Fantastic guy, but there's one problem (man, child, pregnant, couple)
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It took several weeks for me to be able to discern a clear pattern a religious hypocrisy
I gave her an honest chance
I am not a mind-reader
Yeah, because people are so honest in their online dating profiles.
I'm sure hers would have read "I'm very religious, and hold very strong biblical convictions. However, I follow none of them, and I intend to judge you when you don't either"
Meta, you seem like a very smart girl. But dang...
Actually, I came across a lot of profiles that put it all out there. Most were proud to state they were religious and wanted the same in a partner. That was pretty typical.
I won't claim they're all honest, but the vast majority of men I dated once I was more serious about dating, were open and honest. I can't imagine why someone part of a majority group would hide their religious beliefs, especially when said beliefs are the norm in many parts of the country.
Religion and politics were easy to screen for, and I filtered based on these two criteria, along with match %, when I was on OKC.
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Originally Posted by MissClutterbuck
Admit it, the girl was just hot enough to get away with the crazy for a little while.
Actually, I came across a lot of profiles that put it all out there. Most were proud to state they were religious and wanted the same in a partner. That was pretty typical.
I won't claim they're all honest, but the vast majority of men I dated once I was more serious about dating, were open and honest. I can't imagine why someone part of a majority group would hide their religious beliefs, especially when said beliefs are the norm in many parts of the country.
Religion and politics were easy to screen for, and I filtered based on these two criteria, along with match %, when I was on OKC.
Oh, good flippin' grief, Meta! Ok, one more time -- and sound this out while you read it -- IT WASN'T HER RELIGION THAT WAS THE DEAL-BREAKER, IT WAS HER HYPOCRISY.
Additionally, I would not refrain from dating someone who was religious just as I wouldn't refrain from dating someone who was atheist or anywhere in between. I do not indict people based upon their personal beliefs, even if I don't believe them myself.
I would, however, refrain from dating anyone who admitted they were an opinionated, over-bearing, hypocritical, political and/or religious zealot. I do not enjoy being around one-uppers, know-it-alls, or hypocrites.
I understand many have no problem admitting their political and religious affiliations on a dating profile, just as they would their height and hair color, but many times, they also fail to mention they are an as$hole, too.
Someone please drop a Volkswagen on my head. Please.
Oh, good flippin' grief, Meta! Ok, one more time -- and sound this out while you read it -- IT WASN'T HER RELIGION THAT WAS THE DEAL-BREAKER, IT WAS HER HYPOCRISY.
Additionally, I would not refrain from dating someone who was religious just as I wouldn't refrain from dating someone who was atheist or anywhere in between. I do not indict people based upon their personal beliefs, even if I don't believe them myself.
I would, however, refrain from dating anyone who admitted they were an opinionated, over-bearing, hypocritical, political and/or religious zealot. I do not enjoy being around one-uppers, know-it-alls, or hypocrites.
I understand many have no problem admitting their political and religious affiliations on a dating profile, just as they would their height and hair color, but many times, they also fail to mention they are an as$hole, too.
Someone please drop a Volkswagen on my head. Please.
Yes, the crazy ones never tell you they're crazy!
I'm convinced there's a certain subset of wingnuts and other zealot-types that put up normal-sounding profiles with the intent of luring in someone to convert and control.
Oh, good flippin' grief, Meta! Ok, one more time -- and sound this out while you read it -- IT WASN'T HER RELIGION THAT WAS THE DEAL-BREAKER, IT WAS HER HYPOCRISY.
Hell, if it's hypocrisy that's the issue then that applies to a [bleep] of people, not just fervent fundamentalists. lol
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Additionally, I would not refrain from dating someone who was religious just as I wouldn't refrain from dating someone who was atheist or anywhere in between. I do not indict people based upon their personal beliefs, even if I don't believe them myself.
If it works for you then great.
Quote:
I would, however, refrain from dating anyone who admitted they were an opinionated, over-bearing, hypocritical, political and/or religious zealot. I do not enjoy being around one-uppers, know-it-alls, or hypocrites.
Opinionated? lol A lot of people have opinions and express them passionately. You've done so here. You've also made a lot of generalizations and erroneous statements, too. Just sayin'.
Quote:
I understand many have no problem admitting their political and religious affiliations on a dating profile, just as they would their height and hair color, but many times, they also fail to mention they are an as$hole, too.
Someone please drop a Volkswagen on my head. Please.
True. There are definitely a$$hats of all kinds everywhere.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasperJade
Yes, the crazy ones never tell you they're crazy!
I'm convinced there's a certain subset of wingnuts and other zealot-types that put up normal-sounding profiles with the intent of luring in someone to convert and control.
I wouldn't doubt this.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 10-19-2015 at 10:46 AM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
I met a fantastic guy about two months ago, we are hitting it off really well, get along great, have fun together, work well together. Just had a 36 hour road trip with him and not one bump the entire trip (even when we got a little lost, no stress involved). He's a perfect gentleman. He likes to help people and is kind and compassionate. He is a fireman, and they do far more medical calls to homes of people who are struggling than they do fire calls. He has never said a judgmental word to me about anything he sees, which I think says a lot about his character. He will DO anything for you, but will not give you money!
