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Life isn't a dating whirlwind for most people. Mostly it's pretty mundane; going to work, coming home from work, going to the gym or whatever, and occasional movie or restaurant with friends, or other hanging out with friends, going to an event alone, maybe to see who shows up, or an occasional party or networking event, then back to work. That's how most people live. It doesn't make for great entertainment, which is why the media portray something completely different, and people like you fall for that.
Exactly. This idea that all women are constantly getting hit on every day just isn't true. Some posters have said that when they lived in the city and worked in customer service and took public transportation, they did get hit on a lot. But if a woman drives alone in her car to work and sits alone in her office, she's not going to come across nearly as many people. If there aren't single guys in her book club or her yoga class or if she doesn't go to bars that often, that reduces things even further. Guys may see these women and think whatever they think about them, but that doesn't translate into an actual date all that often.
You have an inaccurate sense of how it works. Women pick and choose between options? What options? Show the dateless women options. That's a cliche view of life, where men approach, and women sit back and field offers. It presumes, also, that men approach all, or most, women, which isn't reality. It also overlooks everything women do to try to create options for themselves, aside from outright asking men for dates. Women have a variety of strategies, but those don't guarantee success any more than men's approaches guarantee them success.
Life isn't a dating whirlwind for most people. Mostly it's pretty mundane; going to work, coming home from work, going to the gym or whatever, and occasional movie or restaurant with friends, or other hanging out with friends, going to an event alone, maybe to see who shows up, or an occasional party or networking event, then back to work. That's how most people live. It doesn't make for great entertainment, which is why the media portray something completely different, and people like you fall for that.
If a woman is decent looking & she's dateless than there has to be something going on for her to be dateless. Whether it's that she chooses to remain single, has high standards, personal issues etc. I could see how average/unattractive women could not get many dates, since a lot of guys want the attractive women over the others, but the average woman still has it a bit easier than the average man.
Well, that's a bit of an odd example since you only state one guy is single at the party. What about the other single guys there? Not every guy is going to approach the same woman.
But even if there were 15 single guys at the hypothetical party, it doesn't mean that everyone would pair up evenly. Some guys wouldn't approach anyone. Some guys would approach the same women. At this hypothetical event, there would be several women who didn't get a date or a number or even a conversation out of it, and here you are saying that they've got it sooo easy.
Half these people here are either divorced, can't keep a relationship to save their lives, or just mean and bitter. Some give good advice but others just insult you and say they're helping you. Sums up this forum.
Typical CD I know. They can't fathom why some people can't have relationships and yet they are all relationships experts.
But even if there were 15 single guys at the hypothetical party, it doesn't mean that everyone would pair up evenly. Some guys wouldn't approach anyone. Some guys would approach the same women. At this hypothetical event, there would be several women who didn't get a date or a number or even a conversation out of it, and here you are saying that they've got it sooo easy.
That's just one day though, they'd get approached at other times if they didn't at one particular place. Of course I know women won't be approached every place their at.
No, the relationship forum is littered with good discussion from a generation of younger men that yearn for the past, but are trying to accept the present. We are looking for ways to either deal within a system that does not benefit us or find a way around that system.
LOL @ yearning for a time that they have no idea about and was nothing like the idealized time they thought it was.
I'm pretty sure he didn't use the term "all". You guys are talking about two very distinct, separate groups of men.
Fair enough. He didn't use the term "all," and I shouldn't have, either. Perhaps he isn't one of the guys who contradicts himself. But I think he IS one of the many young guys who touts the tiresome notion that (attractive) women are able to "choose" from a wide selection of quality, suitable men.
If a woman is decent looking & she's dateless than there has to be something going on for her to be dateless. ....
While I am sympathetic to Jersey's frustrations (because they do have intersection with mine), and generally I agree that dating is tactically "easier" for women than for men (because the onus is on men to initiate contact) the above-quoted assertion strikes me as being simplistic and unsubstantiated. The same charge of "something must be wrong with you" could be leveled against dateless attractive, financially-successful men.
Sometimes "what is wrong" is simply the lack of opportunity. My life at work can brook no romantic involvement; it is too dangerous. Social life outside of work revolves mainly around the same 20-30 people who are regulars at my meetup.com groups, and the half-dozen or so of dear friends whom I visit on my various travels. Within these circles we are cordial and maybe even effusively warm, but there are no dating-prospects. One time, the son of an older couple with whom I am friendly introduced me to the proverbial friend of a friend. An intense and torrid "relationship" ensued – for a while – but ended, as was inevitable, because of 5000+ miles of distance between us.
