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Folks, some of you may just answer this question in a critical/judgmental way and attribute my question to my recent marital issues, but I'd like to ask you not to do that, and actually give it some thought.
Some of you know i've been struggling with my current relationship, and because I am looking for the best solution, I've done a lot of reading/thinking so far, but I am still in the process of searching for answers.
At this point I am curious as to what motivates people who are otherwise in satisfying relationships to think about cheating (whether or not they actually go through with it). I think thoughts of cheating come when there is a disconnection at the sexual/erotic level with your SO. You may still have a perfect relationship otherwise (great friendship, support, trust, common goals, etc) but still not desire your SO erotically. Why is that? if it ever happened to you, please explain how/what was going on through your mind.
If you ever stopped feeling passion/desire for your SO, did you manage to gain it back later, and if yes, what helped?
In case someone will ask: I did speak to my husband and at this point I am in the process of trying to make it work with him. What I didn't tell my husband is that I don't feel attracted to him, despite him giving me more attention lately. His attention and affection feels too familial and comfortable: it strengthens the feeling of security, but does nothing for the feeling of desire. I am not willing to trade eroticism for security but my goal now is to bring eroticism back. I want to make myself passionate about my husband again. It's just not working so far, and if anyone has any good suggestions, I'm very open to learning.
OP I know, from your previous posts, some of the issues that you two have faced but also consider this; maybe your lack of passion or desire for him might not just be about a lack of connection. It may be hormonal as well for either of you, and if this is the case sexual desire would be difficult to have if there is an imbalance in this area. I'm not saying this IS the case, but it is definitely something you should consider if you are over 30 or have any issues with your thyroid.
I don't think you realize how helpful your post is.
I agree with 1986, if you genuinely want this marriage to be over, then go down to your local court house and file for divorce asap. Life is too short, why drag this out? Then you can both be free to pursue other relationships or fly solo.
I agree with 1986, if you genuinely want this marriage to be over, then go down to your local court house and file for divorce asap. Life is too short, why drag this out? Then you can both be free to pursue other relationships or fly solo.
What's funny is that when I was thinking of actually requesting a divorce (and posting about that here) a dozen of people started telling me about how marriage is worth fighting for and I should seek counseling, and divorce should be a last resort, and some tried to shame me for thinking of divorce.
As soon as I post about actually trying to give it a chance and seeking tips on how to work it out, now I hear divorce, divorce!
What's funny is that when I was thinking of actually requesting a divorce (and posting about that here) a dozen of people started telling me about how marriage is worth fighting for and I should seek counseling, and divorce should be a last resort, and some tried to shame me for thinking of divorce.
As soon as I post about actually trying to give it a chance and seeking tips on how to work it out, now I hear divorce, divorce!
Yes, but only if you think your marriage is worth fighting for; it honestly doesn't sound like you do. Divorce doesn't have to be a traumatic, life-altering failure, especially since (if I understand correctly) there are no children in the mix yet.
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