A good copy paste message to meet ppl online? (man, single, couple)

[NWGirl74]

I recently came across a profile I found interesting. While I was reading it, the message popped up he was reading my profile too. I clicked on the "like" and the "It's a match!" message popped up.

I've sent around 30 messages to men with only 2 responses, both of which fizzled out, and didn't want to mess this one up. So, I asked my posse of girlfriends what they felt a good opening message should be. They all said to reference something in his profile, which is my style as it is, but which wasn't getting me any responses. I also asked one of my guy friends who is also on OKC and he said "just open with "hi, how are you? Guys will respond to pretty much anything."

In the end, the guy messaged me first with a nice message that indicated he read my profile. We exchanged several fun and playful messages, he said he was free to meet whenever worked for me. I suggested a day and then didn't hear from him again for several days. Chatted for a couple of hours online one night, he made comments about wanting to meet. I suggested a place to meet; he changed the subject. Didn't hear from him again but he kept checking out my profile - including one last glance before disabling his.

[mikestrong]

Originally Posted by Tune_It_Lower

Well, no popular site has a quell for the behavior (message caps, incentives for women to reply, etc.) so it's what happens. What would you suggest an individual do?

Make specific individual messages for different women that take into consideration what they have written in their profile. It works. Did for me.

[Asgardian]

There is no saying what type of profile message you should have.

From a guy's perspective, if the woman doesn't like your picture, she will just delete your message and will not even bother reading anything about you. You could be a very secured man with your act together, it won't matter.

You can only hope that someone actually reads your profile and likes what they read and contacts you based on liking your words.

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by Tune_It_Lower

First, you're assuming no women do the same. Maybe very few do, but for the sake of parity, let's not make it a man/women thing. Also, LGBT people use these sites as well. C-D seems to pretend they do not exist in these conversations.

Second, just a suspicion on my part, but I think it's more a matter of 'generate contact first, vet the candidates after". It's a lot less work this way. Taking the time to write and send messages (even boilerplate) is just the half of it, if you're also combing through profiles on top of it. One finds out who's willing to talk to you, then qualify that pool. Honestly, this is the only way to do Tinder, IMO.

This stuff really becomes sensible with high initial messaging disparities. Like I said, I don't do anything but personalized messages, but it's very tempting when the reply rates and contact rates from others are so abysmally low. On Tinder, I did go to 'swipe right everything'. When you get from zero to one match in literally thousands, it just is a numbers game. You have an idea how to fix that?

Good point. And I'm going to go so far as to say that "it depends on the person" will qualify across the board, male, female, LGBTQ etc. For some of us, the mind is where the real value is and the words are the key. Personally, my assumption with lazy messaging is that the guy wants some quick easy sex and is not interested in talking to me, will likely be a boring and selfish lover, because he won't care to hear about what I like, and as such is utterly and completely not worth my time. I am not looking for just another toy to play with, the world is full of eager mindless toys in the form of young men with an itch to scratch.

I'm not saying that men mustn't send these messages, but I am saying that I'm one of many women who will ignore them. Men I've ended up dating actually looked at the words on my profile, and commented on what interested them beyond "hi, ur hawt" or "What's up?" I've had men, and we're not talking dudes with fireman abs and fancy cars and CEO lifestyles, but just nerdy, normal, middle of the spectrum guys, who tell me they are very selective of the women they message and when they message them, they write out something that is meant to create a connection. I have never gone on a date to a guy who messaged me something boring off the bat.

Also, I can't advise you on Tinder, because I was only on OKC. One of my lovers got me, and another gorgeous woman who is part of the poly couple we are both now dating, from OKC. By being real, and smart, and articulate with us. But it's obvious from both of our profiles, that we are thinkers, if one took the time to look.

Originally Posted by Asgardian

There is no saying what type of profile message you should have.

From a guy's perspective, if the woman doesn't like your picture, she will just delete your message and will not even bother reading anything about you. You could be a very secured man with your act together, it won't matter.

