Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I actually think women need to wake up to the fact that a lot of men only marry due to feeling pressure. Most men would be happy having a life long partner vs. marrying and then having to work to bet those 50/50 odds all the while wishing they had an easy way out.
Me and my partner have just as much fun today as we did when we met in 2003. How many married couples can say this? We laugh and play and have lots of interesting hobbies that we share. We also have our own personal time for ourselves which is very healthy and a must in any relationship.
Your opinion is wonderful and all, but it's obvious marriage is important to the OP and that's OK. There is no need to shame her for wanting to get married or try to pass off that "more women should be like this." Absolute hogwash. If she thinks marriage is important, there is nothing wrong with that.
If you can't stay without getting married, you might as well give him "the ultimatum" today and find out. Don't be surprised if you get a "no" or a "not yet". Maybe you should ask him why. Marriage is a life changing event that can end badly and costly, especially for a man. Sounds kind of like he is completely unsure. Some days he thinks it will be OK, but then other days not.
why is it so important to you to have that piece of paper that comes with marriage? Is it family pressure? I think people can be happy with each other for a long time without being married. In fact, marriage often ruins relationships by making people complacent and by making them take each other for granted.
B][/b]
Quote:
Originally Posted by meliana
Hi,
I'm really at the point where I'm considering to end the relationship with my boyfriend of over three years. He's 31, I'm 29 and we started dating in August 2012, moved in together in August 2013 and bought an apartment together in October 2014. Last November I brought up the marriage topic and he said we can get married. That he's not crazy about wedding stuff but that he definitely wants to be with me forever, so we can get married. I shut up because I thought a proposal is coming sometime soon.
February he suddenly brought up the topic again, saying we should get married. It wasn't a proposal, but I was fine with it anyway, so I asked him what he wants to do, if he wants us to elope or have a ceremony with guests etc. He said I should think about what I wanna do and he'll be happy with whatever I decide. So I thought about it and told him I wanna have a very small wedding or even an elopement just the two of us, maybe at some nice beach place, and that I wanna have wedding bands. Suddenly, he changed. He didn't seem to like any of my ideas, we fought and in the end he said he's just not ready and doesn't get why I'm in such a rush (after HE was the one bringing it up!). Okay I thought, he feels pressured, so I dropped the topic and didn't bring it up again for SIX months. Not even a single word about getting married, weddings or anything. Not even when we were at a friend's wedding.
This past Sunday I decided to bring it up again. Our third anniversary was last month, and he hadn't said a single word about getting engaged or anything, so I decided it's time. He said 'Yes sure we can get married soon' and that we can 'definitely have a ceremony or a wedding' or whatever else I want, that he just wants to make me happy. The conversation ended there because it was late and we went to bed.
The next three days, nothing. I had thought about some things I'd like to do, as he told me I should. I told him I'd love to have a small ceremony or a beach elopement next year, maybe spring time (basically the same thing as I told him last time). His answer- Why are you in such a rush? He kinda got pissed about it, repeating that he just doesn't understand why I'm in such a rush. He said I bring up marriage to him 'every day'. EVERY DAY! There I almost lost it. I swear on everything that I haven't lost a single word about marriage in the past six months. How can he say I bring it up every day?? He later said yes we can get married next year but that he doesn't want to talk about it now and not plan anything (and not get me an engagement ring anyway).
I feel like he's stringing me along. What if next year comes and he'll still say I'm in a rush and he doesn't want to feel pressured la la? Next year will be our fourth anniversary. I think if I'm good enough to buy an apartment with, I'm good enough to marry. And it's not like we're 24 and have been dating for a year. I don't know what to do anymore. Obviously I don't wanna drag him to the altar and he's making me really pissed for claiming that I'm in a rush to get married or that I bring it up every day. I'm at the point where I'm really thinking to end things because he doesn't even want to plan anything wedding related. Just to mention it, everything else in our relationship is great. He's loving, caring, sweet and we get along great. Sex is also amazing.
