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I messaged one guy first and we were going to meet up, but he directed me to his fetlife profile and one of his fetishes was tying women up and shaving off their hair. I mean the hair on your head, not any hair a woman would necessarily want removed.
I was like nope...nope, nope, nope...
I also mention that one band I really like in my profile, seeing as how I travel to their events sometimes and it's a fairly significant part of my life. One guy messaged me just to let me know that he thinks they suck and likes this other band a lot better. I was like...um...good for you? I guess?
I messaged one guy first and we were going to meet up, but he directed me to his fetlife profile and one of his fetishes was tying women up and shaving off their hair. I mean the hair on your head, not any hair a woman would necessarily want removed.
Thanks for the awesome time, Dudley! See you again in eight months!
Almost every man I met who claimed to be 6' was at least an inch shorter.
I met one who's profile stated he was 5'6" - which is a height I am fine with as that meets my minimum standard of being taller than me (5'4"). I was wearing flats; he was at most 5'3". For me, I think 5'8" - 5'9" is perfect and tend to eliminate those who are taller as being too tall.
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Originally Posted by wanderlust76
EHarmony right now and it's been a complete waste of money so it's not just OKCupid and Match that suck for men. I attempt to communicate with the people I am matched up with constantly. After my 3 month paid subscriptions are up I think I'm done with all the paid sites.
eHarmony is how I learned about fake profiles. Site is full of them. I think it used to be a good site about 5-10 years ago; I would maybe try it again only if someone else paid for it. Maybe. I'd rather they donate their money to a more worthwhile cause, however.
Match advertises inactive profiles as active to try to lure people back in once their subscription expires (personal experience). They also own OKC, Tinder, and are buying POF. I wouldn't be surprised if OKC has it's full share of fake profiles.
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Originally Posted by The Illusive Man
It's all about finding a perfect balance with your template message. I have one that's more effective than not. The key is to say more than "hi","hello", and "what's up" while focusing on the something that just about everyone woman likes, such as smiling. Make sure the message is a sentence or two long, short and sweet. Stay away from writing and novel and such.
And not sending a message that starts with "Hi! Thank you for reading my Craigslist ad" on OKC. Yes, I have received that in the past. Proofreading is your friend.
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Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
It's not a self esteem boost to get messages from people who don't interest you. The reasons I didn't reply to messages were:
1. I don't find him attractive.
2. He lives too far away.
3. Something in his profile was a turnoff.
If none of the above, there's no reason why I wouldn't respond.
1. He couldn't construct a proper sentence.
2. His message was generic and/or his profile had the hallmarks of being fake.
3. He answered "no" to "are you happy with your life."
Others who had a "deal breaker," I would sometimes respond to but would point out we might not be a match. "Hi Joe, thanks for the message! blah, blah, blah. I see that you believe homosexuality is a sin. I don't think we would be a good match as I became an ordained minister specifically to officiate the wedding ceremony of two of my gay friends."
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Originally Posted by Zennia
I blocked profiles that sent form letters, profiles that hadn't written to me that I found repugnant (ie., shirtless guys with names like MrTonguely), and profiles that hadn't written to me that simply put me off ("I want to be equally yoked with a God-fearing woman.").
For me, that was men who only had torso/towel pics with screen names like blueballzzz69 and their entire "about me" was "married and looking"
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Originally Posted by Zennia
Ultimately, though, I wasn't too impressed with the people on there. It wasn't any great "OMG, these guys are all [negative quality]." It was more like, "They all sound the same. No one here stands out in any way."
Same here. Every so often, one would catch my attention but wouldn't respond when I messaged them. Try eHarmony without paying for it - you can't see their pictures and you pretty much are reading the same profile over and over and over. Probably because the employee creating them doesn't have enough of an imagination to differentiate them. I'm pretty sure there aren't that many men named "Carlos" in this area who have the same specific medical field career! (They really need to fix their algorithm so they aren't sending multiple versions of the same fake profile to you on the same day).
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Originally Posted by blindstealer
Has there actually been a man here who has gotten a message from a woman and then gone on a date with them?
The only date I've gone on from OKC, I messaged him first. One of my friends has been with her bf from OKC for over a year now. She was on OLD sites off and on for 8 years. My best friend is dating someone he met from OKC earlier this summer. He was on and off the various sites for at least 5 years. So it does work for some people, if you give it enough time. Not sure who messaged who first in either case, though.
Has there actually been a man here who has gotten a message from a woman and then gone on a date with them? And confirmed that they were actually a woman and not a transvestite/transgender?
My partner (man) went on a date with me (cis woman) after I messaged him first.
