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I think if they had more sex, they'd have less time to fixate on non-issues like abortion.
Just like more sex solved your deal-breaker issues with the woman you ended things with? Seeing as how things ended it's safe to say sex didn't solve or distract you from inherent differences.
Just like more sex solved your deal-breaker issues with the woman you ended things with? Seeing as how things ended it's safe to say sex didn't solve or distract you from inherent differences.
The woman I spoke of, was crazy. Not like, "oh, I disagree with her, so she must be crazy" type crazy, but certifiably, clinically ****ing insane. There were a number of reasons I broke it off with her, first and foremost, her being an ultra-hypocritical Christian fundamentalist, who would misquote and misrepresent the bible to justify her behavior while also using it to indict and judge another's behavior.
This seems a whole lot different than a disagreement between pro-life and pro-abortion.
The woman I spoke of, was crazy. Not like, "oh, I disagree with her, so she must be crazy" type crazy, but certifiably, clinically ****ing insane. There were a number of reasons I broke it off with her, first and foremost, her being an ultra-hypocritical Christian fundamentalist, who would misquote and misrepresent the bible to justify her behavior while also using it to indict and judge another's behavior.
This seems a whole lot different than a disagreement between pro-life and pro-abortion.
you really have your crosshairs on me tonight
I'm wondering how you got to the first date without knowing she was a fundie. I could not date one even though I do believe in God and in Christ. And there are so many of them in the dating pool. If there is a "find a liberal" dating site, I need to find it.
The OP needs to decide what is important to her, if he's prince charming but the one issue is bothering her... than she needs to figure out if he's worth it.
It seems like a shame to let one issue keep you separated.... I mean life is long and hard and rough at times and finding someone that you mostly get along with is not all that easy....
Mrs. Chow and I on paper would never work... for a whole plethora of reasons, but we seem to be plugging along doing pretty well... I know when I was still working I looked forward to coming home to see her.... and that it a pretty big indicator of a marriage....or relationship, do you actually like to be around that person...
Pros and cons list..... jot them down and go from there. I know that seems sort of clinical but at least it will provide some insight into how things are between them.
if ya got a whole bunch more in the pro's category, well, it might be food for thought.
+1. There is no logical reason for the Mr. and I have to made a decent match (starting with the fact that he is an ordained minister and I'm an agnostic atheist). Not saying we have it all figured out or anything, but there comes a point where you just let each other be who you are. I think both of us are the type who fares better with someone who is completely different, or else we'd be bored without the challenge.
The woman I spoke of, was crazy. Not like, "oh, I disagree with her, so she must be crazy" type crazy, but certifiably, clinically ****ing insane. There were a number of reasons I broke it off with her, first and foremost, her being an ultra-hypocritical Christian fundamentalist, who would misquote and misrepresent the bible to justify her behavior while also using it to indict and judge another's behavior.
This isn't exclusive to fundamentalist Christians. Many self-declared "conservatives" do this, including the kind who identify as staunchly pro-birth. So, yeah, not exactly something anyone or everyone wants to overlook or ignore. You do realize that the deal-breaker may not be one position, but an entire ideology from which that position originates?
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This seems a whole lot different than a disagreement between pro-life and pro-abortion.
And for most people who are more than passively pro-birth or pro-choice there are a lot of other factors that can contribute to overall incompatibility. More than just minor differences. He's staunchly pro-birth... okay, is this based on a religious principle or doctrine? If so, what is the basis for this position? What other staunch beliefs could present issues?
Also, if an individual has serious issue with another person's religious views dictating the doings and happenings of others then it should be no surprise there are compatibility issues. What if you met a woman you really liked, were really into, but she did not believe in divorce... you know, how it used to be. Considering until more recent decades, before divorce became more socially acceptable, divorce was unbiblical and social suicide. So if someone believed strongly that it should be banned you'd take issue with that, right? What if said person believed only religious or equally-yoked individuals should be able to marry?
