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Are you serious? Being alone is MUCH better than being in a bad or even so-so relationship. I personally find the OP's original post to be highly desperate. That's not attractive no matter how you slice it.
It's not an issue of desperation, it's an issue of ethics and decency. You don't judge by material possessions! As one poster said, you could lose it all in a fire. Incidentally, there was a major fire at an apartment complex just down the street from my ex-gf's last winter; those people lost everything. After having explained materialism to her, and that fire hitting so close to home, you'd figure she'd comprehend reality!
It's not an issue of desperation, it's an issue of ethics and decency. You don't judge by material possessions! As one poster said, you could lose it all in a fire. Incidentally, there was a major fire at an apartment complex just down the street from my ex-gf's last winter; those people lost everything. After having explained materialism to her, and that fire hitting so close to home, you'd figure she'd comprehend reality!
And that makes me question all the more why you would even give the slightest thought to getting back together with her. Hence me saying desperation.
Give yourself a "reboot" of sorts maybe. Focus on you a bit too. Go places you have not been if possible, try things you never got around to trying (We all have things like this) Change some habits like get rid off any bad ones and start some good ones. Little changes can add up fast. Many people have one day realized five years after a revelation that if they started then they might be where they wanted to be today. Even more have gotten involved in a relationship they know is not the right one but went forward anyway. Cut to being drunk in dive bar at 12 Noon one day wondering what happened. Don't be that guy. Circulate a bit and meet others if you are unsure about this one. She already with someone anyway as you mentioned. You count too Sir!
Are you serious? Being alone is MUCH better than being in a bad or even so-so relationship. I personally find the OP's original post to be highly desperate. That's not attractive no matter how you slice it.
Yes, I was. OP is in his 50s and hasn't found a taker since the divorce. If she's willing, why not have some fun?
Yes, I was. OP is in his 50s and hasn't found a taker since the divorce. If she's willing, why not have some fun?
Because that reeks of desperation. I mean, if he's just interested in some NSA sex then I guess I can kind of see it (though I personally would never consider that). However, I don't think that's what the OP had in mind.
Don't listen to any of these people. If this woman is leaving her bf and wants to have some sexual fun with you, you should go for it even if you feel it won't lead to a marriage. You just divorced, don't rush into another marriage. You should have some fun, especially since you've been married for a long time and haven't had it in a long time. I don't see any downside to getting a bit of stank on your hang low and just enjoying life for a bit.
It's not an issue of desperation, it's an issue of ethics and decency. ...
The prevailing viewpoint on this sub-forum is that any romantic relationship is a dicey proposition, fraught with risk. One ought not to enter into it, unless substantial research has been done. One ought not to even begin looking for a new relationship, until having completed a rigorous set of mental exercises to purge oneself of various inhibitions, latent insecurities or connections to prior relationships. Better yet, one ought to not "look" for a relationship at all, but to go about regular life in unassuming manner, such that if and when a romantic prospect crosses one's path, it would be purely incidental to what one is already doing.
"Desperation" is viewed as reprobate, if not outright pathological. It also disqualifies one from being emotionally ready for any relationship of substance. Furthermore, the wise woman or man is thoroughly self-contained, thriving as solitary individual. A relationship is a kind of addendum, a desert to an already nourishing dinner.
Thus the prevailing viewpoint is that whenever one has doubts, whenever one feels urge to ask for advice or confirmation of one's hunches, then the "correct" response is in the negative, meaning that the prospective relationship best not be pursued. And if the original poster retorts with arguments for as to why the relationship is nevertheless promising, the reply is "Fine, suit yourself, go ahead and ruin your life, for all that we care".
Needless to say, I dissent from the prevailing viewpoint. Yesterday there was an interesting case, perhaps too interesting to be real: a ravishingly beautiful European young lady, styling herself as an aristocrat, "fell in love" with a scraggly old codger who swept her off of her feet by being masculine and genuine. Now, against the wishes of her parents, she wants to marry him. This of course is a case where the utmost caution is incumbent, and the prevailing viewpoint is entirely sensible. But in the case of a middle-aged divorced man considering reconnecting with an old girlfriend, again as a girlfriend (rather than as wife)? Why not? What's the down side?
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