You can only hope that someone actually reads your profile and likes what they read and contacts you based on liking your words.

Some women perhaps. For some of us, the words are more important than the looks, by far. I scan quickly for age, geographical proximity, religion, then read the words, then check out the pictures (beyond the main profile pic.) A bad opening message though, I ignore and don't look at the profile no matter what he looks like.

[cindersslipper]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

I recently came across a profile I found interesting. While I was reading it, the message popped up he was reading my profile too. I clicked on the "like" and the "It's a match!" message popped up.

I've sent around 30 messages to men with only 2 responses, both of which fizzled out, and didn't want to mess this one up. So, I asked my posse of girlfriends what they felt a good opening message should be. They all said to reference something in his profile, which is my style as it is, but which wasn't getting me any responses. I also asked one of my guy friends who is also on OKC and he said "just open with "hi, how are you? Guys will respond to pretty much anything."

In the end, the guy messaged me first with a nice message that indicated he read my profile. We exchanged several fun and playful messages, he said he was free to meet whenever worked for me. I suggested a day and then didn't hear from him again for several days. Chatted for a couple of hours online one night, he made comments about wanting to meet. I suggested a place to meet; he changed the subject. Didn't hear from him again but he kept checking out my profile - including one last glance before disabling his.

Married.

*sigh*

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

We exchanged several fun and playful messages, he said he was free to meet whenever worked for me. I suggested a day and then didn't hear from him again for several days.

This alone would have induced me to move on.

If you want to meet, meet. If you don't, 'bye.

I wouldn't have stuck with it and opened up the option again. Just me.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork

Personally, my assumption with lazy messaging is that the guy wants some quick easy sex and is not interested in talking to me, will likely be a boring and selfish lover, because he won't care to hear about what I like, and as such is utterly and completely not worth my time.

I think this is an enormous likelihood, in a large number of instances.

I'm not saying that men mustn't send these messages, but I am saying that I'm one of many women who will ignore them. Men I've ended up dating actually looked at the words on my profile, and commented on what interested them beyond "hi, ur hawt" or "What's up?"

Same, here, 100% of the time.

I have never gone on a date to a guy who messaged me something boring off the bat.

Likewise.

Some women perhaps. For some of us, the words are more important than the looks, by far. I scan quickly for age, geographical proximity, religion, then read the words, then check out the pictures (beyond the main profile pic.) A bad opening message though, I ignore and don't look at the profile no matter what he looks like.

Yep. I wrote to my husband based entirely on his written profile. He did have a pic, but it was basically a pic from his vacation, and it was really of the Golden Gate Bridge, with a small person standing in one corner who appeared to be a man with limbs and hair. That's about all that could be told. The stuff he had to say piqued my interest, and I figured if he wasn't my idea of attractive when meeting him, oh, well, I'd deal with that when the time came. Turned out, he was/is my idea of attractive.

I "next"ed plenty of handsome enough guys with lame profiles, though.

[MNTroy]

Originally Posted by Robocop123

Whats a good copy paste message for online dating ? like the best one i can do with the bare minimum effort to meet woman

How about: Hi! How are you doing? Send me an e-mail when you have a chance!

You may or may not get a response. The truth is that your are judged by the photo on your profile. You can write out simple canned message or a 1 page written response, but if the other person is not attracted to you physically, then you are not going to get a response.

[moxiegal]

I wrote my husband first...after he had viewed my profile 2x. He replied with a decent and intelligent email.
Being we were 80 miles distant, we could only see each other every other weekend. We did that for 1.5 years. But we made it work, as we were such a good match personality wise.

[AlfredB1979]

Originally Posted by Tune_It_Lower

Can they? Really?

Like I said, OK Cupid's data showed them 75% as effective as individually scripted ones. Factor in the time saved by doing so and it's a no brainer.

I fail to comprehend why people have such a profoundly negative reaction to the idea of a copy pasted or generic message. It's just a "Hi." or "How's your day going?" and by way of that, an indicator of attraction. Those phrases are the ctrl-v of the real world, and people rarely get bent about them happening.

