My girlfriend is having a coaching sessions with a male friend of her and i'm very very jealous about that. What should (emotionally, relations)
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Timber, you're projecting. I'm not judging your past relationships, just questioning your definition of exclusivity. I've had posters on this very message board claim discussing relationship problems or sexual issues with a friend of the opposite Sex is emotional cheating and never acceptable. If you disagree then good for you. However, OP obviously feels it a violation of his trust in his gf and he needs to address his very real and legitimate concern.
Nowhere in his posts has he said she is going to be discussing relationship or sexual issues with this guy.
OP's concern may be real but it is far from legitimate. It's a bit wacko. He's said nothing that would cause a rational, stable person to feel threatened or concerned.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by April R
Timber, you're projecting. I'm not judging your past relationships, just questioning your definition of exclusivity. I've had posters on this very message board claim discussing relationship problems or sexual issues with a friend of the opposite Sex is emotional cheating and never acceptable. If you disagree then good for you. However, OP obviously feels it a violation of his trust in his gf and he needs to address his very real and legitimate concern.
No, I'm not projecting. You stated my monogamouse/exclusive relationships were not what they actually were, based on your definition, which is an odd one that includes controlling the other's friendships.
And of course discussing sex isn't emotional cheating. Stupid opinions are just that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by April R
Was engaged?
Yes, we called it off, mostly over her desire to have children changed during the relationship.
Timber, you're projecting. I'm not judging your past relationships, just questioning your definition of exclusivity. I've had posters on this very message board claim discussing relationship problems or sexual issues with a friend of the opposite Sex is emotional cheating and never acceptable. If you disagree then good for you. However, OP obviously feels it a violation of his trust in his gf and he needs to address his very real and legitimate concern.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Nowhere in his posts has he said she is going to be discussing relationship or sexual issues with this guy.
That's the thing. The OP has made it clear that he is simply very jealous that she is spending time with this guy - it doesn't really make a difference if he is a life coach, therapist, etc. - and I doubt it would make a difference what they were discussing. And we have no idea what they are discussing. The only think that we know is that she is seeing a life coach.
I'm married. I have male friends. My husband has female friends. It's never been a problem. I'm close friends with my ex-boyfriend and have been for many, many years. I'm also friends with his wife. My husband gets along very well with both of them. This has also never been a problem.
Nowhere in his posts has he said she is going to be discussing relationship or sexual issues with this guy.
Exactly!! I don't know where everyone is getting any of this from, other than from the OP's own insecure paranoia.
Here's all that's happening:
A friend of the OP's girlfriend is getting some sort of certification in, we'll say life-coaching. (Hell, in reality he could be getting his PhD in psychiatry and is asking his friends to help him with his dissertation. Who knows? The OP seems pretty clueless about the specifics.)
The friend asked a group of friends, including the OP's gf, to help him.
The OP's gf is having sessions to help the friend get his certification.
Being that the OP's gf HAS HER OWN BRAIN and is an autonomous human being, she is doing something to help a friend.
Yet somehow, everyone has decided that this means she's telling him all her sex secrets and all about her relationship issues with the OP.
Honestly, I'm calling BS on this thread to begin with, since a so-called 30 year old divorced man can't even get his story straight, but if it is for real, the OP is the one with the issue.
In fact, he escalated the thread to use that classic manosphere/MGTOW c word: cuckold.
it doesn't matter if "men and women can't be friends." It doesn't matter if "the OP's girlfriend might develop feelings." What matters most about this ENTIRE thread is that the OP has no trust to begin with.
Someone like that doesn't belong in a relationship. Get your head straight, OP. And if you did break up with her, like you said you were going to upthread, you did her a BIG favor.
OP's concern may be real but it is far from legitimate. It's a bit wacko. He's said nothing that would cause a rational, stable person to feel threatened or concerned.
He didn't give us a lot of details for sure. Only Op knows the extent of the validity of his voncern.
That does matter. It's super painful to be in love with someone you know won't love you back and being friends is nearly impossible if they know. Also on the flip side it's super awkward to be the one someone is in love with when you can't reciprocate and makes you feel like crap knowing they want to be more than friends when you can't see them that way.
But we don't know that any of this is true in this case. Also, it doesn't matter (or shouldn't) to the OP and his concerns. He's imagining that the "coach" has a thing for his gf (which may or may not be true, he declined an offer to meet the guy to size up the situation) and furthermore--that his gf would give in if the "coach" made any moves in her direction. If she's not interested in him on that level, it doesn't matter even if he makes a move, because she won't reciprocate. Women don't respond to advances if they're not interested in the guy; that's what the OP needs to understand.
But the whole scenario is complete conjecture on the OP's part. Or paranoia, some might call it. The OP doesn't even know what his gf is discussion with the guy; it may just be career and life goals type of stuff. The OP is flipping out over, potentially, nothing.
I think if he continues to freak out over this, he won't find himself in a relationship much longer, anyway.
Get help, OP. I'd suggest talking to your gf about it some more, but her reassurances aren't likely to calm you down, plus, your frequent harping on the subject could drive her away from you. Anyway, it sounds like the coaching is fairly short-term, just to give the coach some hours to count toward his certificate. It will blow over probably in a couple of months. But your level of emotion over this issue doesn't bode well for a long-term relationship.
Exactly. I got over my insecure, jealous, possessive a-hole phase when I was 20. I had to learn the hard way but glad I did.
How did you get over it? Any tips for your fellow men who struggle with this? I imagine you didn't just magically wake up one day, "over it".
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