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On the surface, one could assume that the friendzone is a zone in which one is purely someone's platonic friend. But the term is a misnomer. There's a big difference between friendship and friendzone. When someone is placed into the friendzone, it almost always means that the one who put them there wants to keep them as an orbiter and/or lackey. Now that they know that they are desired, they exploit that desire to gain attention and favors.
They may lead the person on, making them think that one day, just one day, if they keep doing what they're doing, they may finally win the affections of the object of their love/desire. Or they may not lead them on, but still exploit them.
Is it possible for there to be a friendzone where the person genuinely wants their admirer's friendship? Yes. But mostly that's not what happens. If anyone is ever rejected romantically, but told that their friendship is valued and wanted, test them. Start treating them like a true buddy.
Call them often, ask to hang out with them. Invite them over. Ask them for favors. Keep at it until their true colors show, one way or the other. If they really want to be your friend, you'll know. If they act like you're being a pest, remind them that you're their friend and that you're doing what friends do. Don't overdo it, just try to hang out with them as often as real friends do. Keep going until they tell you to get lost.
On the surface, one could assume that the friendzone is a zone in which one is purely someone's platonic friend. But the term is a misnomer. There's a big difference between friendship and friendzone. When someone is placed into the friendzone, it almost always means that the one who put them there wants to keep them as an orbiter and/or lackey. Now that they know that they are desired, they exploit that desire to gain attention and favors.
They may lead the person on, making them think that one day, just one day, if they keep doing what they're doing, they may finally win the affections of the object of their love/desire. Or they may not lead them on, but still exploit them.
Is it possible for there to be a friendzone where the person genuinely wants their admirer's friendship? Yes. But mostly that's not what happens. If anyone is ever rejected romantically, but told that their friendship is valued and wanted, test them. Start treating them like a true buddy.
Call them often, ask to hang out with them. Invite them over. Ask them for favors. Keep at it until their true colors show, one way or the other. If they really want to be your friend, you'll know. If they act like you're being a pest, remind them that you're their friend and that you're doing what friends do. Don't overdo it, just try to hang out with them as often as real friends do. Keep going until they tell you to get lost.
On the surface, one could assume that the friendzone is a zone in which one is purely someone's platonic friend. But the term is a misnomer. There's a big difference between friendship and friendzone. When someone is placed into the friendzone, it almost always means that the one who put them there wants to keep them as an orbiter and/or lackey. Now that they know that they are desired, they exploit that desire to gain attention and favors.
They may lead the person on, making them think that one day, just one day, if they keep doing what they're doing, they may finally win the affections of the object of their love/desire. Or they may not lead them on, but still exploit them.
Is it possible for there to be a friendzone where the person genuinely wants their admirer's friendship? Yes. But mostly that's not what happens. If anyone is ever rejected romantically, but told that their friendship is valued and wanted, test them. Start treating them like a true buddy.
Call them often, ask to hang out with them. Invite them over. Ask them for favors. Keep at it until their true colors show, one way or the other. If they really want to be your friend, you'll know. If they act like you're being a pest, remind them that you're their friend and that you're doing what friends do. Don't overdo it, just try to hang out with them as often as real friends do. Keep going until they tell you to get lost.
That's when you'll know.
Yeah, that's when you'll know you've got sour grapes.
What, you didn't get the sex you (think you) were owed, so you go on this revenge quest to prove she's a b*tch???
Look, if a girl says she just wants to be friends and then proceeds to take advantage of you by "expecting" you to support her with "favors," then she's not a friend.
So do what you'd do to an actual buddy: Drop her. Don't protract it into this misguided search for vengeance.
Being in a "friendzone" is always the choice of the person rejected. You have free will after all.
You ask her out, she says no, but wants to remain friends... you have a choice. Be her friend of move on. The only person who "places" you anywhere is you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Yeah, that's when you'll know you've got sour grapes.
What, you didn't get the sex you (think you) were owed, so you go on this revenge quest to prove she's a b*tch???
Look, if a girl says she just wants to be friends and then proceeds to take advantage of you by "expecting" you to support her with "favors," then she's not a friend.
So do what you'd do to an actual buddy: Drop her. Don't protract it into this misguided search for vengeance.
Exactly. You are nothing more than a friend--just like you would be with any male buddy. Holding on to hope of sex and not getting it is your fault. Now, if she purposefully leads you on and takes advantage of you, then she is not a friend at all. And like a if a male friend did the same (mooched off you, took advantage of you, etc), you should end the relationship.
And I am saying this as someone who has been there, done that and wised up. Can you be friends with failed love interests? Yes, I have and it can work. But it doesn't work with all of them and if it's not a relationship/friendship that's good for you too exercise your legs and walk away from it. Simple as that. If you stay in that "zone" you only have yourself to blame.
People always assume that when someone writes about something, it's based on personal experience. I've never been friendzoned in my life, I'm just talking about it.
If someone claims to want to be your friend, they should behave as a friend. That means hanging out, doing favors within reason, etc etc etc. But when someone says "let's just be friends", more often than not they really mean "oh good, he likes me, I'll milk the attention, lead him on and get him to do me favors". I've seen it so many times and it's pathetic.
Making someone believe that you want to be friends with them is always the choice of the person giving that impression. Taking advantage of someone's feelings to manipulate them into giving you validation and favors is low.
People always assume that when someone writes about something, it's based on personal experience. I've never been friendzoned in my life, I'm just talking about it.
If someone claims to want to be your friend, they should behave as a friend. That means hanging out, doing favors within reason, etc etc etc. But when someone says "let's just be friends", more often than not they really mean "oh good, he likes me, I'll milk the attention, lead him on and get him to do me favors". I've seen it so many times and it's pathetic.
Making someone believe that you want to be friends with them is always the choice of the person giving that impression. Taking advantage of someone's feelings to manipulate them into giving you validation and favors is low.
It IS low ...
... and "you" don't have to allow it. Move on, as you would with ANY friend of either gender.
I've been friendzoned before and it was always in the same fashion. We'd end up being texting buddies or something like that, but it would never lead to us actually hanging out. If I pushed for us to hang out there seemed to always be an excuse, and not a very good one at that.
Now that I'm dating someone, knowing for the time being I don't have to deal with friendzone and dating in general, really has me on top of my game. I'm focused and I feel like I'm back to truly being able to be me. I have someone by my side who seems to really like me for me. My goofiness and all. I can't even stress how glad I am to be out of the dating game.
I can't agree more that there's a difference between friendzone and friendship. Friendzone is nothing more but a time passer position. As soon as something more interesting comes along, your services will no longer be needed. We've all allowed ourselves to be in that position before, because HOPE is a powerful thing.
Friendzone is nothing more but a time passer position. As soon as something more interesting comes along, your services will no longer be needed. We've all allowed ourselves to be in that position before, because HOPE is a powerful thing.
I totally agree of what you're saying here.
And one thing to add. There is only one way to get out of the friendzone: CUT OFF THE CONTACT WITH THE PERSON.
It's the hard truth.
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