Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I can usually pick up very quickly whether a woman is interested in me, I pay very close attention to non-verbal cues. And yes, If I pick up a negative vibe then more than likely there will be little interest in her on my part. I'll be polite but nothing beyond that. Not to beat this drum again, but that's why I really like coffee dates because I can slip away pretty easily. As for the rest of what you wrote, I've always asked if she wanted me to walk her to her car after the date, even the ones I knew I would never see again. I think that's just common courtesy.
Basic politeness would dictate that the guys at least offer to walk you to your car.
I realize we live in this hyper politically correct times now and women are all equal to men in every facet of life, blah blah blah.
The real deal is is that women are smaller, and in general less able to fend off an assault, so ignoring the PC police and simply make an effort to help ensure her safety would be a nice thing, right???
The problem also stems from people basically being selfish and not bothering, because as you've said, a couple of the guys there was no mutual attraction and they probably figured that they'd never see you again, so why bother, there's nothing in it for them.
Sort of sad times in that respect, people not bothering.... to me it's just good "neighborly" family values to try and help look out for others.
Basic politeness would dictate that the guys at least offer to walk you to your car.
I realize we live in this hyper politically correct times now and women are all equal to men in every facet of life, blah blah blah.
The real deal is is that women are smaller, and in general less able to fend off an assault, so ignoring the PC police and simply make an effort to help ensure her safety would be a nice thing, right???
The problem also stems from people basically being selfish and not bothering, because as you've said, a couple of the guys there was no mutual attraction and they probably figured that they'd never see you again, so why bother, there's nothing in it for them.
Sort of sad times in that respect, people not bothering.... to me it's just good "neighborly" family values to try and help look out for others.
I think this is why it bothers me so much, there's nothing in it for them so why bother walking me to my car, which I can understand if it's on a busy street or in broad daylight, but at 10pm on street across from a cemetery (That was the Friday night situation) at least have the courtesy to offer. It's like I'm not interested in her so who cares what happens to her, sorry but if there was any small thing I could do to ensure the safety of my dates whether I was interested in them or not I'd do it. Heck I remember years ago I was on a date with a guy I was not interested in but outside it was raining pretty bad so after the date I insisted on diving him to the train station so he wouldn't have to walk in the cold rain and he was very appreciative of that gesture.
I think this is why it bothers me so much, there's nothing in it for them so why bother walking me to my car, which I can understand if it's on a busy street or in broad daylight, but at 10pm on street across from a cemetery (That was the Friday night situation) at least have the courtesy to offer. It's like I'm not interested in her so who cares what happens to her, sorry but if there was any small thing I could do to ensure the safety of my dates whether I was interested in them or not I'd do it. Heck I remember years ago I was on a date with a guy I was not interested in but outside it was raining pretty bad so after the date I insisted on diving him to the train station so he wouldn't have to walk in the cold rain and he was very appreciative of that gesture.
I'm not a religious guy, but in the interest of fairness the ol' good book does have some decent advice at times.
The whole "do on the to others" bit.
I think if people made a bit more effort just sometimes, things would just be a little better overall.
I think this is why it bothers me so much, there's nothing in it for them so why bother walking me to my car, which I can understand if it's on a busy street or in broad daylight, but at 10pm on street across from a cemetery (That was the Friday night situation) at least have the courtesy to offer. It's like I'm not interested in her so who cares what happens to her, sorry but if there was any small thing I could do to ensure the safety of my dates whether I was interested in them or not I'd do it. Heck I remember years ago I was on a date with a guy I was not interested in but outside it was raining pretty bad so after the date I insisted on diving him to the train station so he wouldn't have to walk in the cold rain and he was very appreciative of that gesture.
You said that your car was less than a block away and you probably would have declined. Why are you ticked about not being offered something you didn't really want?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
You said that your car was less than a block away and you probably would have declined. Why are you ticked about not being offered something you didn't really want?
IMO she is just looking for an excuse to complain about men. How else could you take this whole thread?
You said that your car was less than a block away and you probably would have declined. Why are you ticked about not being offered something you didn't really want?
This. Again.
I think the OP needs to take a serious look into herself and question WHY she wanted this so badly, knowing she would have declined and that her car was nearby.
THIS is a symptom of the very thing so many guys bring up. While the OP herself may be perfectly courteous and might never do such a thing, guys out there ARE being given the cold shoulder when they attempt to behave in gentlemanly fashion. Not all guys, and not by all women; but it's enough it merits consideration.
Why, OP, must men stick to "the forms" while women are free to reject said forms openly?
Now typically Chowhound and I tend to agree on a lot of stuff, but I've reached an age and a level of experience where others may clamour that I'm allowing bad behavior on the part of others to influence me, while I feel I need not put forth extra expenditure of time or effort to prove to someone who doesn't give two farts about me who I really am:
Oh, NO fair lady who rejected me less than politely, I shan't fail in MY gentlemanly duties! I shall insist on walking thee to thy carriage, of cert, lest thou should find thyself beset by ill-mannered hooligans! 'Tis past the hour of vespers and we know not what villainous cretins may lurk in umber'd corner!
"No, I mean it. I'm fine."
But--
"No means no."
I've reached a point where if it's dark outside and the area isn't well-lit, I'll make the offer. Around here, the formula still applies: If she's not interested in me, she's not interested in my escort.
Further, from a woman's POV, she's not interested in me seeing her car, possibly taking her license number and performing internet witchery in order to stalk her to her home. Or doing a Captain Kirk judo chop to her neck and foisting her in the trunk while I take her keys.
