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The day is not about you. Or him. Or your friends. If he doesnt want to "dress up" and you want him to go, then just go with him. He's a big boy, and you are a big girl. You arent responsible for him. As long as he's clean and dressed reasonably well, then whats the issue? You dress yourself how you want to go. And enjoy the day.
If I left him home I have to deal with people whispering about him not being there, and then all the questions of where he is. I can't handle that sometimes. Telling the truth would just cause more gossip etc....I don't agree that he shouldn't have to dress up....I think he needs to be and adult and be respectful. It's rare it happens so why be so selfish.
People are going to whisper about him regardless. He's apparently "the guy who doesn't know how/refuses to dress for the occasion." He'll stand out, so he'll get talked about.
Apparently, no, he will not change his mind out of love and respect for you. He sounds very immature, and that sucks, but I would not let it dampen my mood. Go, and make a joke about it.
"Well, you know Joe. He'll be wearing sweatpants in his casket!" Then enjoy the wedding.
How would he react if you both went to the wedding dressed in jeans and T-shirt? Would he think you were just fine that way? If so, then it REALLY does not matter to him about dress codes. Would he go to a White House dinner in jeans and T? Would he even be let in? I don't know, but if he has no respect for dress codes even in that situation, he won't change who he is for anyone, so you may as well accept him as is and stop worrying about it. If he's a good husband other than a few minor flaws like this, treasure him. If he's not, then replace him!
Anyway, take him to the wedding. Be proud of who he is, rather than how he looks. If he's uncomfortable, do make him stay until you're ready to go - after all, it's his choice how he dresses, so he must accept any consequences.
"Who he is" may well be a person who is contemptuous of his partner.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Let me tell you about the last 3 weddings I went to. The first two I wore a suit and tie, despite the heat in the CA summer. I found that maybe 25% of the men wore sportcoat, another 25% dress shirt and tie, the rest neither. By the 3rd one I decided to be more comfortable and go with just the shirt and tie, but after the ceremony loosened it up as did the other few people wearing them. That one was in the Seattle area. I just think that for the guests weddings have become far less formal, and applaud the trend for letting us be more comfortable and enjoy the festivities.
He probably doesn't want to go in the first place and is hoping you'll tell him to stay home.
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