How can I be a good wife? (marriage, women, husband)

[candanerj]

My grandma and grandad are still together and they've always been happy. I'm going to get married soon so I asked my grandma for some advice. She gave me some good pointers but she also said that in order to make a marriage work you have to be willing to put in the work, be a giver, and learn to be flexible. I want my marriage to work, and my grandma's advice is very helpful but I wonder if anyone here can give me some more pointers. How can I be a good wife and make my marriage work?

[rbohm]

i think grandma said it best. any relationship is always a work in progress, and each relationship is different, so what specifics worked for grandma, might not work for you. the best anyone can give you is general advice, aka some guidelines to follow.

somethings to work on;

communication. you need to keep the lines open and operating between you and your spouse

flexibility. there are things your spouse is going to like that you dont, so learn the art of the deal. if he wants to do something you dont like, then make sure he does something you like and he doesnt.

understanding. there are going to be times when the two of you dont want do things together. he might want to watch his favorite sport with his buddies, and you might want to do things with your buddies. recognize this and give each other space.

both of you are going to have to make the effort to make your marriage work. the early years are going to be the toughest normally, as both of you have to learn to live with each other, and learn the art of compromise. you two also need to grow up together as well. it does get easier and smoother as you two get used to each other. in the later years though you are going to have to figure a way to keep your interest in each other going.

and there will be bad times as well that you will have to deal with. there are going to be times when you two just hate each other, those are the times that will try your commitment to the relationship.

forgiveness is a true virtue when the bad times hit.

[RJ312]

Have an active sex life.

[ScarletG]

Make sure you pick someone that wants to be a good husband first. All the one sided giving on the planet won't make a good marriage.

Being flexible is a good start....just don't freak over every little problem or disappointment.
Learn to communicate with each other is probably the most important thing in total.
Don't try to be the perfect martyr ....you will only become resentful.

[mishigas73]

I'd say listen to your grandma.

Don't forget to have fun and laugh. Life's too short not to.

[wheelz]

Stay away from garlic and onions unless your spouse is eating them at the same time as you. Personally, I never touch the stuff.

[brrabbit]

Whatever you do, after some time it would be an old story and your husband won't think twice about it, so it would be expected of you. Whatever you don't do though, would be an irritation for him, if he grows up expecting it...

I guess the best would be to live together for a while, before marrying each other. My take is that unless one is pregnant, there's no need for official marriage. And don't have children, unless you sure you'd want him around for the rest of your life (even if you'd be separated/divorced, he still will be around in one way or another when children and child support are involved)

[ClearEyes650]

Try to solve all of your arguments pretty quickly and don't let them fester. Try to meet in the middle on things, but sometimes one of you will have to give in. Make time for you as a couple despite all the grind of every day life.

[Statz2k10]

Here's just a thought different than what you'll probably hear on here.

Your grandma grew up in a different decade/generation than you. A lot of people would consider a lot of women who grew up when your grandma did the type of women who follows her husbands lead. I'm not saying that's the case but a lot of older women still have that mentality that the man is the one who makes the decisions in the family and knows what is best. They believe this because when they were kids their mother had the same belief that women follow the husbands lead and do as they are told. Not in all aspects of life but women today definitely have more freedom in 2015 than they did in 1965. So many women decades ago were dependent on their husband to make it in the world. Now days it's very easy to get a divorce and take 50% of the property between the two and have the children for 75% of the time while receiving child support.

I'm not speaking to that in a negative way but just trying to point out that a lot of things are different than they once were. Your grandma might not fit this category in your point of view. She might be the one who runs the house hold. But from what I've seen in so many older couples 70+ is a type of connection that the women still some what follows the lead of there husband and truly believes he knows what is best and knows that divorce is not an option.

So many people both men and women look into divorce before really trying to work things out. Instead of maybe being miserable for a year and slowly working things out they jump the gun and split up.

I know I've kind of gotten off on a tangent I just think that married couples in there elder ages have a type of connection that married couples of today will never have.

The tips/help from your grandma will be beneficial but I still think she probably has a dedication that so many young married couples will never have because it's not really something that can be taught. It's learned from their parents and is instilled with them forever.

You mentioned about being flexible and a giver. Those are great tips. But your definition of being flexible and a giver might be a lot different than what she considers being flexible and a giver. Because of how society is now women are told they should expect more from the man. Where as when your grandma grew up that was not the case.

For the record I'm not saying a wife should live in that type of atmosphere I just think that's why you see many couples in there older ages still together because that's what they are used too. Couples today are too focused on doing what's popular and what the media says is right. And a lot of distractions these days versus the amount of distractions that couples dealt with in the 50's and 60's (and prior).

[rosebyanothername]

Watch the alcohol.....it can and will wreak a marriage if either has a problem with it.