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Girl, move on. You will likely have a ton of disappointments before finding someone trust worthy. You won't find him without risking heartbreak. You can't force a guy to be perfect for you. Your ex is human, he did what he did and it literally has nothing to do with you. Don't let two failed relationships define your future. Casually date for a while with no expectations and enjoy your freedom.
Thank you all for your insight. Its been really helpful, and I really appreciate it.
When he broke up with me, he implied getting back together down the road. I would never...Im just angry that he thinks he can put a person on hold like that. I actually just read up on narcissistic behavior in relationships and that persona fits him to a T. I will never date anyone who comes on so strong in the beginning like that again. I really thought he was just a genuine guy. I am clueless.
On another note, I dont think he was cheating on me. I really think he just got with this girl quickly after. I feel bad for her.
I read your first post, and I think you've illustrated your problem, your hurt, and your solution, all in the first post.
He's not committed. He's giving you the same old bull**** lines, but still wanting to string you along, so as to keep you from moving on, yourself. This is a really convenient trick for selfish people, because they get to enjoy the thrill of dating and all that comes with it, without having to feel the hurt of watching your significant other do the same.
This is where emotions really screw a person over. It's as if, in certain situations, when you need a logical, pragmatic solution, you are consumed with emotion, predisposing you to making poor judgments and rash decisions. He left you, and is attempting to move on. You should do the same.
This is where emotions really screw a person over. It's as if, in certain situations, when you need a logical, pragmatic solution, you are consumed with emotion, predisposing you to making poor judgments and rash decisions. He left you, and is attempting to move on. You should do the same.
It's uncanny how someone outside of the relationship can see the problem immediately.
Quote:
When he broke up with me, he implied getting back together down the road. I would never...Im just angry that he thinks he can put a person on hold like that. I actually just read up on narcissistic behavior in relationships and that persona fits him to a T.
On another note, I dont think he was cheating on me. I really think he just got with this girl quickly after. I feel bad for her.
He lost interest long before he got with this girl. Date without expectations and feel complete without a guy
OP, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. While my story/situation is not exactly the same as yours, I recently experienced many of the major points from your situation.
I dated my ex for about 9 months. He ended it in much the same way. Said I did nothing wrong, he just didn't feel the same about me anymore and couldn't continue to reciprocate the feelings I felt for him. Prior to that, we were inseparable. He had mentioned future plans, and even asked me one night how I would feel about living together in the future when the lease with his roommates was up. Everything was great. The abrupt "loss of feelings for me" seemed inexplicable.
I was the longest relationship my ex had. All his others were 2-3 months. So like you mentioned, I believe he just got bored. We have so much in common, got along so well. How does all that just go away? We were entering a new, more stable and comfortable stage in our relationship that he had never experienced before and I really believe he viewed that as losing his feelings for me. I wish he could have seen things from my perspective and that this new stage was a good thing. I suspect you can probably relate to what I am talking about.
A lot of posters have given advice to you about watching for warning signs, being more aware, looking for red flags. While that's good advice in general, based on how you described the situation I wouldn't doubt that there WERE NO warning signs with your ex. It seems like it was a healthy, loving relationship up until the point that it wasn't. Other than his sudden snappiness/distance, it doesn't sound like there was anything else amiss. And I agree with you that it could very well have been stress and school. In some cases, you can't possibly predict that someone will change like that. So don't beat yourself up, think it's your fault, or think that you could have avoided it. I think it was brave of you to enter into a new relationship having been burned in the past. Opening yourself up and letting someone in takes courage (I know this too well, though I was courageous for opening myself up for different reasons than you).
MY advice is to not let this experience shut you down. While the hurt is obviously very fresh for you, try to remember what it was like when times with him were good. It's the best feeling to love someone and know how much they care back. The ending of it SUCKS and is a pain I don't wish on anyone, but it just takes one person to be THE one person where those feelings don't end. And you can't find that unless you put yourself out there and open yourself up.
From one recently heartbroken gal to another, I hope you feel better soon.
OP, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. While my story/situation is not exactly the same as yours, I recently experienced many of the major points from your situation.
I dated my ex for about 9 months. He ended it in much the same way. Said I did nothing wrong, he just didn't feel the same about me anymore and couldn't continue to reciprocate the feelings I felt for him. Prior to that, we were inseparable. He had mentioned future plans, and even asked me one night how I would feel about living together in the future when the lease with his roommates was up. Everything was great. The abrupt "loss of feelings for me" seemed inexplicable.
I was the longest relationship my ex had. All his others were 2-3 months. So like you mentioned, I believe he just got bored. We have so much in common, got along so well. How does all that just go away? We were entering a new, more stable and comfortable stage in our relationship that he had never experienced before and I really believe he viewed that as losing his feelings for me. I wish he could have seen things from my perspective and that this new stage was a good thing. I suspect you can probably relate to what I am talking about.
