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I've changed my view on this. You are the problem. He's opening the door for honest discussion and you won't even give him that, yet you resent him for not being able to give you what you want.
Here's a newsflash- men are not mind readers and it is not our job to guess what you want.
I feel sorry for him.
Agree wholeheartedly. Not only are you unwilling to see the situation for what it is, there is an inexplicable urge to see problems where there isn't.
You are sabotaging yourself. The guy wants to know what you want but you are not telling him!
I've changed my view on this. You are the problem. He's opening the door for honest discussion and you won't even give him that, yet you resent him for not being able to give you what you want.
Here's a newsflash- men are not mind readers and it is not our job to guess what you want.
I feel sorry for him.
What do you suggest I do? I do want an honest discussion. I just get really anxious about it. It makes me feel very vulnerable to open a discussion about me needing to hear him tell me he loves me. Should I say, "Babe, I'm happy, and you're awesome in every way. But I'm concerned that there has been no exchange of I love you's in this relationship. And those words are important to me."
What do you suggest I do? I do want an honest discussion. I just get really anxious about it. It makes me feel very vulnerable to open a discussion about me needing to hear him tell me he loves me. Should I say, "Babe, I'm happy, and you're awesome in every way. But I'm concerned that there has been no exchange of I love you's in this relationship. And those words are important to me."
This has been addressed multiple times.
When he brought it up earlier, you can tell from his words that he was looking for YOUR affirmation that his choice NOT to blurt out ILY was a good one. But you said ... nothing ...??? because you EXPECTED him to say it then.
What could you have done??? You could have kept talking about it. For some reason you cannot get out of YOUR own head long enough to recognize a moment when it's staring you in the face.
Really, you've backed yourself into a corner. Now you know that nothing magical is going to happen if he utters those three words. IN fact, I daresay the moment he does say it is going to be totally anticlimactic because instead of being happy that this man who is very good to you, in fact, LOVES you, you are going to be like, "Well, FINALLY!!!"
And that is NO way to live.
No, I do NOT think you should bring it up. It will make him feel either 1) like an idiot, 2) like a disappointment, or 3) like he cannot do anything right. None of those is good.
If you love him, say so. If you are morally opposed to saying it first, then stop trying to force him to say it.
What do you suggest I do? I do want an honest discussion. I just get really anxious about it. It makes me feel very vulnerable to open a discussion about me needing to hear him tell me he loves me. Should I say, "Babe, I'm happy, and you're awesome in every way. But I'm concerned that there has been no exchange of I love you's in this relationship. And those words are important to me."
You're getting anxious because you can't cope with a healthy mindset and progressing at a reasonable pace.
If it's so important to hear it, you can dang well say it to him and see how he responds.
What do you suggest I do? I do want an honest discussion. I just get really anxious about it. It makes me feel very vulnerable to open a discussion about me needing to hear him tell me he loves me. Should I say, "Babe, I'm happy, and you're awesome in every way. But I'm concerned that there has been no exchange of I love you's in this relationship. And those words are important to me."
Do you love him? D you trust him?
If so, you can make yourself vulnerable to him (that's part of what a healthy, caring relationship is all about).
Tell him what you have said here. Tell him this is scary for you to talk about it. Tell him how it's important to you. Tell him about your conflict regarding who says it first. Tell him all the things you like about him. Ask him his views on saying it and what it would mean.
Do you love him? D you trust him?
If so, you can make yourself vulnerable to him (that's part of what a healthy, caring relationship is all about).
Tell him what you have said here. Tell him this is scary for you to talk about it. Tell him how it's important to you. Tell him about your conflict regarding who says it first. Tell him all the things you like about him. Ask him his views on saying it and what it would mean.
How romantic. Ugh. I cannot imagine needing to have a conversation about saying "I love you." Either say it or don't. It really is that simple. I have said it first before, and it was very freeing even when I knew he wasn't going to say it back. There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings honestly without having a big "Come to Jesus" meeting about it.
OP, the only thing stopping you from saying "I love you" is fear.
How romantic. Ugh. I cannot imagine needing to have a conversation about saying "I love you." Either say it or don't. It really is that simple. I have said it first before, and it was very freeing even when I knew he wasn't going to say it back. There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings honestly without having a big "Come to Jesus" meeting about it.
OP, the only thing stopping you from saying "I love you" is fear.
Yeah, who would expect someone to be able to talk to her partner about something that is important to her, something she has issues around, and something that makes her feel vulnerable?
Yeah, who would expect someone to be able to talk to her partner about something that is important to her, something she has issues around, and something that makes her feel vulnerable?
You're missing my point.
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