Graphic messages from fiance to a MAN

[Kgryfon]

Originally Posted by April R

Give him honest ground rules with real consequences if he breaks them. I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet since you aren't married. Have a real heart to heart with him and clearly spell out what you will and won't accept and tell him he can get out of the engagement if he isn't willing to accept your terms.

I think it's already pretty obvious that this is unacceptable behavior when you get engaged. What is having this conversation going to add? Like, he didn't already know but after this conversation a light blub will go off?

And I'm not sure but are you saying she should give him another chance since, after all, they aren't married yet? On the contrary - this should be the honeymoon phase! If he's reaching out to have sex with other men while they are in their honeymoon phase, what's going to happen in 5 years when he's a little bored?

OP, let it go. This was not meant to be and you will be setting yourself up for a life time of anguish if you try to make this work. He's gay. He's a liar. He's a cheater and has no issue with betraying you. What more do you need to know?

[Jay100]

Originally Posted by lully1298

I recently found very graphic messages from my fiance to a man he used to share a house with. When I confronted him about it he told me the whole story - at the age of 32 he was unsure of his sexuality and decided to move in with this man he had met online to see if they could make a go of it. It didn't work out and in the meantime he met me (25 y/of female) and we fell madly in love. I was practically living in this house with him and this man, me thinking they were just roommates, before moving into our own place. A year later we got engaged and are due to be married next October.

But now these messages reveal that they are still in touch, talking about doing very intimate things together with my fiance saying he wished they could have tried harder to make a go of it. He says he doesn't know why he sent those messages and that nothing physical has happened between them since we have been together.

I am so incredibly confused. Never in a million years would I have thought he was bisexual but that isn't what is tearing me apart. It's the sense of betrayal, regardless of with a man or woman, and although they did not act on their messages, it certainly sounded like they wanted to.

I love this man so much, we were planning our entire lives together, having children, the works. He says he is incredibly sorry and that he loves me and still wants to do all of those things with me. I believe him but how could I begin to move on when I don't even know how to process this? I feel like I don't know who he is.

Like the saying goes, fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.

Why would you want to enter into a relationship with somebody who has been lying to you from day 1? Lied to you about his relationship with the guy...while you were living in the same house. I say drop him before he drops you, with 2 kids.

[mlj1225]

The snooping issue aside for now, he's is obviously still "feeling" his ex. He says he is sorry and wants you, but for how long? 6 months? A year? That is what you should be questioning right now. Were the messages just him reminiscing about his past or were they indicative of something more?

I certainly wouldn't marry him at this point. Too much uncertainty there.