A lot of posters have given advice to you about watching for warning signs, being more aware, looking for red flags. While that's good advice in general, based on how you described the situation I wouldn't doubt that there WERE NO warning signs with your ex. It seems like it was a healthy, loving relationship up until the point that it wasn't. Other than his sudden snappiness/distance, it doesn't sound like there was anything else amiss. And I agree with you that it could very well have been stress and school. In some cases, you can't possibly predict that someone will change like that. So don't beat yourself up, think it's your fault, or think that you could have avoided it. I think it was brave of you to enter into a new relationship having been burned in the past. Opening yourself up and letting someone in takes courage (I know this too well, though I was courageous for opening myself up for different reasons than you).
MY advice is to not let this experience shut you down. While the hurt is obviously very fresh for you, try to remember what it was like when times with him were good. It's the best feeling to love someone and know how much they care back. The ending of it SUCKS and is a pain I don't wish on anyone, but it just takes one person to be THE one person where those feelings don't end. And you can't find that unless you put yourself out there and open yourself up.
From one recently heartbroken gal to another, I hope you feel better soon.
Yours was probably my favorite response so far. And your right, I didn't want to make my post any longer, but there weren't any warning signs really. Thank you for understanding and letting me know I'm not completely at fault here. It really helped. I hope your situation gets better as well
Yours was probably my favorite response so far. And your right, I didn't want to make my post any longer, but there weren't any warning signs really. Thank you for understanding and letting me know I'm not completely at fault here. It really helped. I hope your situation gets better as well
There are always warning signs- guys like this will have a history of mostly short term relationships and will generally come on strong and move things along very quickly in the beginning.
Women who pick guys like this have just as much role in the problem. They also tend to have a history of short term and / or tumultuous relationships.
Neither partner is usually able to handle long-term, intimate, stable relationships.
There are always warning signs- guys like this will have a history of mostly short term relationships and will generally come on strong and move things along very quickly in the beginning.
Women who pick guys like this have just as much role in the problem. They also tend to have a history of short term and / or tumultuous relationships.
Neither partner is usually able to handle long-term, intimate, stable relationships.
I really dont feel like I'm the problem though, and I am one to totally own up to my part in the failure of the relationship, if I feel like I actually contributed to it. Neither of my relationships were short term, or even tumultuous. Both the men I've dated (again, Ive only dated two) came on strong and left me suddenly, despite the fact that I was invested, thoughtful, and caring. I am fully capable of having a long term relationship. I am willing to commit and be there for the person no matter what, which explains why I have never the one to initiate the breakup. I have a lot to offer, and Im willing to work towards fixing the issues.
The problem is, neither of the guys I dated wanted to work on the issues, even if I had suggested it. they just left, and I wont beg someone to stay.
There are always warning signs- guys like this will have a history of mostly short term relationships and will generally come on strong and move things along very quickly in the beginning.
Women who pick guys like this have just as much role in the problem. They also tend to have a history of short term and / or tumultuous relationships.
Neither partner is usually able to handle long-term, intimate, stable relationships.
Sometimes people just choose to ignore these warning signs. They are so caught up that they don't see what's right in front of their faces. One of my sisters has repeatedly chosen these type of men. One time I regrettably asked her what she saw in one of these guys, and I told her that I thought she was making a big mistake. She told me to butt out and mind my own business, which I did and continue to do. I was actually guilty of this myself when I was younger, however I actually learned not to make the same mistake over and over.
I really dont feel like I'm the problem though, and I am one to totally own up to my part in the failure of the relationship, if I feel like I actually contributed to it. Neither of my relationships were short term, or even tumultuous. Both the men I've dated (again, Ive only dated two) came on strong and left me suddenly, despite the fact that I was invested, thoughtful, and caring. I am fully capable of having a long term relationship. I am willing to commit and be there for the person no matter what, which explains why I have never the one to initiate the breakup. I have a lot to offer, and Im willing to work towards fixing the issues.
The problem is, neither of the guys I dated wanted to work on the issues, even if I had suggested it. they just left, and I wont beg someone to stay.
Your part of the problem is picking unavailable guys. Where is your dad?
Your part of the problem is picking unavailable guys. Where is your dad?
First of all, just because I picked the wrong men does not mean I have daddy issues.
Second, my dad is present, has always been present, takes care of me and loves me.
For the record not every girl without a dad has these kinds of issues with men. Its a stereotype. I don't consider myself a part of the problem because both guys appeared to really care about me. I consider myself duped, and perhaps have a lack of experience in relationships. That doesn't change the fact that both guys were jerks and used me. I shouldn't have fallen for it, but again, lack of experience.
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