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I really want to meet someone but I just don't see a path to get there. I live in a beautiful suburb that's very nice and very safe but unfortunately, finding single women in their 20s is not easy - most of the people around me are older or married couples. Moving to the city is not a real option - I'm in an absolutely fantastic situation when it comes to my job and how reasonable the cost of living here, even thinking about sacrificing that seems to be asinine to me. If I knew 15 years ago that I would be in this position, I would be jumping up and down in pure joy and happiness - I started in this country as a very poor immigrant with my family.
I try to approach sometimes but it just doesn't go anywhere in real life - most of the time, I just have no idea what to say to break the ice and to not come across like a stalker. I can't do the club/bar thing - most of the women there are just to have fun with their friends. I can't do online dating because I look like complete dog sh*t in pictures compared to real life. All I see is crippling challenges, I don't see any opportunities - I find everything else in life to be in reasonable, I find dating to be impossible beyond impossible. Beyond my defeatist mentality, I have a crippling fear of rejection and being judged - to give an example, I have some cute co workers in other departments at my job but approaching them and asking them out horrifies me because all I imagine is my other co workers seeing it and laughing a me for being rejected. I have some attractive female clients sometimes and asking them out is also horrifying because all I can imagine is them rejecting me and getting me in trouble with my boss for "harassing them". I just don't understand how the human race has existed to this point because I don't understand how any man can be successful in dating with how difficult women make dating - I'm not saying this to be an ahole or be a misogynist, it's just how I honestly feel.
I'm just a big mess and I don't know how to get myself out of this. Furthermore, I feel the clock is ticking down - month after month after month of my life wasted with me being perma-single. There are so many things that I would love to do with a girlfriend - I want to go to a vacation in Hawaii in January, I want to go visit historic places in Europe, etc... etc...but I would feel like such a loser doing that by myself.
I don't know if I have any questions. I've read all the advice people here have told me and have tried to apply it and it just doesn't go anywhere. I thought for a long time that if I just obsessively improved myself to be a very good all around package, I would naturally have dating opportunities that I could capitalize on but it just doesn't work out for me - I try so damn had to be the best version of myself possible but finding a decent looking woman attracted to me is still damn near impossible.
I really want to meet someone but I just don't see a path to get there. I live in a beautiful suburb that's very nice and very safe but unfortunately, finding single women in their 20s is not easy - most of the people around me are older or married couples. Moving to the city is not a real option - I'm in an absolutely fantastic situation when it comes to my job and how reasonable the cost of living here, even thinking about sacrificing that seems to be asinine to me. If I knew 15 years ago that I would be in this position, I would be jumping up and down in pure joy and happiness - I started in this country as a very poor immigrant with my family.
I try to approach sometimes but it just doesn't go anywhere in real life - most of the time, I just have no idea what to say to break the ice and to not come across like a stalker. I can't do the club/bar thing - most of the women there are just to have fun with their friends. I can't do online dating because I look like complete dog sh*t in pictures compared to real life. All I see is crippling challenges, I don't see any opportunities - I find everything else in life to be in reasonable, I find dating to be impossible beyond impossible. Beyond my defeatist mentality, I have a crippling fear of rejection and being judged - to give an example, I have some cute co workers in other departments at my job but approaching them and asking them out horrifies me because all I imagine is my other co workers seeing it and laughing a me for being rejected. I have some attractive female clients sometimes and asking them out is also horrifying because all I can imagine is them rejecting me and getting me in trouble with my boss for "harassing them". I just don't understand how the human race has existed to this point because I don't understand how any man can be successful in dating with how difficult women make dating - I'm not saying this to be an ahole or be a misogynist, it's just how I honestly feel.
I'm just a big mess and I don't know how to get myself out of this. Furthermore, I feel the clock is ticking down - month after month after month of my life wasted with me being perma-single. There are so many things that I would love to do with a girlfriend - I want to go to a vacation in Hawaii in January, I want to go visit historic places in Europe, etc... etc...but I would feel like such a loser doing that by myself.
I don't know if I have any questions. I've read all the advice people here have told me and have tried to apply it and it just doesn't go anywhere. I thought for a long time that if I just obsessively improved myself to be a good all around package, I would naturally have dating opportunities that I could capitalize on but it just doesn't work out for me - I try so damn had to be the best version of myself possible but finding a decent looking woman attracted to me is damn near impossible.
