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The way I see it, except in extreme and rare circumstances, there will only ever be two possible outcomes to any relationship:
You're either gonna get married, or you're gonna break up.
If you meet someone with the intent of a relationship who doesn't really seem like they'd be a good husband/wife, then what's the point of making them a boyfriend/girlfriend when the only other eventuality (barring death or "life partner" status) is a break-up?
Approaching dating as "looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend" can easily lead to regret about "time wasted" with someone you probably never would have married anyway...But approaching dating as "seeking a husband/wife" in a highly-selective manner from the onset can lead to much more fulfilling, promising relationships with a great deal of compatibility and potential...albeit significantly fewer in number.
It certainly requires much more time and patience, and understanding that adherence to such a plan could potentially cause the threat of long bouts of loneliness to be real as you've severely narrowed the "dateable pool".
But in the end, among all the unnecessary heartaches averted, you only come out stronger and wiser...With a better introspection of yourself and what you have to offer that special person, if and when they do come along.
At the same time, how will you know if he/she is marriage material without making them your boyfriend/girlfriend and being in a relationship with em first?
Not everyone wants to get married and/or live together.
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a.) Not all breakups have to be traumatic nukes of pain and drama. I've met people who parted ways respectfully when they realized the time had come, and remained at least cordial if not friends. I only mention this because the breakup option is presented as being eminently undesirable.
b.) My Great Aunt was a widow. She never remarried. She had a "friend" who called her every night, and they golfed together and went out together and went on vacation together, and while no one acknowledged it, they sure acted like a couple. One did not ask this woman about her sex life, but if I had found out that the two of them did have sex I would not have been shocked. At any rate, they definitely dated, a lot, for years. They lived separately. Eventually he died and then she did about 2 years later. They were both in their 80's.
Longterm companionship without marriage is definitely possible, even if it falls outside of the typical paradigm.
People need to date for a while before they decide to marry.
A break up before marriage isn't that much of a failure. If you are talking about a 1 or 2 year relationship, both sides got something out of it. Those failed relationships are way better than the one & done or two & done dates that lead nowhere.
The way I see it, except in extreme and rare circumstances, there will only ever be two possible outcomes to any relationship:
You're either gonna get married, or you're gonna break up.
If you meet someone with the intent of a relationship who doesn't really seem like they'd be a good husband/wife, then what's the point of making them a boyfriend/girlfriend when the only other eventuality (barring death or "life partner" status) is a break-up?
Approaching dating as "looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend" can easily lead to regret about "time wasted" with someone you probably never would have married anyway...But approaching dating as "seeking a husband/wife" in a highly-selective manner from the onset can lead to much more fulfilling, promising relationships with a great deal of compatibility and potential...albeit significantly fewer in number.
It certainly requires much more time and patience, and understanding that adherence to such a plan could potentially cause the threat of long bouts of loneliness to be real as you've severely narrowed the "dateable pool".
But in the end, among all the unnecessary heartaches averted, you only come out stronger and wiser...With a better introspection of yourself and what you have to offer that special person, if and when they do come along.
Okay, thanks for sharing and making me appreciate being married to Mr. CSD even than before, and I already appreciate him endlessly.
I get what the OP is saying...for those of us who do eventually want a long term, committed relationship that leads to marriage, it's going to be the wrong one until the right one comes along.
Go preach your 'courtship' model over on the fundie forums......that is where that thinking comes from.
Wow, you must have had a really rough weekend.
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