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When you get in that situation again, just talk business. If she brings up anything personal, bring it right back to business. Stop giving her any type of attention that is not work related.
For some guys that is IMPOSSIBLE to do, god help them. The girl could be making a complete and utter fool of them, and yet she knows just what to say and do to get the reaction she wants. The late musician Ol' Dirty Bastard termed this as being 'puppetized'.
No contact after our last talk. I think she now understands that it needs to be this way. When she suggested we meet up and cuddle all we want at my place ... me turning that down saying it was best we didn't because of her situation with the bf and things getting even more complicated at work ... I'm thinking it sunk in.
Moxie,
Contact is usually by text and I bump into her from time to time here at work.
I'm new to the forum ... looking for some advice -- appreciate any feedback.
So I went out with a coworker of mine this summer. It lasted only 6 weeks. I know her since a little bit more than a year ago. I asked her out weeks after meeting her but she turned me down because she was together with her boyfriend then. We remained friends and would chat from time to time. As time went on our communication was getting deeper and there was definitely an emotional connection building. She was having problems with her boyfriend. She would not give me specifics about it but she would look for me when she was feeling sad or anxious about different things going on in her life.
Fast forward to this summer. I got a call from her one day asking if I could meet her out for lunch. She ended up opening up to me about family issues she was having and that she had broken up with the bf. She cried while telling me this and I ended the lunch by giving her a hug. We hugged for what felt like a long time. It was as if neither of us wanted to separate from each other. That was the start of our short period of dating. After that day we went out weekly for 6 weeks. Some weeks we hanged out twice. Things were going great and I was falling fast for her. I felt like she was very interested in me too. Well after some weeks the ex bf returned to the picture and she began to withdraw. She had told me that she really cared for this guy and had been with him for 4 years. He had given her an engagement ring but later on did something that hurt her and she stopped wearing it. Anyways, one day she texted me that she was seriously thinking about giving her ex a chance. That he had invited her out to some event and she didn't want to hide anything from me. She wanted to know what my thoughts were about her going with him. Of course I told her I didn't think it was a good idea and that she needed to decide what she wanted to do ... that I wasn't going to be a fallback guy. She said she didn't me or her to get hurt and that it was best if we didn't talk as much or see each other until she figure things out.
We didn't go out again after that. We work together (not in same building) and we text daily. Most of them initiated by her. She says she still has feelings for me and cares about me but loves him. I've tried to be distant and sometimes I take a long time to respond to her texts. I'm having a very hard time with this. I felt for her. I feel like I love her and I fighting my feelings. I don't want to show it because at this point I think is a moot point.
I told her that I wanted us to be together and that if she wanted commitment from me I felt ready for it. I didn't want her to think I just wanted her for sex or that I wasn't serious about being her. I told her that I don't have money like him (he earns six figures and she has expensive taste) but I would do my best to make her happy and we could be happy together. Her response was that it saddens her that I was hurting so much about this and that she cares for me but cares for him too.
At this point she wants me as a friend. I would like to be able to be a friend to her but I can't. Not after the feelings I have for her. Every time I see her I hurt because we are no longer together. Sometimes I feel I'm being selfish though. Like I should be able to put my feelings aside and be a friend to her.
Recently, I've gone out with other girls and although I've had a good time I can't seem to be able to forget about her.
She texts me daily and I want to cut contact slowly without coming being too mean or cold about it.
Any advice is appreciated guys.
Thanks,
It sounds like she's dragging you along as plan B if things don't work out with plan A. In my experience, women are always calculating and working the angles. She probably won't be with that guy long either from the sounds of it.
It sounds like she's dragging you along as plan B if things don't work out with plan A. In my experience, women are always calculating and working the angles. She probably won't be with that guy long either from the sounds of it.
Women are calculating because a sucker will allow himself to be her plan B.
Glad you are keeping a distance from her. Wasn't hard to figure out her real intentions was it? If you had a better job than her ex, like you said, she wouldn't want to be 'just friends.'
Goes out with her as a friend and uses the her presence to seem less threatening to and meet other women.
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The smart dude