WOULD I do such a thing? No. But let's get real here, once a woman decides she's not interested in you, you stop being a prospective mate. At best you're a passing acquaintance, at worst ANY possible sort of creep she met in a bar (or in my case, a bookstore). She had a conversation with you, it doesn't mean she knows you and it doesn't mean she wants you around any longer. Good day, sir. I said good day!
I'll admit, I stand and watch until any woman gets to her vehicle, or walk to my own while keeping an eye -- but it's enough. When I offer and she says no, she's a free woman, and my social equal, and thus self-accountable. On her head be it.
I know that comes across as bleak and somewhat misogynistic, but I assure you, it's not.
I think the OP needs to take a serious look into herself and question WHY she wanted this so badly, knowing she would have declined and that her car was nearby.
THIS is a symptom of the very thing so many guys bring up. While the OP herself may be perfectly courteous and might never do such a thing, guys out there ARE being given the cold shoulder when they attempt to behave in gentlemanly fashion. Not all guys, and not by all women; but it's enough it merits consideration.
Why, OP, must men stick to "the forms" while women are free to reject said forms openly?
Now typically Chowhound and I tend to agree on a lot of stuff, but I've reached an age and a level of experience where others may clamour that I'm allowing bad behavior on the part of others to influence me, while I feel I need not put forth extra expenditure of time or effort to prove to someone who doesn't give two farts about me who I really am:
Oh, NO fair lady who rejected me less than politely, I shan't fail in MY gentlemanly duties! I shall insist on walking thee to thy carriage, of cert, lest thou should find thyself beset by ill-mannered hooligans! 'Tis past the hour of vespers and we know not what villainous cretins may lurk in umber'd corner!
"No, I mean it. I'm fine."
But--
"No means no."
I've reached a point where if it's dark outside and the area isn't well-lit, I'll make the offer. Around here, the formula still applies: If she's not interested in me, she's not interested in my escort.
Further, from a woman's POV, she's not interested in me seeing her car, possibly taking her license number and performing internet witchery in order to stalk her to her home. Or doing a Captain Kirk judo chop to her neck and foisting her in the trunk while I take her keys.
WOULD I do such a thing? No. But let's get real here, once a woman decides she's not interested in you, you stop being a prospective mate. At best you're a passing acquaintance, at worst ANY possible sort of creep she met in a bar (or in my case, a bookstore). She had a conversation with you, it doesn't mean she knows you and it doesn't mean she wants you around any longer. Good day, sir. I said good day!
I'll admit, I stand and watch until any woman gets to her vehicle, or walk to my own while keeping an eye -- but it's enough. When I offer and she says no, she's a free woman, and my social equal, and thus self-accountable. On her head be it.
I know that comes across as bleak and somewhat misogynistic, but I assure you, it's not.
What it is... is tired.
It's her EGO in the end that's fueling this. She's met several guys and nothing has really went anywhere. It's why some women get online to window shop, and some men get online to get an easy lay. Both parties have probably had some trouble finding the person they desire to share their lives with. The best way for them to feel a little better about themselves, is to step over someone beneath them.
It happens all the time in the past, present, and future. There's always going to be someone that comes in first place and someone who comes in last place.
The OP is just disappointed that dating isn't going her way, so she's nit picking things that in the grand scheme of things, don't even matter. Most of us have done it before, till we end up dating or in a relationship with someone we ACTUALLY want to be with. This will all go away when she meets someone that she clicks with.
It's her EGO in the end that's fueling this. She's met several guys and nothing has really went anywhere. It's why some women get online to window shop, and some men get online to get an easy lay. Both parties have probably had some trouble finding the person they desire to share their lives with. The best way for them to feel a little better about themselves, is to step over someone beneath them.
It happens all the time in the past, present, and future. There's always going to be someone that comes in first place and someone who comes in last place.
The OP is just disappointed that dating isn't going her way, so she's nit picking things that in the grand scheme of things, don't even matter. Most of us have done it before, till we end up dating or in a relationship with someone we ACTUALLY want to be with. This will all go away when she meets someone that she clicks with.
It's her EGO in the end that's fueling this. She's met several guys and nothing has really went anywhere. It's why some women get online to window shop, and some men get online to get an easy lay. Both parties have probably had some trouble finding the person they desire to share their lives with. The best way for them to feel a little better about themselves, is to step over someone beneath them.
It happens all the time in the past, present, and future. There's always going to be someone that comes in first place and someone who comes in last place.
The OP is just disappointed that dating isn't going her way, so she's nit picking things that in the grand scheme of things, don't even matter. Most of us have done it before, till we end up dating or in a relationship with someone we ACTUALLY want to be with. This will all go away when she meets someone that she clicks with.
Sorry but no, having a man walk me to my car has nothing to do with ego. I've had men who have walked me to my car before where there was clearly no interest on both sides, I don't think to myself "oh he walked me to my car, he must like me", the only thing that crosses my mind when a man walks me to my car is that he's a gentleman (which seems to be a dying breed in this day and age). The way the actual date goes and if he calls afterwards is how I know whether or not he in interested, so no it's not an ego thing. To me a walking a woman to her car is no indication of interest, at least not in my book.
I will always think it is rude for a man not to at least offer to walk a woman to her car or what not when it is dark out, sorry if that offends anybody but I know there's plenty of people who would agree with me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