I've been single for 8 years and met a lot of guys, but this is the FIRST one I've EVER met in that time that I felt had long term potential. That is saying a LOT. Because I can find a dealbreaker in a guy and lose interest pretty fast. None of his flaws to me are the slightest bit worth losing interest over. I am determined to make this work!!! I feel and think that we are a good match.
So, on our drive home last night, he raised a subject that has come up before. He is staunchly pro-life and has a firm, long-considered position about this particular issue. He says it is EXTREMELY important to him that his SO have the same point of view about this. And he is concerned that since I am pretty liberal, this will become a sticking point with us.
He is conservative about many things, but is not a racist, does not judge others, and doesn't rock the boat or get upset if there are Trump jokes flying around. He seems to be very tolerant and understands that we all have our own ideals and that makes the world go round. He does not toe the party line, nor follow Republican dogma blindly. He doesn't like to pay taxes for programs he doesn't agree with (who does?) but seems willing to admit that certain things aren't working and something does need to be done. He is his own person and acts ethically in all instances, as far, as I can tell. I can say the same things about myself re: the Democratic party. We both seem to have a good grasp on the realities of politics...that neither party can solve all the ills of the world. NONE of my other points of view on current issues have phased him, I'm not dogmatic about politics, I care about human beings first. I don't go around trying to change people's opinion to match my own. I'm an educator and librarian, so I like to know that people have all the facts, but they can make their own decisions from there.
So why is a woman's opinion on THIS particular issue SO Important to him? Can anyone help me understand? We are in our late forties so pregnancy is a thing of the past for us personally.
He expanded at length about his point of view, and I said very little. My thoughts on the subject are multilayered and deeply personal, I don't really share them with anyone. To me, this is not a black and white issue, and while I don't feel I could ever label myself Pro-Life based on anyone's definition, I am certainly sensitive to those who do. I don't think my SO needs to share my perspective, and I don't feel a need to tell him, nor do I really need to know his ideals on that issue. My opinion on the subject is not likely to color any of my daily choices. I strive to make ethical choices for myself at all times, and that is clear to people who know me.
I'm conflicted. On one hand, I would like to do everything possible to make this relationship work. Obviously I can't just lie and say "Oh, I'm pro-life also" so we can ride into the sunset.
I'm somewhat offended that there is ANYTHING that he feels he can be judge and jury about. Who is he to judge my opinion on such a layered issue when he has no idea what factors and experiences in my life have led me to develop my point of view? I don't judge his point of view, why would he need to judge mine? How is he qualified to do so? Why is he so tolerant of so many things, but gets hung up on this one thing? Why not the death penalty? Or water boarding? I'm not being asked to justify my feelings about any other thing.
He has been very clear about this. He is worried this issue will tank our relationship. I feel I am being pressured to come clean about my point of view. What I don't know is, do I tell him the breadth and depth of my feelings on the subject and let him interpret it as he will? Because it would take a long time and never come out as a clear black and white response. I just can't see this issue that way.
OR should I tell him that his insistence on this particular issue as a requirement for our relationship is offensive to me and that, to me, is the dealbraker?
I can usually walk away from relationships that I feel won't work with a bit of sadness and regret, then move on. But this one would hurt very deeply. I really have strong feelings for this guy.
You are with the wrong person when you are afraid to share your innermost thoughts and feelings. That is never a good indicator for a long term healthy relationship.
If you are honest with yourself, you'd recognize that you are more than just "somewhat offended" by his judgmental attitude.
I'm also curious why you added the comment about him not giving anyone money? That was a random remark, but you used an exclamation mark, then never touched upon it again. Odd. Can you clarify? I suspect that there is more than one red flag waving here.
It sounds like you are lonely, and you know how hard it is to find someone compatible. So it's tempting to put on rose-colored glasses and tell yourself that no one is perfect. But in my opinion, one can't afford to look the other way on character flaws and differences like this. I would be very cautious.
Zealouts on either side of this issue are moronic at best and have views shaped on their hatred of those taking the opposing view more than their own personal convictions (see the cesspool subforum known as "politics and other controversies" for confirmation). And it's childlike to throw away an otherwise good match on something as devisive as the abortion issue. But to be fair the the OP, the guy was the one to bring it up first.
Last edited by Philosophizer; 10-19-2015 at 02:20 AM..
Okay, it's done. I sent him an email about it because I wanted to get all my feeling and thoughts out without interruption. And because I don't want him to feel like i'm jumping down his throat, which might come across if I tried to tell him all that in person. He has the day off, so we'll see how long it takes him!
Okay, it's done. I sent him an email about it because I wanted to get all my feeling and thoughts out without interruption. And because I don't want him to feel like i'm jumping down his throat, which might come across if I tried to tell him all that in person. He has the day off, so we'll see how long it takes him!
You emailed it to him ????
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