Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-05-2015, 01:31 PM
 
388 posts, read 380,554 times
Reputation: 289

Advertisements

Not necessarily cheating but maybe she has second thoughts about marrying you OP. No one knows, why don't you communicate with her. Tell her you feel she's been acting differently lately but you still want to make her happy. Tell her that her happiness is important to you, even if it means breaking up. Maybe she'll tell you the truth
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-05-2015, 02:00 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,615,817 times
Reputation: 54728
If you plan to be married, you HAVE to be able to talk about your concerns with your partner. Get some tips from an infidelity forum (pay special attention to information about suspecting an affair).

Yes, you can survive. In life, we ALL face serious losses of one kind or another, at one time or another, and somehow the vast majority of us grieve, heal and go on. Breaking an engagement is bad, but not top of the scale of the grief experience.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2015, 04:53 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,645 times
Reputation: 10
Default the aftermath

Things are not as the was when we 1st met,I've searched,internet,cell phones,e-mail and every time I come across something that looks suspicious, she gets nervous 1st and then gets angry ,ask me to leave,ask my why am I here.She is under the impression that I'm only here to find dirt of unfaithfulness expose her then leave.I was also told I have p.t.s.d when I brought the her family to the situation. If everything is hidden and any of her actions is because of her job I leave it in gods hands because I have had way to much time to think about what could happen to the people she could be hiding and if they was already introduced to me and they continue to say nothing because she told them to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2015, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,356 posts, read 34,485,139 times
Reputation: 73389
I think counseling is in order, or a breakup. Nothing in between.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2015, 06:38 PM
 
1,614 posts, read 1,237,744 times
Reputation: 605
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnaWilde View Post
Not necessarily cheating but maybe she has second thoughts about marrying you OP. No one knows, why don't you communicate with her. Tell her you feel she's been acting differently lately but you still want to make her happy. Tell her that her happiness is important to you, even if it means breaking up. Maybe she'll tell you the truth
This is sound advice. If you can't talk to her about your feelings, then that right there is a problem. In fact, communication breakdown is a big problem in most troubled relationships.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2015, 10:42 PM
 
565 posts, read 430,921 times
Reputation: 685
Listen to your gut. If its telling you something isnt right, it likely isnt. If youre not married and dont have any kids, leave her and get back on your feet elsewhere. Thats what i would do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2015, 11:42 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
13,520 posts, read 22,025,086 times
Reputation: 20234
Quote:
Originally Posted by mr collins View Post
Things are not as the was when we 1st met,I've searched,internet,cell phones,e-mail and every time I come across something that looks suspicious, she gets nervous 1st and then gets angry ,ask me to leave,ask my why am I here.She is under the impression that I'm only here to find dirt of unfaithfulness expose her then leave.I was also told I have p.t.s.d when I brought the her family to the situation. If everything is hidden and any of her actions is because of her job I leave it in gods hands because I have had way to much time to think about what could happen to the people she could be hiding and if they was already introduced to me and they continue to say nothing because she told them to.

It sounds like you have problems with expressing coherent thoughts but, along with couples counseling, you should also see a therapist or counselor yourself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-21-2015, 04:30 AM
 
Location: TheNorthEast
277 posts, read 270,131 times
Reputation: 295
If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. You think you blew 10 years; is it worth blowing more?


QUOTE=mr collins;41422592]I'm new to the area and I moved from Virginia, with my fiance and our family with high hopes,but its been nightmare.She has been down here for 6months prior and I felt like she has changed and has been cheating have not proved anything,its exhausting because I would have never thought I would be in this predicament and we planned on getting married by next year but,something doesnt feel right and I feel like everything that i thought was pure now feels tainted and its starting to feel like its not even worth it.10 years blown,i need advice please feel free,im open for any advice....[/quote]
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-21-2015, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
3,688 posts, read 5,000,272 times
Reputation: 7588
Quote:
Originally Posted by beweirdess View Post
If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. You think you blew 10 years; is it worth blowing more?

This. Right here.

1. It sucks if things have changed; but if you're going through her phone and computer and she's uncomfortable, it may be because she's cheated... or it may be that YOUR behavior has changed and you've become bothersome and tedious in a way you never meant to.

When this is the case, the bothersome, tedious person can't see how their own actions are affecting the object of their affections, while the other person can't see how their actions or words are just making things even worse for the first party. It's a downward spiral and you need to get off it. 10 years is an investment, but sometimes we lose our investments -- period. I'm sorry, but it remains true.

2. If you think you can't survive this, odds are GOOD you're not only the one behaving desperately and being a bother, but you're in dire need of some introspection, some therapy (no BS, look into that one, it is NOT shameful) and a clean break from this person. What once was good has, WHATEVER THE REASON, become poisonous to you.

3. You're supposed to be a grown man. She's a woman, not a goddess, not oxygen, not the only thing in your life. You WILL survive, and even look back on this as a valuable learning experience once you make it past the anger, the confusion and all the problems you've got whirling in your mind.

It won't be tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. But in a couple of years, IF you get your head straight, you will look back and say "Some of it was beautiful, but it turned ugly. I hope she's happy, but good riddance and begone from my life!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-21-2015, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Baldwin
372 posts, read 453,940 times
Reputation: 1171
10 years and you still aren't married and don't know your fiance well enough to discuss things openly? It should not take 10 years for this. You need to seriously consider moving on, getting professional help and get your self in an emotionally strong position. You both deserve it. If she loves you she will trudge through it with you. If not, you deserve someone who will.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top