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I've been a SAHM for 19 years. We have 4 children together. We agreed that my job was to take care of the kids. Yes, I did laundry and cleaned, but those jobs weren't specifically just mine. As the kids have gotten older they have learned to pitch in in the evenings, they help with things like dishes and sweeping and taking out the trash.
When my husband telecommuted he would cook dinner every night. I do that now.
On weekends, we all pitch in to clean.
Being a SAHM is that---a mom. I am 100% responsible for things like grocery shopping, doctor and dental appointments, chauffering kids to lessons, etc. This allows my husband to focus on his job. Housework and cooking are not always part of the equation. At the end of the day NO ONE LIKES TO DO HOUSEWORK. It is unfair to assume that the "unemployed" spouse should do all the grunt work. She's busy working, too---taking care of the kids and household stuff. It is not too much to ask to pitch in with housework.
i do help. But there were some patches where I could not. I suppose they were long patches. My spouse needed more help than I could give with the other household things, like shopping groceries. For e.g. once or twice a week, when I was heading home, she would message me to go and get a few things from the store. Of course I would do it. But it was too much with the kind of pressure I was under at work.
I think she had a problem with being organized, as we got more money, we solved the problem with home delivery. And she got a LOT better organized. I felt she could do better, despite what she thought. And I pushed her. This caused a lot of friction. But in the end, we are both better off for it.
Most people assume that because we had these issues, I am somehow, an un-empathetic husband, I am not. In most things I put her needs before mine. Clothing, eating out, any discretionary spending we had was in her hands. I never bought myself anything, because I felt that that she needed some break form her difficult life. And we had limited money at that time.
I felt there is a threshold beyond I could not work anymore.
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