That's what I'm saying though. I do email women going by what's in their profile. Example : I hate motorcycles..so if they say they love riding them I don't bother emailing them. I am very selective who I email and I still never get a response. So it just makes a guy like me not want to put in the effort.
See the paradox? So what's left is all the guys that just carpet bomb email anyone and don't put any effort into it. Because the guys like me, that are selective in who we email, are fed up with it. This is why it's a broken system, well just one reason...and it will always be a broken system until some new site comes out that addresses these problems. Online dating needs to evolve.
I can only speak for myself, but if I received a sincere message and then I saw something in his profile that led me to believe we wouldn't be a match, I would send a polite "no thanks."
The problem there is that often enough, I would receive a rude message back. Most guys just said something like, "thanks for letting me know, good luck in your search," but enough either wrote back trying to convince me of how wrong I was (yeah, hi, I know my own mind), or said something nasty. It happened often enough that a small part of me hesitated even to send the polite rejection. It's one more reason I didn't bother responding to the "hi, how r u" types. They tended to be the worst with sending nasty messages upon being rejected, and if you had the chat option open, forget it.
So some of your brethren aren't helping you there, either.
Has there actually been a man here who has gotten a message from a woman and then gone on a date with them? And confirmed that they were actually a woman and not a transvestite/transgender?
My ex-husband met his second wife that way. As they have two kids, I'm pretty sure she was born with all the parts necessary to consider her female.
The problem there is that often enough, I would receive a rude message back. Most guys just said something like, "thanks for letting me know, good luck in your search," but enough either wrote back trying to convince me of how wrong I was (yeah, hi, I know my own mind), or said something nasty.
Yep. Most of those I sent a polite "no, thanks" to I never heard from again. One said he was fine with the things I pointed out from his profile that wouldn't make us a match, but he also boasted in his profile he'd blocked over 3,000 women in the 10 years on the site. One told me it sucked I was prejudice because I don't want to date an unemployed 28 year old, and another congratulated me on "winning the race to Rejection that is online dating." Two days later, he sent me another message as though we were BFFs.
Kim Kardashian's best friend/entourage member is also on okc, in calabasas, and I feel sorry for her because keeping up with that famous lifestyle gives her no time to find a man, and most men probably wouldn't want to be associated with that lifestyle for the long haul.
Link to her page?
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Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Aren't you in Denver? I'm surprised there aren't more into the kink scene? Fetlife was how I discovered OKC, and there was a significant overlap between the two. I had people message me on both giving me winks and telling me they "saw" my profile somewhere else. Actually, a good chunk of the men I met and dated were on there, but I also lived in one of the most kink-friendly cities with a significant BDSM community. Lots of munches and meetups.
And I get you on a lot of men assuming that because I mentioned kink-related details in some of the answers to the questions that it meant I was game for whatever, and that because I look "alt" then that surely must be the case. lol
I did get a few young 20-somethings asking me to Domme them. Silly boys.
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Yes, I found it entertaining...to a point.
And I came out of it with stories to tell...but eventually got tired of the whole thing.
I kept my profile up perhaps a little longer than I needed to, because I was hoping to recruit new people to come to the very cool BDSM club where I go, they can always use new memberships. More money means more fun events and that the place can thrive and stay open, which is important to me. Figured I'd be "out" on my profile about being into the scene, and then if someone messaged me and seemed interested in that, I'd direct them to the appropriate website and calendar and see about nudging them into the community.
Unfortunately most of these guys are actually NOT interested in BDSM, or particularly the community, they wind up admitting "I'm not really down for all that, I just wanted to hook up with you." Many of them assumed that me saying I was into that sort of thing meant well, if I'm a freak, I'll get it on with anyone anytime. They are incorrect.
So, OLD is a poor recruiting tool for my kink scene, despite the very significant overlap in OKC and Fetlife profiles. *shrug* I got tired of babyfaced little boys bugging me for sex, and shut it down.
But not before I asked a few of them to compose haikus about bizarre sex acts, just for my own entertainment.
Reading all these things makes me glad that I'm off the market, whether it's short term or long term. I can see now just how much of my mental resources went to dating. I feel like I can finally relax and enjoy life for what it is. I'm not saying that I was desperate for a relationship, but being single as long as I had been, definitely became a drag. Pretty much mostly single for the better part of 6 years, and most of my friends had already moved on to marriage and kids. If I had to be single again I could figure it out just as easily, but the constant going out on new dates got very old. The process of dating became very old!
The stories of two kinky people's experiences with online dating, and a bit of a vague and general outline sketch of our respective local kink/BDSM communities.
Questions? Comments? You might want to PM. Hard to discuss such stuff in any detail in a PG-13 forum after all. Have a nice day!
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