Beyond my defeatist mentality, I have a crippling fear of rejection and being judged - to give an example, I have some cute co workers in other departments at my job but approaching them and asking them out horrifies me because all I imagine is my other co workers seeing it and laughing a me for being rejected. I have some attractive female clients sometimes and asking them out is also horrifying because all I can imagine is them rejecting me and getting me in trouble with my boss for "harassing them".
It is never a good idea to ask out co-workers or clients. You might have to learn this lesson the hard way. I would stay far away from co-workers and clients.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brantleygilbert
I don't know if I have any questions. I've read all the advice people here have told me and have tried to apply it and it just doesn't go anywhere. I thought for a long time that if I just obsessively improved myself to be a good all around package, I would naturally have dating opportunities that I could capitalize on but it just doesn't work out for me - I try so damn had to be the best version of myself possible but finding a decent looking woman attracted to me is damn near impossible.
I could be misinterpreting here but are you improving yourself just to win a girl or are you improving yourself to really get yourself together in mind body and spirit just for your own self?
I found my life partner when I was not looking. I think when you are desperately looking you attract all the wrong energy.
If you are so young and successful why not just find really enjoyable hobbies to do? It's a big planet with lots of fun things to explore. Find what fulfills you on a solo level. You would be amazed at how attractive that is to a girl.
It's really not a cliche when people say that you can never be happy with anyone until you are happy with yourself.
Work on your attitude first. You need to be more positive, confident, smile.
My current relationship came totally out of nowhere but I had to change my whole outlook on life first. You absolutely do not need to give up your current living situation. It's not the physical things, it's your attitude.
For sh*ts and giggles, I've asked my buddies at work rate the women I thought were attractive and my buddies have all said between 6 to 8s - most of the ratings have been around 6 to 7
I don't know what I would rate myself - I've seen plenty of people online on my pictures say I was a 6 or a 7 and people have always told me that I looked 3528502835032583205823052850285x better in real life than pics. I'm in decent shape, not ripped by any means but am muscular with a good V taper from shoulder to torso so I look great in street clothes. My presentation is excellent - my body language is great and I always dress like a million bucks when I go out
Everything else in life makes a lot of sense, dating just continues to baffle me
It is never a good idea to ask out co-workers or clients. You might have to learn this lesson the hard way. I would stay far away from co-workers and clients.
You guys say this yet I've met 2385028503258328053280532 people who've told me they met their significant other as clients and co workers
I don't believe in talking to co workers in the same department but I'm okay if they're in another department where you're not working with them directly
Quote:
I could be misinterpreting here but are you improving yourself just to win a girl or are you improving yourself to really get yourself together in mind body and spirit just for your own self?
Both
I've always wanted to be the absolute BEST version of myself in everything
Quote:
If you are so young and successful why not just find really enjoyable hobbies to do? It's a big planet with lots of fun things to explore. Find what fulfills you on a solo level. You would be amazed at how attractive that is to a girl.
It's really not a cliche when people say that you can never be happy with anyone until you are happy with yourself.
I absolutely love my life, love it outside of dating
I'm a huge sports fan so I workout a lot, play in a football league, go to sports events
I love videogames
I love watching certain TV shows so I binge on shows like game of thrones and walking dead
I love food so I love going to different restaurants and grilling food myself
I love music and I'm always trying to broaden my horizons - listen to country, rock, metal, techno, rap, etc...
I love dogs so I love playing with my roommates' pitbull and training her to do different tricks and running with her
etc... etc....
I'm very grateful for everything I've been given and all this is great but it's never helped me at all in dating.
I really want to meet someone but I just don't see a path to get there. I live in a beautiful suburb that's very nice and very safe but unfortunately, finding single women in their 20s is not easy - most of the people around me are older or married couples. Moving to the city is not a real option - I'm in an absolutely fantastic situation when it comes to my job and how reasonable the cost of living here, even thinking about sacrificing that seems to be asinine to me.
Then you made your choice. Suburbs are family-oriented. If you want a large selection of single women, you need to be in a city, or very near to it like Hoboken is to Manhattan. City and women, suburbs and no women, pick one.
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