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Old 10-02-2015, 07:34 AM
 
Location: New York City
1,253 posts, read 1,556,207 times
Reputation: 1053

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I'm 25 male, wife is 21.

We have been married for four years but the relationship hasn't been the best. I'm not perfect and have dome wrong, but I've always been faithful. My wife has cheated on me five times now that I know of, and the most recent is one that she fell in love with. I feel broken, she was my first everything and I was her first. I'm mind boggled and hurt. I had suspicions for while now so this morning I went thru her texts and found some very, very messed things. I can't get those pictures out of my mind.
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:36 AM
 
Location: New York City
1,253 posts, read 1,556,207 times
Reputation: 1053
We had a lot of good times together and we have twin girls.. I don't even want to live anymore.
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:37 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,706,569 times
Reputation: 98359
Do you have family nearby?
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:39 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,903,521 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonsence View Post
We had a lot of good times together and we have twin girls.. I don't even want to live anymore.
Wow! I'm sorry man.

Go talk to someone about this. Anyone... Just hang in there!

You have two daughters to focus on right now. Talk to a lawyer to see what your options are.
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma USA
1,194 posts, read 1,095,266 times
Reputation: 4419
1) ASAP! Retain a divorce attorney in your local jurisdiction

2) Open private safe deposit box

3) Open private post office box

4) Secure all of your personal papers in safe deposit box

5) Follow attorney's advice.

No wailing and gnashing of teeth. No dramatic confrontations. Put your affairs in order. Do NOT let on that you have knowledge of her latest indiscretions until you have thoroughly discussed matters with your attorney.
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:41 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,903,521 times
Reputation: 15255
I don't believe anyone should get married at the age of 17 let alone have twins by age 21.
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma USA
1,194 posts, read 1,095,266 times
Reputation: 4419
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonsence View Post
We had a lot of good times together and we have twin girls.. I don't even want to live anymore.
Contact your physician for a referral for psychiatric evaluation OR contact your local suicide prevention hotline ASAP this morning
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:47 AM
 
Location: In the outlet by the lightswitch
2,306 posts, read 1,694,746 times
Reputation: 4260
Sounds like you married very young (she was 17 when you married). At that age (and even young 20s) people can bounce around from relationship to relationship (and they usually don't marry). You may be experiencing this.

If you married for the wrong reasons, it might be time to think of a split. If you married for good reasons, you should fight to salvage what you can (although, I am sad to say, you can't fight for your marriage alone, she has to fight for it to. One person can't keep a marriage together).

I would suggest couples counseling as your first step. If she won't go, you need to go alone. I would also look into lawyers (just to be prepared).

Also, if it does come to divorce, make sure you fight for your girls. Too many men don't. Try to get joint custody and co-parenting. Under Maryland law, neither the mother of father is favored, but boils down to your role in the children's lives. A lot of men assume they don't get custody and just do whatever their wife says... when, in reality, joint custody is more the norm these days. Do some research and find out exactly what the laws are where you live. Don't assume and be prepared before it comes to divorce (if it does).

I am sorry this is happening to you. I hope things work out for the best.
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:47 AM
 
Location: NNJ
15,049 posts, read 10,026,725 times
Reputation: 17202
So sorry...

I agree with Wmsn4Life. Seek support from family and friends that brings you comfort. Seek help for the feelings you are experiencing... they can be dangerous.

Infidelity is symptom of a marriage that is failing to meet the needs of one or both spouses. In order to heal, both have to be willing to acknowledge, start communicate, and work as a couple to determine root cause. It starts with her coming clean and admitting her infidelity and you accepting it. This is very difficult... very very difficult (I am going through it myself). Often the next step is therapy.

Do you have a feeling that she has also given up on the marriage? Unless she's willing to work with you in repairing the marriage, I'm afraid its just not going to work. You should seek support and move to end the marriage as a peacefully as possible (also considering children involved). What was done is done... and attempts to use the divorce as retribution rarely works for either party.
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma USA
1,194 posts, read 1,095,266 times
Reputation: 4419
OP do you have an older male family member or friend, or clergyperson -- a person you trust and respect -- you could call and ask to spend the day with you, or stay in close contact with you?

Reach out!

You're far from the first or the only person in this situation. You're young. Many, many have been through this, or through similar or worse.

You need to call in some reinforcements. Start calling!

Dad, Uncle, Brother, Doctor, Pastor! Old high school coach even!

Reach out, call for some back up.
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