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I know you are absolutely right. Confession is between me and God. My husband is lovely and is stressed about a possible job transition, I love him too much to add to that stress by a self serving revelation.
A word of caution from someone who has been on the other side of the equation: if he ever does confront you directly, think long and hard before you deny it. I knew about the Mr's emotional affair long before he told me, but he had no idea that I knew. I forgave him was because he came to me on his own volition and told me; had he said nothing unless I confronted him, forgiveness would have been very difficult. Had he denied it, forgiveness would likely have been impossible for me.
I'm not saying you should just go ahead and confess... just saying he might not be as clueless as you think, and for some people, the secrecy is worse than the affair itself.
Regarding the bolded parts in pink...
So you love your husband, and you do not want to divorce him.
But you also love the other man, who has made it very clear that he does not love you.
Did you ever discuss with your husband, whom you love and do not want to divorce, regarding the fact that you felt lonely and sexually neglected?
You have a lot to think about.
You are also a mom.
Did you ever think about your children when you chose to have an emotional affair with the other man?
Your children should be higher on your list of priorities than the other man was.
I was going to type almost exactly what you typed word by word but I don't get a feeling that the OP has a lot of common sense, much less emotional stability. I think therapy is the only thing that would help her
No, I don't want sympathy or pity. I just need to know how to move on. So far I've gotten a lot of great input. Pity or sympathy isn't helpful, honest advice is. I welcome that.
Actually you appear to want nothing close to honest advice with the excuses you have come up with so far as to why "I just can't let this man go", "I'm so in love"...blah, blah, blah...
When you can quit being cheater in addition to telling the truth life will be much simpler.
Regarding the bolded parts in pink...
So you love your husband, and you do not want to divorce him.
But you also love the other man, who has made it very clear that he does not love you.
Did you ever discuss with your husband, whom you love and do not want to divorce, regarding the fact that you felt lonely and sexually neglected?
You have a lot to think about.
You are also a mom.
Did you ever think about your children when you chose to have an emotional affair with the other man?
Your children should be higher on your list of priorities than the other man was.
I addressed that earlier up thread. I've spoken numerous times with my husband about the sexual disparity. He's trying very hard to accomdate me more. He is great in bed, just not as adventurous or experimental, but he's letting me try more things with him. And I've thought about, loved, and taken care of my kids just as much as ever. When my parents divorced I fared just fine, I'd never deny them their father unlike my father who abandoned me and my brother for a long time after he divorced my mom. I thought a lot about I'd it came to that in my marriage and I would do the absolute best I could for my children. Divorce can happen for many reasons, not just infidelity.
A word of caution from someone who has been on the other side of the equation: if he ever does confront you directly, think long and hard before you deny it. I knew about the Mr's emotional affair long before he told me, but he had no idea that I knew. I forgave him was because he came to me on his own volition and told me; had he said nothing unless I confronted him, forgiveness would have been very difficult. Had he denied it, forgiveness would likely have been impossible for me.
I'm not saying you should just go ahead and confess... just saying he might not be as clueless as you think, and for some people, the secrecy is worse than the affair itself.
I'd tell him if he asked, but I'm not going to dump it on him. How can I tell him I am also in love with another man but still am in live with him?? Most people would never understand that.
I could see myself with the other guy though if both of us weren't already taken. No matter how hurt I am about this, he truly is a lot of what I would want in a man.
OP:
So you do not want to leave your wonderful husband, yet the other man, who is married, has the qualities you look for in a man.
So exactly what do you want OP?
What was it that attracted you to your husband in the first place?
I was going to type almost exactly what you typed word by word but I don't get a feeling that the OP has a lot of common sense, much less emotional stability. I think therapy is the only thing that would help her
I lack common sense in spades, I have reoccurring depression, a history of one attempted suicide, one episode of PPD, and have been in therapy on and off since I was 16.
I feel things deeply and intensely and I know this about myself. I don't hide that about myself so your conclusion isn't groundbreaking or particularly insightful since I have no issue with disclosure of my past mental health struggles.
Being self reflective and aware of how I handle things is a curse. I know why I do things, but not how to stop doing them.
Eve has a bit of a point. While you may love him, the reality of day-to-day life with him, or sex with him, might be far, far different than what you might imagine. He could also have the makings of a lousy partner, not just in bed, but in life. Maybe he's a slob at home, or even what Holden Caulfield referred to as a "secret slob" in The Catcher in the Rye, with his roommate looking nice but having the nastiest, grossest razor. His feet could stink. Maybe he farts up a storm at home, or sits around with one hand in his drawers and the other halfway up his nose. Maybe he's terrible with money, or would make a lousy father, or has some other thing going on behind the scenes, like Jay Gatsby. "They say he killed a man once..."
I'd tell him if he asked, but I'm not going to dump it on him. How can I tell him I am also in love with another man but still am in live with him?? Most people would never understand that.
OP:
Don't your children and your husband deserve a wife and a mom who only loves their father and not two married men... their father and the other man whom their mom had an emotional affair with?
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