You (and others) may be able to overlook these issues and others, but there are many who can't plug our ears and ignore inherent incompatibilities. Just like I'm sure many can't/won't be with someone they're not attracted to, physically or other ways.
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you really have your crosshairs on me tonight
Just killing time until The Walking Dead comes on.
I'm wondering how you got to the first date without knowing she was a fundie. I could not date one even though I do believe in God and in Christ. And there are so many of them in the dating pool. If there is a "find a liberal" dating site, I need to find it.
She was not as advertised... we can say that.
Our first date, I took her to a real nice restaurant in a trendy part of town, and it was a Friday evening, so of course the place was packed. She walks up to the table, as I had gotten there first (and thank god was already sipping on some alcohol) and we give each other a slight hug, then proceed to have drinks and chat. Nothing ultra religious came out of that chat, all was going swimmingly. If fact, I really liked her for about 20 minutes.
Then, we get our food. I lay my napkin out on my lap, so does she. Then I proceed to start eating, and she looks at me as if I dropped my pants, stood on the table, and started peeing on our meal. She says "Uh, you're forgetting something!!" Grabs my hand, and breaks out into an obnoxiously loud prayer in front of the whole place, with clear intentions on making sure everyone could hear it, and I was beat red.
We eat, have more drinks (a lot more drinks), then had a great night, no more religious stuff.
Then as we start to hang out more and more, her belief system became stronger and more oppressive, then the judgmental stuff started, and it was all down hill from there. The real deal breaker was that her belief system did not match her actions and behavior. Be a "fundie" all you want. Be an atheist all you want, but you better not be a hypocrite, and that she was.
I can usually get along with almost anyone, but one thing I've learned in my 32 years of life, and if you want to lengthen your life, steer clear of anyone who leans ultra right or left. It's not worth the hassle and headache.
I'm wondering how you got to the first date without knowing she was a fundie. I could not date one even though I do believe in God and in Christ. And there are so many of them in the dating pool. If there is a "find a liberal" dating site, I need to find it.
Right? And why would such a staunch fundie date or pursue someone who holds antithetical views to their own? I was a very conservative fundamentalist Christian in another life, and I sure as hell wouldn't have dated anyone who didn't identify as a conservative Christian. There was/is a big importance placed on being equally yoked, of like minds, within this and most of conservative evangelical culture.
OKC is fairly diverse and progressive, at least in my experience. But I think the biggest factor is region/location, because your results are dependent on who is available in your area, what the majority demographic is. If you're searching for someone who is progressive in the Bible belt, outside major cities, you'll have a difficult time finding good matches. Best cities for me were PNW, Bay Area, L.A., Denver, Atlanta, D.C./NOVA, Chicago, So Cal, Northeast and other metro areas.
Dating would suck for religious fundamentalists in places like Portland, Denver, NOVA, etc.
Some people aren't so politically inclined that they mind their significant other having different views. Some are. You need to ask yourself how important this issue is for you.
I have some experience on the matter. I dated a conservative years ago, although when he first approached me and found out I was pretty liberal, he called himself an "independent." We only dated for a few months, but in that time I learned how very lock-step conservative this guy was, to the point that he would speak offensively and abusively about liberals, including me. Toward the end he told me that my liberalism was something he "hated" about me. He actually used the term "hate."
Flash forward to eight years later, he continues to stalk me and say horrible things about me regarding my career, my political beliefs, etc. So yeah, I'd never risk dating a conservative again.
Then there's another aspect: can you respect someone with his beliefs? If he thinks women who have abortions are s luts, or evil, can you respect that? I couldn't, but your mileage may vary.
If he's that worried about the issue coming between you, it could be that he doesn't respect your opinion and, like the guy I dated, will end up not respecting you. Granted my case was extreme and the guy is cuckoo bananas, but only you know for sure if he is capable of that. Trust your gut here.
And don't just be with him because he's mostly great except for disagreeing with something that's important to you. If this is an issue that is important to you, then the two of you are not compatible. If it isn't--carry on and don't sweat it.
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