Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-29-2008, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Arizona
667 posts, read 2,294,922 times
Reputation: 535

Advertisements

I do not know how to handle this situation nor do I know how to react or what to say.

My husband & I moved from our lovely home in Missouri to Arizona to live near his parents, a beautiful & loving couple. His mom & I became good friends quickly & considering I lost my mother when I was 12, this was comforting for me. The only woman I've had in my life since my childhood.
For the past year spending time with such a wonderful couple has been great! We have learned from them & have gone to them for some guidence through rough times. We rely on them for friendship, guidence & so on.
Well, mom broke the news that her & dad are splitting up. TOTALLY UNEXPECTED!! My husband & I were completely shocked!! Why? He doesn't give her enough intimacy & does not romance her & she tries alot of things to spark his interest.
This is a horrible feeling, a first for me. I do not know how to react around them. The only sane couple we know, now split. The only woman I've bonded with, now distant. The only stable father figure, now very depressed & weary.
I just do not know how to handle this. Needed to vent.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-29-2008, 11:58 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,758 posts, read 40,005,634 times
Reputation: 18033
Just be there for both of them. They both need your love, support and understanding.

I'm so sorry that they are splitting up. But maybe some time apart will do them good and they will find their way back to each other. Otherwise, remember that they are just people too, and while it's wonderful that you love them so much, don't put them on any pedestals. I think that you did put them on a pedestal because of their wonderfulness, and of course you are upset that they are not perfect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2008, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Arizona
667 posts, read 2,294,922 times
Reputation: 535
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Just be there for both of them. They both need your love, support and understanding.

Otherwise, remember that they are just people too, and while it's wonderful that you love them so much, don't put them on any pedestals. I think that you did put them on a pedestal because of their wonderfulness, and of course you are upset that they are not perfect.
I'm upset because for once in my life I had a nice & normal family. It was wonderful to finally experience this & it fell apart too quickly.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2008, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,525,703 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by collected_eve View Post
I do not know how to handle this situation nor do I know how to react or what to say.

My husband & I moved from our lovely home in Missouri to Arizona to live near his parents, a beautiful & loving couple. His mom & I became good friends quickly & considering I lost my mother when I was 12, this was comforting for me. The only woman I've had in my life since my childhood.
For the past year spending time with such a wonderful couple has been great! We have learned from them & have gone to them for some guidence through rough times. We rely on them for friendship, guidence & so on.
Well, mom broke the news that her & dad are splitting up. TOTALLY UNEXPECTED!! My husband & I were completely shocked!! Why? He doesn't give her enough intimacy & does not romance her & she tries alot of things to spark his interest.
This is a horrible feeling, a first for me. I do not know how to react around them. The only sane couple we know, now split. The only woman I've bonded with, now distant. The only stable father figure, now very depressed & weary.
I just do not know how to handle this. Needed to vent.
I really miss my ex-husband's stepmother. I know that someday we will be able to spend time together again. So I can sympathize here.

I would send off a caring card to both of them; telling them both that you love them and that they are both very important people in your lives and that you would be grateful that after the dust has cleared from their division, you and your family would be able to continue a valued relationship with each of them without the other becoming uncomfortable.

Put it in writing; tell them you care.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2008, 12:43 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,758 posts, read 40,005,634 times
Reputation: 18033
As I said before, perhaps they will get back together. Maybe once they are apart for a while, his dad will figure out how to become a warmer person for his mom. Maybe your husband and you can help him with that. But at least, the marriage didn't fall apart because one of them cheated. It sounds like both of them love each other, but the dad wasn't good at showing it to her. And has the dad said anything about why they are splitting? Does he agree with what she says? Is the divorce final yet? What about the two of them being encouraged to go into counseling?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2008, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Arizona
667 posts, read 2,294,922 times
Reputation: 535
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
As I said before, perhaps they will get back together........ And has the dad said anything about why they are splitting? Does he agree with what she says? Is the divorce final yet? What about the two of them being encouraged to go into counseling?
Dad is agreeing with mom. He acknowledges that he hasn't been "there" for her in those ways that a wife needs.
The divorce isn't final yet. Though mom says if he cannot make her fall back in love with him than they will go forth with it.
I heard that they have been to counseling. This has been going on secretly for a few years.
I say Viagra!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2008, 01:12 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,758 posts, read 40,005,634 times
Reputation: 18033
Quote:
Originally Posted by collected_eve View Post
Dad is agreeing with mom. He acknowledges that he hasn't been "there" for her in those ways that a wife needs.
The divorce isn't final yet. Though mom says if he cannot make her fall back in love with him than they will go forth with it.
I heard that they have been to counseling. This has been going on secretly for a few years.
I say Viagra!
Do you really think that it's about a lack of sex? lol! I was going to suggest them doing something like taking ballroom dancing lessons, or learning a foreign language and taking a romantic trip to Italy, Ireland or the Greek Isles together. What I usually see is how couples in LTR's slowly growing apart and not having interests in common to hold them together after their kids grow up and leave the house.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2008, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Arizona
667 posts, read 2,294,922 times
Reputation: 535
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Do you really think that it's about a lack of sex? lol!
From what I hear, yeah, that's the most part of the situation. Strange, huh?
He's apparently just not putting out & well, mama needs some!

And it's scary for me b'c I'm married to his son!

I'm really confused about it, though. The minute I felt a place of comfort in family life, things go haywire. It's depressing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2008, 01:32 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,758 posts, read 40,005,634 times
Reputation: 18033
Ummm... well how is his dad's health? Is he overweight? Were the early years in their marriage really good ones?

I feel that if your relationship with your husband is good now and the two of you have good open honest communication, you will be fine decades from now. As to the sex, it's not all about intercourse. Imo, it's more about expressing your affection and love for your partner and wanting to pleasure them. Even making him laugh or feel good about himself is for me a sign of my affection and caring and affection for him. From your first post, it sounded more like your husband's dad was not interested in the cuddling, hugging and touching that leads up to foreplay and then more, not that he was sexually dysfunctional. How old are they?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2008, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Arizona
667 posts, read 2,294,922 times
Reputation: 535
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Ummm... well how is his dad's health? Is he overweight? Were the early years in their marriage really good ones?

I feel that if your relationship with your husband is good now and the two of you have good open honest communication, you will be fine decades from now. As to the sex, it's not all about intercourse. Imo, it's more about expressing your affection and love for your partner and wanting to pleasure them. Even making him laugh or feel good about himself is for me a sign of my affection and caring and affection for him. From your first post, it sounded more like your husband's dad was not interested in the cuddling, hugging and touching that leads up to foreplay and then more, not that he was sexually dysfunctional. How old are they?
He's in great shape, rather attractive, actually. He is 54 & she is 42. And she is one hot mama, too!

And he isn't interested in the cuddling, romancing part, either. But I think it falls more on sex. She wants her man that way, too.

I still haven't talked to either of them since the breaking news, so all I have is what bits & pieces my hubby gives me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top