Because women want to know that you think they are special, even though you know nothing about them. Like Tabs response below shows, you aren't doing enough for someone you know nothing about.

Most women can just sit back with a profile that says "Surprise me!" and rake the messages in. Fair enough. I'm not sure I'd be throwing those stones, though...

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

Because it's L-A-Z-Y.

Originally Posted by moxiegal

Hey now. Alt.com is the same site as adultfriendfinder. How is that any more acceptable? Lots of people are on adultfriendfinder who are normal, dating people...not just looking for a quick hook up.

I bet, like Ashley Madison, it's mostly guys, though. I believe a link I posted some time back showed AFF to have a 16:1 male-female ratio...that's assuming those women are even real and not the bots AF readily acknowledges using.

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

When I contact men, I reference something in their profile. I do understand men's frustrations, however, as I get a very low response rate.

Since everyone and their doctor's wife's third cousin's pet Nile monitor lizard knows that "trick", well, what do you want? There is the elephant in the room regarding women who get low response rates, so I won't touch that.

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

I never really dealt with a low response rate.

I bet most women don't, whether or not the guys the receive messages from are found appealing.

Originally Posted by Tune_It_Lower

But that's just you. Just one person. The data shows that it's almost as effective though. Like I said, I never send anything other than personalized messages and my reply rate is extremely low. I often think, "What's the point?" It's a lot of effort for very little reward. But, that being the case, I could certainly use the 25% boost.

Well, women can't really complain now. I just grabbed a sample of the "About Me" of a random smattering of women.

Respond to these:

Will fill out later.
(Yawn.)
Just so you know, I'm looking for something real. I never thought I'd be so disappointed in the men I've dealt with. I deserve to be treated with respect and honesty. If you don't have that, don't bother. (Yawn.. loser.)

I'm kinda tall for a girl and I can be awkward haha but I'm also fun and sweet.

If I don't message back the first time . Please don't message me again .
(Yawn.)

Originally Posted by cindersslipper

OK I always thought guys got hot under the collar with OLD because females were in the minority.

Now ive just been told that some guys IGNORE pm's....!

which is it men? Are there hardly any actual women online (think Ashley Madison pmsl) or are there so many you can afford to ignore a pm?

There might be a huge sausagefest online, but even I wasn't into a woman who tried to swing way too hard for the fences. Didn't need OLD that badly. I skydive on occasion. Some woman messages me who is beyond the 250-lb weight limit to do so. It's not happening.

That fact (OLD = sausagefest) doesn't change change the fact that some women get brave enough to do stupid things thanks to all that ego-inducing white knighting.

Originally Posted by Tia 914

Yup, what she ^ said.

I think you should take the time to compose messages for the individuals you want to meet/connect with, even if it's something very brief.

What's your response to the ones I picked off randomly then?

I'm sure if I looked hard enough, I can find some where people say their friends describe them as such and such, but...I want to know what their worst enemy would think of them.

Originally Posted by Asgardian

There is no saying what type of profile message you should have.

From a guy's perspective, if the woman doesn't like your picture, she will just delete your message and will not even bother reading anything about you. You could be a very secured man with your act together, it won't matter.

You can only hope that someone actually reads your profile and likes what they read and contacts you based on liking your words.

One, it's doubtful a well-off guy has to use OLD. No real difference as a legit hot chick using OLD. You know something is not right. Two, I'm not sure you can get a bunch of words to resonate with someone on a computer screen.

Who gets hot and bothered using spell check while hacking out a report on their Office suite? I truly don't.

Originally Posted by MNTroy

How about: Hi! How are you doing? Send me an e-mail when you have a chance!

You may or may not get a response. The truth is that your are judged by the photo on your profile. You can write out simple canned message or a 1 page written response, but if the other person is not attracted to you physically, then you are not going to get a response.

Pretty much. You likely aren't getting a response back if you fail the eye test, plain and simple.