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So, this is my first post here because I am looking for some honest feedback, although I think the answer is right in my face but I'd like you to tell it like it is for me! I have a work friend that I have known for over 10 years that recently turned into a "friends with benefits" situation. I hoped that I wouldn't let my feelings get involved...but they have. He actually tells me that he loves me, is in love with me, misses me, etc....and I reciprocate that. But...we only see each other like once a week for sex basically and that's it. I realize he doesn't owe me anything and we have no verbal commitment to each other, however he just told me today that he is going on a trip to the Virgin Islands for his birthday--leaves this weekend for a week! I'm very happy for him to be able to do this for himself--he has worked so hard and this is actually his first real vacation, first time on a plane, etc...which he deserves. However, when he told me he was going my heart just sank. He says he is going alone and he is very excited about that, and he would send me pics of himself alone, etc. But come on.....he's not going alone. Who goes to the Virgin Islands alone? I told him I was happy for him and that he deserved a wonderful trip, but inside it hurts and I am sad that I am not going with him. I think he likely is going with or meeting another girl there. I'm right aren't I? Thanks for your input....feel free to be brutally honest. I care about him--wishing I didn't right about now, but I think I need to just let him go do his thing. Love stinks.
recently turned into a "friends with benefits" situation. I hoped that I wouldn't let my feelings get involved...but they have.
Well right now you don't have a relationship at all. You meet for sex, and that's it. You didn't seem to imply any other time outside the bedroom was being spent together.
It's time to put up or shut up and sit down with him and discuss where this is going and if there is a future. If he doesn't want a relationship, you need to cut him off, and move on.
thanks Boston Mike....you are so right....I guess I didn't want to lose the whole friend thing by having that talk, but if I have more feelings than he does, I suppose I should let him know. Thank you very much.
-You have moved beyond FWB and he doesn't know it yet. You need to bring him up to speed because this is no longer FWB. I don't feel even a twinge when my FWB is AWOL. In fact, because I consider him a friend I am actually hoping that he has met someone - inconvenient for me, but would do him a world of good.
-People do travel alone. I enjoy it immensely.
-Don't do FWB with someone who's actually been a longtime friend or a colleague whom you see frequently. That's a bad recipe. I met mine online and we went on a couple dates. We liked each other but have different ideas of what a relationship should be. So now we get together from time to time, have sex and then go out to dinner, have some good conversation and then go our separate ways. I sometimes ask him for home repair advice. And that's about the extent of it. We have not entangled our social or professional circles in what we have. It's no strings, and I only consider it FWB because we do get along very well and have fun talking to each other.
I have gone on vacation many times alone. I actually enjoy my own company because I don't nag me. lol! If you are in a situation where you are constantly around superficial people, going on vacation by yourself makes it an actual vacation. I am not in that situation now, but I have been in the past.
Sure doesn't sound like true love. Why waste your time with a guy like this, you deserve better and you know it!
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thank you
