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So in 2013 I began dating a woman who I met at work who had recently been divorced from a 7 year marriage where she was neglected. She fell hard for me and told her friends that she was more in love with me than she ever was with her ex husband. I showed her attention, did sweet things for her, left her notes, and loved her just as much as she did me. She is 7 years older than me (I'm 23 now and she is 30.) we were strong for almost a year and then it headed south.
Because of the age difference and my shallow and lack of knowledge on love we began to grow stagnant and I began losing my feelings for her. However, she stuck through everything and never gave up on me. She was desperate for my love to come back to her and fought for it every day for over a year. Now I don't want you to think I treated her bad but it's just that I didn't know how to treat her right. Her understanding of love and her commitment and passion and heart and sacrifice are greater than any other woman's I have ever seen and she showed that in the way she loved me and never gave up on me. However I saw this as immaturity and we hit a rough patch over the last few months of our relationship where we were off and on about 4 or 5 times. I would break up with her and miss her after a couple days. I'd text her or call her and ask her to get back together with me. Because of the way she loved me she always gave me another chance....until this last time. I broke up with her and thought it was over for good.
Two weeks later I woke up and realized what I had lost. That should have been the mother of my children, my wife, and my only love for the rest of my life. I and her both are strong Christians and through reading a couple books my heart for her has completely changed and I am more in love with her than ever and strongly believe she is the one for me. There's a catch, she's now seeing someone. He treats her right and hasn't ever hurt her but I am still fighting for her. I can't give up on her. Her friends tell me they think we are meant to be together and they believe that I have truly changed this time but my ex is not so sure. We talk sometimes and she tells me that I am still deeply in her heart but she is just scared that I'm just after the chase and once I get her back we will fall into the same problems as we did before, but I KNOW 100000% that I will never go back to treating her the way I did before. I long for her.
She is currently in the state of trying to decide who to be with and I'm not sure how to handle it. She is still seeing him and not spending anytime with me so I feel like she is inevitably grow stronger with him and lose feelings for me. I do have an advantage though, her and I connect on a level I never thought imaginable. We often joke about having ESP (extra special powers) because we get each other so well and she has told me she doesn't have that connection with him. It's been a week since we last talked. She told me that every time we talk I break down her guard and she gets closer and closer to trusting me again, but her friend told me I should respect their relationship and no longer contact her so that's why I haven't spoken to her in a week. Is this the right thing to do? I don't want her to think I have given up on her but I also want to respect her.. Will love prevail even if I am absent from her daily life?
P.S. Her best friend tells me that after talking to me and talking to my ex that I shouldn't give up.
Last edited by JakeSmith987654321; 09-26-2015 at 11:34 AM..
But know that commitment is a choice, whether or not you happen to be feeling it that day. There is no magic spell that's gonna make you a good partner. You just do it.
So if you really are 100000% sure, and you want her to choose you AGAIN, then you need to grow up and stand behind your words with actions this time.
So in 2013 I began dating a woman who I met at work who had recently been divorced from a 7 year marriage where she was neglected. She fell hard for me and told her friends that she was more in love with me than she ever was with her ex husband.
I showed her attention, did sweet things for her, left her notes, and loved her just as much as she did me. She is 7 years older than me (I'm 23 now and she is 30.) we were strong for almost a year and then it headed south. Because of the age difference and my shallow and lack of knowledge on love we began to grow stagnant and I began losing my feelings for her.
However, she stuck through everything and never gave up on me. She was desperate for my love to come back to her and fought for it every day for over a year. Now I don't want you to think I treated her bad but it's just that I didn't know how to treat her right. Her understanding of love and her commitment and passion and heart and sacrifice are greater than any other woman's I have ever seen and she showed that in the way she loved me and never gave up on me. However I saw this as immaturity and we hit a rough patch over the last few months of our relationship where we were off and on about 4 or 5 times. I would break up with her and miss her after a couple days. I'd text her or call her and ask her to get back together with me.
Because of the way she loved me she always gave me another chance....until this last time. I broke up with her and thought it was over for good. Two weeks later I woke up and realized what I had lost. That should have been the mother of my children, my wife, and my only love for the rest of my life. I and her both are strong Christians and through reading a couple books my heart for her has completely changed and I am more in love with her than ever and strongly believe she is the one for me.
There's a catch, she's now seeing someone. He treats her right and hasn't ever hurt her but I am still fighting for her. I can't give up on her. Her friends tell me they think we are meant to be together and they believe that I have truly changed this time but my ex is not so sure. We talk sometimes and she tells me that I am still deeply in her heart but she is just scared that I'm just after the chase and once I get her back we will fall into the same problems as we did before, but I KNOW 100000% that I will never go back to treating her the way I did before. I long for her.
She is currently in the state of trying to decide who to be with and I'm not sure how to handle it. She is still seeing him and not spending anytime with me so I feel like she is inevitably grow stronger with him and lose feelings for me. I do have an advantage though, her and I connect on a level I never thought imaginable. We often joke about having ESP (extra special powers) because we get each other so well and she has told me she doesn't have that connection with him.
It's been a week since we last talked. She told me that every time we talk I break down her guard and she gets closer and closer to trusting me again, but her friend told me I should respect their relationship and no longer contact her so that's why I haven't spoken to her in a week. Is this the right thing to do? I don't want her to think I have given up on her but I also want to respect her.. Will love prevail even if I am absent from her daily life?
P.S. Her best friend tells me that after talking to me and talking to my ex that I shouldn't give up.
Did you a favor ... so others can read your post.
You still don't know what a relationship is. You only want it when you don't have it ... a few days or two weeks, not much difference, and every time you want her back. You need to mature.
She is right, if she takes you back, it will happen again and again.
If she wants any kind of life after nine years of crappy relationships (ex and yours), she'll see if the new guy is any better fare.
You fight for a relationship when you're in it, not after you have ended it. You can let her know (once) you are available for her, but after that, leave her alone.
Wmsn4life... I couldn't give up even if I wanted to. She is everything I want and need in a woman.. Everything about her (except the way she eats cereal lol).
I definitely understand that commitment is a choice and that's what I'm trying to show her now is that even when she is with someone else trying to figure this out and I'm hurting beyond belief every day that I will continue to choose to love her and be committed to her in the worst situations. I'm in this for the long haul.
I understand that I need to pull through with actions this time but how do I do that when she is seeing someone else?
Greyhorsewoman.. Thank you for making my post easier to read.. I'm not very good at forums.
With all do respect, I do indeed know what a relationship is, what commitment is, what sacrifice is, what love is, what passion is. And I have matured 10 fold since we last broke up (now almost two months ago). I really do understand that you think it will happen over and over again because that is definitely the stage that I set, but it would not be that way.
My advice is just move on. I made myself look like a fool once trying to win back an ex. I’m sure many other men have done the same.
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