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I'll get to the point.... I met a girl on match.com that I honestly really like. I have been dating on and off match.com for the past few years. I have probably went on dates with 50 something women. This is probably the only girl I've dated that I can see myself with long term. I just really enjoy her company. We've been dating for 5 weeks, 1 date/week. Every date we've had has been 2 or 3 hours. Really nothing awkard, we have unreal chemistry, and we have a ton in common. She came over last night to my apartment and we made out, watched tv, hung out, etc, etc...
The problem has been I have pretty much intiated each date and setup each date. I initiate most of the texts, however she always responds. I just feel like at some point she should start to take some initiative. The only hints I get from her is she often checks my match.com profile, as I can see her in my profile views. I am wondering if she is trying to hint for me to get off there. She hasn't added me on facebook, invited me to anything to get closer to her... I am just totally clueless with this chick. I am thinking she is probably dating other dudes or something. I haven't been out with another chick since I met her. I have been responding to women who message me on match.com but haven't been on any dates as I am seeing where this goes... I am probably over thinking it. I just don't want to bring up exclusivity and scare her off. Any advice would be awesome.
I wouldn't call this playing games.. This just seems like the first stages of dating. If you really like her - talk to her about it. You might be surprised!
there isn't enough info on her. since you're the initiator, you've giving her power over you, that's for sure. while she does respond, you have no clue, at this point, what her intentions are. She could be dating other guys. She could be busy. She could be taking her sweet time about things. or just be the type who likes to be pursued. either way you're giving her control. again, who knows what her intentions are?
I can see both perspectives... Either just ask her or back off and see if she's actually interested... It's honestly weird, b/c I have probably the most women to this point in my life pursuing me, yet I am ignoring them to focus on this one girl who is giving off mixed signals. I think I may just back off and see what happens. I'm afraid she'll prob fade away, but I guess we'll see.
I can see both perspectives... Either just ask her or back off and see if she's actually interested... It's honestly weird, b/c I have probably the most women to this point in my life pursuing me, yet I am ignoring them to focus on this one girl who is giving off mixed signals. I think I may just back off and see what happens. I'm afraid she'll prob fade away, but I guess we'll see.
for what it's worth, your gut reaction is usually right in the long run.
for what it's worth, your gut reaction is usually right in the long run.
I have to agree with Jay. Both your ages and backgrounds are unknown so it is impossible to know what the hell is going through her head/heart.
If she is young/shy, it could explain her lack of initiative. For older more experienced ladies, imho, I have to lean towards her not being that into you. She likes you but she is not that crazy about you to commit so she got you on stand by. She could also be seeing others or thinking you are a player so she is not taking things seriously.
Here is what I would do at least for a week or two to get a feel for things:
- Lay off of her (do not initiate anything, do not be too available), see if she eventually initiates.
- Immediately lay off match.com. Do not even log in, nothing.
By doing the above, you are eliminating various possible reasons why she might have been taking things slow and superficial.
After doing both of those for at least a week or more so 2 weeks, she doesn't initiate a single call or she seems insincere and casual with her communication, I say she is quite likely not that into you or she is being floozy.
One thing some guys do is show too much interest in the girl, try to please her or simply be too available yet they fail to create any interest in her towards themselves!
So, the guy thinks things are going great, but in reality, he could actually be experiencing a one-sided, delusional romance.
PS. I am a cynical, jaded bast@rd so it may be wise for you to ignore everything I wrote above.
If you like her enough to consider becoming exclusive with her (and she's the only one in 50 you've felt like this about) I'd say its worth mentioning to her that you've enjoyed your 5 dates thus far and asking her where she thinks this is going/where she wants this to go. You don't necessarily have to become exclusive, but clarifying things can be good. If things are still confusing after that, I'd say take TurcoLoco's suggestion.
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