I'm sorry, but it sounds like's placating you by saying things you want to hear but not following through. He doesn't want to marry you. Maybe he doesn't want to marry at all, or maybe he somehow feels that the two of you are not ultimately a match. Things are probably fairly comfortable right now, and he probably feels that breaking up and moving out are not worth it yet. You will have to either break up with him or wait for him to get around to doing it. Maybe you are mostly comfortable too and not ready to make that big change. You do not want to commit to spending the rest of your life with a guy you had to talk into marrying you. I'm sure he knows that too. If he wanted to marry you, his actions would match his words and he would have moved forward by now. I know it sucks to hear, but you should marry someone who wants to marry you, not just live with you. Don't bother with ultimatums or anything like that, just split amicably, look upon one another as friends who shared some great times, and move on with your life.
I'm sorry, but it sounds like's placating you by saying things you want to hear but not following through. He doesn't want to marry you. Maybe he doesn't want to marry at all, or maybe he somehow feels that the two of you are not ultimately a match. Things are probably fairly comfortable right now, and he probably feels that breaking up and moving out are not worth it yet. You will have to either break up with him or wait for him to get around to doing it. Maybe you are mostly comfortable too and not ready to make that big change. You do not want to commit to spending the rest of your life with a guy you had to talk into marrying you. I'm sure he knows that too. If he wanted to marry you, his actions would match his words and he would have moved forward by now. I know it sucks to hear, but you should marry someone who wants to marry you, not just live with you. Don't bother with ultimatums or anything like that, just split amicably, look upon one another as friends who shared some great times, and move on with your life.
Women don't seem to understand that a man not wanting to marry them has absolutely nothing to do with a feeling that she is not "the one". Many men will resist to the idea of marriage even if there is compatibility because there is just too much to lose.
Women don't seem to understand that a man not wanting to marry them has absolutely nothing to do with a feeling that she is not "the one". Many men will resist to the idea of marriage even if there is compatibility because there is just too much to lose.
I was engaged to a man who wasn't sure about marriage, because his parents and everyone else in his family were divorced. He just didn't believe in it very much, although he loved me, and he asked me to marry him because he knew that's what I wanted and expected. People don't cohabitate in my family and they very rarely ever get divorced. He and I broke up after several years because we were on different paths. He eventually married someone else, as did I. In my experience, "I don't want to get married" often simply means "I don't want to get married to you"--which is fine.
Lots of self-proclaimed bachelors pop the question when the right woman enters their lives. My ex wound up with someone who is perfect for him.
In my experience, "I don't want to get married" often simply means "I don't want to get married to you"--which is fine.
Lots of self-proclaimed bachelors pop the question when the right woman enters their lives. My ex wound up with someone who is perfect for him.
Once again, a very broad generalization. You are basically trying to understand men from a women's perspective. Even if I found the most beautiful and compatible person, I would be very much opposed to marrying her.
Once again, a very broad generalization. You are basically trying to understand men from a women's perspective. Even if I found the most beautiful and compatible person, I would be very much opposed to marrying her.
I gathered that. I am old enough to understand that your being male doesn't mean you speak for all men. I know several men who swore off marriage only to happily propose to the right woman. It's not for everyone, so I'm glad you found your place in life.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by IowaConservative
Once again, a very broad generalization. You are basically trying to understand men from a women's perspective. Even if I found the most beautiful and compatible person, I would be very much opposed to marrying her.
I would to, because beauty and compatibility is not near enough of a reason to get married.
If marriage were truly what he wanted, there would be no dragging of his feet, and you wouldn't need to be asking him about it. Even if marriage does eventually happen, those types of situations (where one has to prodded down the aisle) rarely, if ever, work out. At this point you're probably thinking about all of the time you've "invested" in the relationship, but you're wasting your time unless you are content with things the way they are now.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