If one's circle of friends can't help, one's social-outlets have been exhausted, and one's workplace by definition offers no options, then the paucity of choices becomes most oppressive and onerous, regardless of how physically appealing one might be, male or female. I don't doubt that truly beautiful women are the subject of incessant and intrusive attention, but even they can only receive such attention when out and about, when presenting themselves in public venues and the like. Helen of Troy would have launched no ships, were she to have stayed ensconced in Menelaus' castle.
Quite honestly, I see no resolution to my own dating problems, were I to have been a woman, "all else being equal". Dating might be tactically easier, because I would not have to initiate. But it would be only incrementally easier. In bars or clubs or whatnot, I see not only arrant lack of single women by themselves, but also single men. I see not only lack of opportunity to approach (as a man), but also to be approached (as a woman). I see a landscape where essentially everyone has already found their other-half, whether "attractive" or otherwise, and those who exit relationships evidently quickly form new ones, as if a backup were already available.
To me this whole dating-thing feels like a barren village in Somalia, where the UN food truck comes to deliver bags of rice. The villagers swarm to the truck, shoving and jostling, hungrily grasping for the rice-bags. Screams, outpourings, competition. Eventually the truck is picked clean. Some villagers carry a handful of rice to their older or less physically-mobile relatives. Some hoard the rice. Some feed their families. But I'm left standing by, close enough to witness everything, yet too far to grab a rice-bag myself, even though in principle I can outrun and out-shove nearly all of the villagers.
While I am sympathetic to Jersey's frustrations (because they do have intersection with mine), and generally I agree that dating is tactically "easier" for women than for men (because the onus is on men to initiate contact) the above-quoted assertion strikes me as being simplistic and unsubstantiated. The same charge of "something must be wrong with you" could be leveled against dateless attractive, financially-successful men.
Sometimes "what is wrong" is simply the lack of opportunity. My life at work can brook no romantic involvement; it is too dangerous. Social life outside of work revolves mainly around the same 20-30 people who are regulars at my meetup.com groups, and the half-dozen or so of dear friends whom I visit on my various travels. Within these circles we are cordial and maybe even effusively warm, but there are no dating-prospects. One time, the son of a couple with whom I am friendly introduced me to the proverbial friend of a friend. An intense and torrid "relationship" ensued – for a while – but ended, as was inevitable, because of 5000+ miles of distance between us.
If one's circle of friends can't help, one's social-outlets have been exhausted, and one's workplace by definition offers no options, then the paucity of choices becomes most oppressive and onerous, regardless of how physically appealing one might be, male or female. I don't doubt that truly beautiful women are the subject of incessant and intrusive attention, but even they can only receive such attention when out and about, when presenting themselves in public venues and the like. Helen of Troy would have launched no ships, were she to have stayed ensconced in Menelaus' castle.
Quite honestly, I see no resolution to my own dating problems, were I to have been a woman, "all else being equal". Dating might be tactically easier, because I would not have to initiate. But it would be only incrementally easier. In bars or clubs or whatnot, I see not only arrant lack of single women by themselves, but also single men. I see not only lack of opportunity to approach (as a man), but also to be approached (as a woman). I see a landscape where essentially everyone has already found their other-half, whether "attractive" or otherwise, and those who exit relationships evidently quickly form new ones, as if a backup were already available.
To me this whole dating-thing feels like a barren village in Somalia, where the UN food truck comes to deliver bags of rice. The villagers swarm to the truck, shoving and jostling, hungrily grasping for the rice-bags. Screams, outpourings, competition. Eventually the truck is picked clean. Some villagers carry a handful of rice to their older or less physically-mobile relatives. Some hoard the rice. Some feed their families. But I'm left standing by, close enough to witness everything, yet too far to grab a rice-bag myself, even though in principle I can outrun and out-shove nearly all of the villagers.
Usually that's because some women & men have back burners. They know if their relationship isn't going well, they have others waiting on them.
Well, those smart and women get cheated on, abused, and beaten to death. Guess what, those roughhousing men are stupid and don't deserve an ounce of respect from me.
What are you talking about? Just because a man didn't go to college and chooses to work with his hands does not mean he is stupid or abuses women. Have you ever been out of the city? Many self-made men work with their hands; they farm, build, and fix things. They are fine upstanding men who choose to make their living in a different way than you, but that does not make them less than you.
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