Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Male 21. Long story short, I grew up as an only with a single mother. My father came back into my life when I was 13. In my life, I have been homeless before. I have moved often, a lot has happened. I don't feel like I can really connect with anyone. People my age just want to have fun. I feel like those days are long over for me. I can't even keep a conversation with normal people. I have a very easy time talking to people a decade older than me. My only friends who are my age are homeless drug addict kids who have been where I have been. My problem is that as I get older and more stoic it becomes harder to even continue to maintain friendships with these people. I'm changing as a person but I'm only becoming more detached and whatnot. All I really want is a girl would understand me, but I can't even break the shell of any girl. How can I connect with anyone when my life experiences are more easily understood by homeless drug addicts than college students? I wish I could just pick a girl and call her mine but if I ever had a serious conversation with a girl about who I am and what I have been through I don't think they would ever talk to me again.
Last edited by BayAreaDave; 10-25-2015 at 04:18 AM..
Many people grow up without a father. Most don't have any significant problems with socializing or relationships. What you described needs professional help. Please get some counseling.
Many people grow up without a father. Most don't have any significant problems with socializing or relationships. What you described needs professional help. Please get some counseling.
You ask what counseling can do; by itself and without your full interaction, it's useless. A professional counselor is there to hand you the tools to help you find your way in life, they don't wave a magic wand over you and send you off into La La Land.
Stop holding on to the old you because its stunting your growth. Let it go and grow as a person. It's good to have older friends. Learn from them. Don't worry about a girl understanding you. You don't even understand yourself.
I'm sorry to read this: you've had a tough row to hoe. However, you're an adult now, and you're in charge. You'll be fine.
It's common for us to believe when we're younger that everyone but us grew up in the American Dream kind of household. It's not true, as you'll learn. You'll meet more people who had challenging childhoods than those who didn't. You're not so different as you think you are, even from many college students.
Try not to be bitter. Decide what you want your future to look like and what it's going to take to get there, and get on with it. As soon as you're comfortable in your own skin and on your way to where you want to be you'll find there are women there, too, who have faced challenges of their own and who will understand you very well. You'll see!
I wish you the best of luck and unwavering determination. You can do it. Get started!
One of the most brilliant pieces of advice I've read here is a post last night by orangeapple:
Quote:
In general, people want someone they find physically attractive, but we find different things attractive. Generally, make effort to maximize your physical appeal without appearing very vain or foppish. Take care of your body, have good hygeine, wear flattering clothes/haircut. Wear what suits your personality, but also maximizes the good points about your personality and physical attributes.
In general, people like a more positive mindset, which doesn't mean being some Pollyanna or motivational speaker type. For example, you could be humorously cynical if that's you, but constantly being a downer in your overall outlook or response to most situations doesnt draw people. It is more about attitude towards life than a specific demeanor. Even some melancholy demeanors have charm when the person is perhaps romantic and not a complainer.
In general, people like someone who is not one-dimensional. Niche-interests are fine and great for setting you apart, but having more interests gives you more to relate to with others. Plus, you get to have fun expanding your horizons.
In general, people like someone who can bring something to the table. Think about what you can bring and what you lack. Try to maximize the bring and minimize the lack. That doesnt mean giving to get in a needy, obligating way that repels people. It means having an abundance, feeling and appearing "full". This is what people mean when they say others find them more attractive when they are not looking; the vibe of "I need" is gone and they are sending out "I have".
In general, people like someone who shows interest in them and who makes them feel important and special. Avoid doing this in a sycophantic way which looks like neediness and manipulation again. Be fascinated by other people.
In general, people like someone who can function as an adult in practical matters. You have a job, you pay your bills, you clean your space, etc. Basically, you have a reasonable degree of responsibility.
In general, people like someone who has emotional maturity. You manage your emotions, can apologize, show thoughtfulness and respect, etc. Only emotionally damaged or immature people will not respond to this. Do not confuse this with insecure "nice" guy mentality.
In general, people like someone who appears distinctive in some way. This is why trying to be one-size-fits-all is a mistake. You do not have to be extremely unique, but think about what does distinguish you from others in general. Why should someone pick you above someone else? Sometimes it comes down to little special details.
At 21 your entire life lies ahead of you. You can become a better person but it requires hard work and always taking those steps to improve your life.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
