore because I had changed, but I still loved him.
Love is a fantasy .
Love is a choice .
The depth of love, is measured in selflessness .
The childishness of love, is selfishness.
Some folk invest in love like they do in a home or stocks and bonds it is an investment hoping for a imagined return .
I suspect though that the contrast would be those that invest in love like watering a flower, expecting nothing more than it to flower and enjoy life .
Both can be selfish and selfless .
Am I devoted to another for my success or their success ?
Men tend to think that their success is more significant, in that most debt is on their shoulder .
This likely came from the time men were the bread winner of the family for many generations .
Culture has changed but the human nature is slow on the up take.
Men have lost the position of home leadership ,and for that matter the home it's self is dissolving.
As a culture we have become selfish and self centered and so our love tends to be childish .
Being childish ,emotions rule and so love is tested, and fades because selfish needs fantasies aren't being met.
This I have learned from my own mistakes, as well as the many mistakes of others.
I had tried to support my late wife's profession ,but she would not reciprocate with mine ,and after years of this, my devotion became a drudgery and she saw it as competition and moved on.
This tore me up , but life's responsibilities do not stop because life takes a turn.
Some people learn from their mistakes some don't. so I've learned that the pursuit of love is selfish but being selfish it is childish.
I Love ,but not in pursuit of affection, but simply to help others and not get caught up in their drama.
The pursuit of affection is not love, it is lust. another hard lesson.
I don't love my ex anymore, but I still think he's hot.
It sounds like you never really loved your ex; you lusted. Lust is mostly physical-mental-sensual-visual-aural-olfactory-primal and salivatory. It is a shallow feeling that could be altered by a sniff or the wrong sight and touch. True love goes deeper into the sinews and into the marrow. Like ugliness goes into the bone so does true love permeate the entire being. IMHO.
It's totally possible to fall out of love. How do we stay in love with somebody who cheats, is abusive, and or drastically changes physically? They become something else.
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