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I recently found very graphic messages from my fiance to a man he used to share a house with. When I confronted him about it he told me the whole story - at the age of 32 he was unsure of his sexuality and decided to move in with this man he had met online to see if they could make a go of it. It didn't work out and in the meantime he met me (25 y/of female) and we fell madly in love. I was practically living in this house with him and this man, me thinking they were just roommates, before moving into our own place. A year later we got engaged and are due to be married next October.
But now these messages reveal that they are still in touch, talking about doing very intimate things together with my fiance saying he wished they could have tried harder to make a go of it. He says he doesn't know why he sent those messages and that nothing physical has happened between them since we have been together.
I am so incredibly confused. Never in a million years would I have thought he was bisexual but that isn't what is tearing me apart. It's the sense of betrayal, regardless of with a man or woman, and although they did not act on their messages, it certainly sounded like they wanted to.
I love this man so much, we were planning our entire lives together, having children, the works. He says he is incredibly sorry and that he loves me and still wants to do all of those things with me. I believe him but how could I begin to move on when I don't even know how to process this? I feel like I don't know who he is.
Oh, this will NOT get better. I would advise you to remove yourself from the situation. He has betrayed your trust. Do you want to spend your life wondering if he's still in contact with this person, if he really is where he says he is? At the very, VERY least, postpone the wedding until you're sure of what you're feeling.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Yeah... being someone's plan B - not cool. It's hard to remove yourself from the situation, but you should, until it becomes too complicated, with legal papers and all.
I am sure he has feelings for you, however as his message relates he has unresolved feelings for this other man. If it was me I would cut it off. He was dishonest with you and portrayed something that was not. The fact you were sharing this house is bonkers and I would feel incredibly betrayed. You are just asking for a lifetime of heartache.
Bottom line. He was not upfront with you. Ask yourself are you the safer choice for him because you are female? I would get some help from a trusted friend and really reconsider.
I recently found very graphic messages from my fiance to a man he used to share a house with. When I confronted him about it he told me the whole story - at the age of 32 he was unsure of his sexuality and decided to move in with this man he had met online to see if they could make a go of it. It didn't work out and in the meantime he met me (25 y/of female) and we fell madly in love. I was practically living in this house with him and this man, me thinking they were just roommates, before moving into our own place. A year later we got engaged and are due to be married next October.
But now these messages reveal that they are still in touch, talking about doing very intimate things together with my fiance saying he wished they could have tried harder to make a go of it. He says he doesn't know why he sent those messages and that nothing physical has happened between them since we have been together.
I am so incredibly confused. Never in a million years would I have thought he was bisexual but that isn't what is tearing me apart. It's the sense of betrayal, regardless of with a man or woman, and although they did not act on their messages, it certainly sounded like they wanted to.
I love this man so much, we were planning our entire lives together, having children, the works. He says he is incredibly sorry and that he loves me and still wants to do all of those things with me. I believe him but how could I begin to move on when I don't even know how to process this? I feel like I don't know who he is.
He knows exactly why he sent those messages. Because he meant them. The only thing he's sorry about is that he got caught.
Betrayal is betrayal. Gender/orientation isn't super relevant, IMO.
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