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omg, if i had a dime for every guy who seemed interested in me and who had potential, I'd be a very rich lady!
You did not have a relationship, you had a penpal. Feeling that you had a connection with someone who was not liketly to ever meet with you was a rookie mistake. NEVER let your correspondence last more that a week or two before meeting. If a guy isn't interested in meeting sooner rather than later, what is he doing on a dating website?
The cook at Taco Bell or the Network Administrator doesn't have anything to "be sure" about.
Someone with something to lose takes much much longer.
(this was written in a pleading, trying to understand, and get a point across type-of-way. There is no tension )
I don't understand how and when (since we're so technology advanced now) meeting people face-to-face became the only acceptable way of getting to know them. To be completely honest, the people who "know" me in person don't really know me. I do a good job of hiding my inner feelings and what I really think when it comes to many things. I never felt that way with him. I could share anything and everything I felt or thought and it never felt wrong or odd. Although he has disappeared, and I am hurt by that, I know how I felt and regardless of what other may or may not think the feelings were, and still are, very real.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeorgiaLover
This thread really wasn't created in an attempt for those to try to steer me away from how I feel or felt. I'm not asking how to get him to come back around, or anything remotely close to that. What I really wanted to know was if someone might disappear if they were stressed out or would you believe that to be done my someone who didn't really care.
That's the thing ... none of us can guess because none of it makes sense in a typical way since it's not a relationship.
Yes, you had/have feelings, and that is possible because you interacted on a regular basis. But there is no way to predict WHY he might be doing what he's doing since there's no standard for what he "should" be doing.
How do you even know someone you only contact via messaging is "traveling," as he told you??? He could be doing ANYthing, and you would not know the difference. That's why I'm saying the construct for this relationship is all in your mind. Up to now, it's been set up the way you WANT it to be set up, which is why his "behavior" doesn't make sense now. It's not following your script because it's not normal.
It's a shame, honestly, that whatever he's doing now is causing you pain because it would be SO easy for him to NOT cause you pain ... either by just throwing you a bone every once in a while or by telling you straight up what's up.
For some reason, he's not doing that. It's cruel, really.
That's the thing ... none of us can guess because none of it makes sense in a typical way since it's not a relationship.
Yes, you had/have feelings, and that is possible because you interacted on a regular basis. But there is no way to predict WHY he might be doing what he's doing since there's no standard for what he "should" be doing.
How do you even know someone you only contact via messaging is "traveling," as he told you??? He could be doing ANYthing, and you would not know the difference. That's why I'm saying the construct for this relationship is all in your mind. Up to now, it's been set up the way you WANT it to be set up, which is why his "behavior" doesn't make sense now. It's not following your script because it's not normal.
It's a shame, honestly, that whatever he's doing now is causing you pain because it would be SO easy for him to NOT cause you pain ... either by just throwing you a bone every once in a while or by telling you straight up what's up.
For some reason, he's not doing that. It's cruel, really.
You make good points. I must admit that.
I do believe him when he said that he is traveling for work though. There are a few reasons why too. On top of that I know the company that he works for.
It really would be so simple to just say something, anything at all, instead of ghosting. I do think that it's not very nice to do, especially after I told him once before how it made me feel. It stinks, a lot, and if he should come back around I refuse to put him right back in the space he once occupied. I'm really am moving forward and trying to redirect my focus to myself, but it's not always easy. I miss him, and I allow myself to, but I refuse to chase him.
I know you're help, and I do appreciate that. A lot. Thank you!
Truthfully speaking, either way I look at it, how he is acting right now isn't fair or nice to me. He can be more upfront with what's going on with him. Should I have opportunity to tell him that one day, I will. It doesn't have to be in a mean, accusatory way either, but he should know.
Right now I am trying to live by one of favorite mottos, which is, "hope for the best, prepare for the worst". I need to fill up my time right now with redirecting my focus and attention to myself and not on him, even though it is difficult at times. While I hope he may come back around, or should I say I would love for him to, I need to live my life in such a way that I find some comfort if he doesn't. Make sense?
He should be upfront and let you know what is going on with him.
I'm not sure about your guy, but I'll tell you what is going on with me.
I'm getting my life back right now piece by piece.
He should be upfront and let you know what is going on with him.
I'm not sure about your guy, but I'll tell you what is going on with me.
I'm getting my life back right now piece by piece.
Nothing feels quite like that.
Been a LONG LONG LONG time!
I'm glad to hear that you're getting your life back together. It's important that we do that!
Also, you're correct that he should be upfront. It's unfair to not be truthful. It may hurt my feelings, but I'd least I would know and not wonder.
Last edited by GeorgiaLover; 09-30-2015 at 09:24 AM..
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