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I am currently involved in a friend with benefits arrangement that is complicated due to several things.It seems that there are just diminishing returns and where as it began as one thing where there is a basic exchange. it has morphed into something where my needs are not met and i'm unhappy and i feel that it is further and further away from what we first agreed . We are going back to the drawing board to re-evaluate . i want to be fair yet express my needs without sounding like a pig or being a tool. the problem is also that my feelings and emotions are involved along with the activity that we have .I am having a problem ending this , afraid of the consequences and how that will effect our friendship . afraid to lose the sensual/ sexual intimacy part of our relationship.
however this friends with benefits situation seems to be ending and although she says she wants to try and make things better until it ends .Lately, I am hearing from her conversation that she wants it to be over with but she is doesn't want to terminate the arrangement entirely ( Christmas is tied to this arrangement). I am feeling that if we are not going to continue the terms fully and both of us honor the orginal terms then money should definitely be taken off the table or less money should be provided as it is diminishing rapidly.If either one of us can't keep our end of the bargain it should be terminated or at least changed . we have been involved for more than a few years and this year price has doubled this Christmas but service has greatly diminished lately to be fair because of situations beyond control .I am trying my best to be understanding and loving and caring but I also feel that it is getting to the point where it is not worth it anymore . I am trying to not this be entirely about my needs or ego. I am stressed out about this .
It just seems to me that it is becoming less and less and I'm hanging on to nothing at all. There isn't anything to look forward to and i am about to say forget it but there is a child's happiness involved .I happen to love her and her child. Which is one of the reasons why i continued to support this not the only reason because like anyone else i wanted something out of it too. A part of me doesn't want to quit yet for more than one reason but perhaps with your helpful advice I can face the facts and let this go. I fell in love with her and I will never love this way again. I do all that i can to give her happiness but i think that unless this arrangement can be more fair , it will end badly and bitterly . I am trying to work things out and hold out for four more weeks but the original agreement was for three months. I have fulfilled two of the months ahead of time. Do you believe it fair for a person to continue to honor an agreement fully when the other person cannot fulfill their part of the agreement? And if one person can have demands or needs to be met. Shouldn't there be reasoning that the other person involved in the agreement have their needs met also? If it is of your opinion that i should state my needs . do you have any suggestions of how i can do so diplomatically without being a tool?
Please tell me is your advice to let things go and end a good friendship ? or do you believe that we are not friends anymore anyway. sometimes i feel stupid that agreed to this arrangement in the first place. There are constant limitations and things keep changing that effect me and the relationship. In your opinion should just tell her to forget it and let her worry about how she is going to continue to meet the demands of Christmas alone. Am I right to want some things for Christmas also. So tell me how do i approach this? and work things out for the next 6 weeks. if you feel it best to end this and forget even the friendship ? My worry is that ending this fwb relationship is going to effect our friendship in harmful ways and she is also concerned about it . I know its going to end but I feel pushed.What are your thoughts and how?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Why would you end the friendship?
When FWBs go south, the solution is almost always end the benefits and invest in the friendship. "Agreements" that are between two people need reevaluation and revision from time to time.
I have no idea why money is being mentioned. That's just odd. Why the heck is money being mentioned? And what does Xmas have to do with anything?
So if you stop having sex with your friend, you can't have Christmas with her anymore?? Am I reading that right?
If the F in your FWB is for real, then the B shouldn't matter. Too many people get the friends with benefits concept confused. You are FRIENDS. Just because you don't sleep together anymore doesn't mean the friendship should be over.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,256 posts, read 4,300,455 times
Reputation: 13451
What you're doing is disgusting and with a child involved even more so. Get a woman more appropriate for you and end this so called relationship. Calling it FWB is a joke, as it's more akin to prostitution. Wake up.
What you're doing is disgusting and with a child involved even more so. Get a woman more appropriate for you and end this so called relationship. Calling it FWB is a joke, as it's more akin to prostitution. Wake up.
How did you understand the post enough to get prostitution from it?
A sugardaddy agreement for 3 months was signed but OP wants to terminate the lease early? Probably because he's not getting fair use of the facilities?
I am feeling that if we are not going to continue the terms fully and both of us honor the orginal terms then money should definitely be taken off the table or less money should be provided as it is diminishing rapidly.If either one of us can't keep our end of the bargain it should be terminated or at least changed . we have been involved for more than a few years and this year price has doubled this Christmas but service has greatly diminished lately to be fair because of situations beyond control
Yep... sex for money is NOT FWB.
It is prostitution.
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