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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete
Yes, but only if you think your marriage is worth fighting for; it honestly doesn't sound like you do. Divorce doesn't have to be a traumatic, life-altering failure, especially since (if I understand correctly) there are no children in the mix yet.
Exactly. And posting on a message board isn't really taking action to save a marriage. It is just complaining and killing time. Anything you hear here isn't going to do anything. If you want to save it, get to work.
How about we stop making this conversation about me? Maybe we can indeed all share our personal experiences, and maybe someone else can benefit from it, either by feeling that they can relate, or by venting, or maybe someone can even incorporate some suggestions in their personal lives. I thought forums were for people to exchange experiences, debate, show a different side of the story, learn and maybe gain new perspective. The topic I offered for discussion is why people lose desire in their SO, and how they get it back? . Can we focus on the topic, please?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by beweirdess
How about we stop making this conversation about me? Maybe we can indeed all share our personal experiences, and maybe someone else can benefit from it, either by feeling that they can relate, or by venting, or maybe someone can even incorporate some suggestions in their personal lives. I thought forums were for people to exchange experiences, debate, show a different side of the story, learn and maybe gain new perspective. The topic I offered for discussion is why people lose desire in their SO, and how they get it back? . Can we focus on the topic, please?
Well you're the OP. People generally don't ask questions for the sake of asking random questions. They ask because they have had that question arise and they're looking for an answer. So in the end, most every post is about the OP and their situation, by default. It's the nature of a forum where a person asks a question. General conversation about vague and random hypothetical situations isn't helpful, or interesting, to almost anyone.
How about we stop making this conversation about me? Maybe we can indeed all share our personal experiences, and maybe someone else can benefit from it, either by feeling that they can relate, or by venting, or maybe someone can even incorporate some suggestions in their personal lives. I thought forums were for people to exchange experiences, debate, show a different side of the story, learn and maybe gain new perspective. The topic I offered for discussion is why people lose desire in their SO, and how they get it back? . Can we focus on the topic, please?
Because all your posts are about the same topic, which happens to be what YOU are going through. It taints all your posts. Maybe visit the Home Decorating or Pets forum for a change of scenery.
Whether you actually stay married or divorce, you need therapy anyway to sort out your thought process, because you still don't seem to understand the advice many of us have offered.
Well you're the OP. People generally don't ask questions for the sake of asking random questions. They ask because they have had that question arise and they're looking for an answer. So in the end, most every post is about the OP and their situation, by default. It's the nature of a forum where a person asks a question. General conversation about vague and random hypothetical situations isn't helpful, or interesting, to almost anyone.
Well, do you think I am the only one on this forum who's lost attraction to their partner? I bet I am not, and so I'm inviting other people to share, if they want. What's the point of creating many threads and opening conversation topics if it all gets turned to post number one. Thank you for the good intentions, but really I am not looking for a specific advice of what to do- that I will figure out by myself. i am however trying to gain perspective and hear from other people, as well as create ground for other people to share, without them feeling tragic about it (when you have to create a thread about it, it probably is a deeper concern for you; when you just chip in ideas, it empowers you, because you don't feel like you are bragging/complaining)
Attraction -- and the failure of it -- come from more than just sexual factors. Granted there are myriad levels of attraction, and even isolated attraction based on just ONE of several potential factors; but most of us view our mates with a range (or lack) of attractions, from the overall physical, down to singular factors ("My husband has a great schlong, real artistry, but he uses it like a kid with a hockey stick chasing rats!")... from the purely academic, to artistic imaginings... from how they relate to us on particular levels, to the deep and abiding differences we have but can appreciate.
I can be so-so attracted to a woman on the physical level, only to have her start sharing real intelligence and creativity. Suddenly, I'm harder than a left turn during rush hour! I can be totally into a woman and all her wonderful assets physically, and she says something idiotic and just keeps going. Suddenly, I'd rather be with anyone else. I'm just sapiosexual in that regard.
There's obviously no formula.
I've not read any of your other threads, but I know from my own experiences that when one begins to get down on a marriage, whatever the reason(s), it can become repetitive -- not because you're just a whiny or griping person, but because it's ON YOUR MIND and prevalent in your thoughts.
As for how people have managed to fix it once some form of attraction was gone...
I honestly don't know. It's said that hate can turn into love, and that back into hate; but love, once turned to hate, doesn't seem to turn back.
Once I lose desire for someone, there is no getting it back. Every couple has dry spells to one degree or another, but if I don't want to touch someone at all or I look at someone and think, "don't touch me," that's usually the death knell for the relationship.
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