Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
And most people I know earning well into six figures drive rather modest looking cars. Most something like a Prius, or a Subaru Forester. Heck, even a Honda Fit seems to be a popular choice with the 150k+ tech crowd.
Well in his defense (gag) he's in finance, not tech. But, to your point, I cannot imagine a man in the six figure income category having this much trouble with the ladies. Still, if I had it to do over and I found myself in the exact, and I mean exact, the very same situation as our Joey... well I certainly wouldn't be complaining. I've met some very sweet and caring 'round the way' girls in my day. A buppie could do a whole lot worse. Word to a brother.
I've never dated a flashy man in terms of possessions--but my dad is flashy. He makes a lot of money, and owns a boxster Porsche. My dad had similar upbringings as the op, but was a short, fat, dark skin man with a lot of anger issues and a lot to prove. Sometimes I find his flashiness(the level he goes to show off that he makes a lot of money) to be obnoxious. That being said I wouldn't be opposed to dating a man with a flashy sports car if he didn't place too much emphasis on his material possessions making him entitled to certain things and better than others(the way my dad does). I like fast sports cars myself--I just bought a Mazda CX-5 in January because of my son, but when i was shopping cars all I was eyeing were the convertibles and the super fast sports cars. I recently got to drive my sisters Mini Cooper and that was a Smooth fast ride. I loved it. if I hadn't had my son, I would not have an suv--fast, nice rides are a plus especially if a man lets me drive his, lol.
The majority of men I've dated have always made a similar amount as I do, or more, but not in the six figure range(we are all in our mid to late twenties still). So most have had nice cars for what they make but nothing super flashy. I will admit that while the men I've dated haven't been flashy in terms of material possessions, they have been in terms of their looks. Body wise or face wise, they were used to pulling a lot of females based on both, always complimented based on both, and worked out like crazy(placing emphasis on remaining swole and attractive to ladies). Tbh I found the arrogance to be sexy. Since I love to work out too and I'm a gym head too, I also understood their obsession with their bodies and the emphasis they placed on it. I find shirtless pics to be a turn on lol. But again as I admitted earlier, I'm a shallow person. It's one of the things that haven't changed about me. Admittingly I'm not looking for a relationship or something of substance(and looking back on past relationships because I'm a shallow person with a tendency to be b***** and selfish, my relationships have almost always been shallow, with men that were equally shallow a-holes, and the "relationships" involved a lot of game playing, running hot then cold, and so on). The moment things seemed to be getting too deep, I was ready to run in the opposite direction--again all the makings of a shallow person incapable of understanding how to be in a meaningful relationship.
So... All of this to say, the op probably should listen to the people in here who have had deep, meaningful relationships. There's a reason why he's clearly continued to have the relationships he's had and emphasizes certain qualities about himself in his profile and looks for women with similar qualities-he's shallow still... It's okay--a lot of people are. He just needs to understand that he can't expect a meaningful relationship as he is...
Well in his defense (gag) he's in finance, not tech. But, to your point, I cannot imagine a man in the six figure income category having this much trouble with the ladies. Still, if I had it to do over and I found myself in the exact, and I mean exact, the very same situation as our Joey... well I certainly wouldn't be complaining. I've met some very sweet and caring 'round the way' girls in my day. A buppie could do a whole lot worse. Word to a brother.
I mean lets be real, a six figure salary at the lower end(100k) is attractive, but in that range i still believe that there are many attractive women that place emphasis on the entire package(looks, personality, etc), especially if the woman makes close enough to what he makes. On the other hand, a man making over 400K may have s lot more forgiven if he doesn't have the entire package. In some places 100k after taxes is considered middle class and doesn't hold the same weight as a man that makes triple and holds a more prominent role. For instance I don't see the same luster as others may, with a man pulling in the low six figure range because I already know many who do(including my younger sister lol) but a man that made three to four times that amount?
Believe it or not, there are many professional men that make in the low end of six figures, that still struggle with dating, just as there are women who do. My younger sister, for instance, attractive, slim, makes in the six figure range, Ivy League education, law degree, works at a top law firm in NYC, in a sorority with a huge network, been to many weddings of friends and is still single. While men don't hold the same weight on earnings and education when dating, the way women do to men, looks wise she is attractive enough to where most would wonder why she remains single. It happens. The op may be slightly awkward, and from the looks of it doesn't know how to market himself to get the relationship he wants.
He also has a certain type and presents himself a certain way... The issue could be that even with his makeover and his admittance that he has thuggish ways, he still is very much a nerd, and would do better with this type of women but tends to date the women that are shallow like him and only drawn to what they see, instead of who he is. Meaning he never has anything substantial take off. Usually the men who are successful in dating either know how to play the "game" well, or date women that mesh well with what they are seeking. The op says he wants one thing, but on the other hand admits to seeking things that are outside of that one thing.
Last edited by Faith2187; 06-17-2016 at 09:29 AM..
Well in his defense (gag) he's in finance, not tech. But, to your point, I cannot imagine a man in the six figure income category having this much trouble with the ladies. Still, if I had it to do over and I found myself in the exact, and I mean exact, the very same situation as our Joey... well I certainly wouldn't be complaining. I've met some very sweet and caring 'round the way' girls in my day. A buppie could do a whole lot worse. Word to a brother.
I wonder if part of the OP's problem is that he said that he's pulled himself up by his bootstraps, so to speak, so maybe he doesn't have a lot of role models as to how to navigate the politics and etiquette of a middle/upper middle class lifestyle. There has been some research and writings about how for people getting into the white collar world from the blue collar world, there's some real culture shock and people can develop a chip on their shoulders. That might apply to relationships, too. If you haven't seen many examples of real-life long-term functional relationships, getting into them and staying in them might be a foreign land.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
I wonder if part of the OP's problem is that he said that he's pulled himself up by his bootstraps, so to speak, so maybe he doesn't have a lot of role models as to how to navigate the politics and etiquette of a middle/upper middle class lifestyle. There has been some research and writings about how for people getting into the white collar world from the blue collar world, there's some real culture shock and people can develop a chip on their shoulders. That might apply to relationships, too. If you haven't seen many examples of real-life long-term functional relationships, getting into them and staying in them might be a foreign land.
You may have a point. Not a middle class issue, but there certainly is a difference between old money and the nuevo riche and how they clash. I can certainly see it being the same thing.
This poor guy is SOOOO insecure. His Camaro isn't real because it's a V6, not a V8? Reminds me of that character from Silicon Valley; the "billionaire" venture capitalist who famously said, "Billionaire car doors go like this (swings arms upwards and down), not like this (waves arms forwards and backwards)!"
He's concerned with appearance. Again shallow. I can understand it... I've been depressed about very trivial things-that are about appearance-that most would be like wtf--years ago. Having my son humbled me somewhat. He's concerned about what others think about him and trying to overcompensate because he's black, was a nerd, and came from the inner city. In some ways he reminds me of my dad. In others he reminds me of parts of my former self. Unfortunately i think the op is pretty far gone, it would take something knocking him off his a$$ and his game completely for him to stop being so focused on proving he's better than where he came from and looks the part, based on what he has.
I do think a mentor would help him... My dad had a similar upbringing as the op, and had a chip on his shoulder, and a lot to prove. He eventually met someone who mentored him. He also met my mother(who was incidentally a single mother when he met her) when he was in his early twenties before he hit his prime moneymaking success years. Based on how classist, flashy, and my dads overall attitude now, I suspect that had he not met my mom when he did, he would have been like the op is now. Unfortunately the op has some things he needs to come to terms with and resolve internally-probably before dating...
Counseling would help, but I second the person who suggested he have a mentor in his life to help him navigate his success and the choices he makes.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
