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Old 10-26-2015, 01:26 AM
 
Location: TheNorthEast
277 posts, read 270,666 times
Reputation: 295

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Cheating is not the best solution to get our needs met, and should not be used unless there is absolutely no other way. But also, when you get married, you kind of expect sex from your partner. If that wasn't the case, why get married, in the first place?! So just because you are married and with kids, it doesn't mean one should tolerate a sexless life until death does them part. That's just unfair, cruel and not human/natural. When there are no kids involved, the solution is easier- you try to reconcile with the spouse; it doesn't work- you divorce.

However, when there are kids involved, what's better? to have a sexually frustrated parent who isn't happy (and that will reflect on how kids are raised, and possibly lead to overt fights between parents), or to have divorced parents, or to have parents who are both happy because they silently and discretely get their human needs met elsewhere?

Ya'll seem to be really concerned with the kids' welfare here. Who disagrees that kids are happier with a mother and a father who are civil with each other and not bitchy? If the solution for that is for mom or dad or both to sleep on the side, why not? it's not the ideal situation, but given the circumstances, it's the best one out there.

I personally am getting divorced at the moment, but for me it's easy: no kids. All i'm giving up is the house and the comfort. If I had small kids, i am not sure this would have been just as easy; most likely i'd stay married for them to grow up in a complete family, and look for casual sex on the side. Just the honest, no BS, non-self-righteous truth.

 
Old 10-26-2015, 11:11 AM
 
1,285 posts, read 1,285,189 times
Reputation: 1730
If both you and the wife are no longer sexually interested in each other, you should open up dialog and discuss an open relationship. This enables you to be totally open with one another, which will preserve your marriage. Most will not understand how it's possible, but for the right people, it works. It will only work if she is in total agreement about this. That way, when you hook up with someone who goes rogue on you, it won't matter. Be prepared for your wife to embrace this, and possibly have better "luck" than you have...this is where you must take everything into consideration when you go this route....are you mentally strong enough to handle what may happen, if your wife suddenly discovers this dormant need she never had satisfied by you. If you are, then go for it.

My biggest concerns for just cheating, is that you will get caught. The questions you asked, the examples you gave, just give me the gut feeling. You don't have friends or co workers "cover for you....that's a guaranteed bust. You could also lose the respect of your friends and coworkers, or gain resentment...the only people who should know are the two or three who are involved.

Try the open relationship route, because I think you aren't the type who could pull it off without eventually getting caught. I don't think a person who thinks he is an esteemed member of his community would want to create the double life necessary to do what you want to do.

If you must cheat, good luck, and be prepared to weather financial and emotionally draining consequences. Guys who get away with it, DONT ask for advice online. They probably have been doing it for most of their life and have learned what it takes to get away with it. And even when they get away with it, the game you must play to keep the two parts of your life separate, take a lot away from the pleasures you get.
 
Old 10-26-2015, 03:57 PM
 
Location: NW Indiana
44,312 posts, read 19,982,912 times
Reputation: 115165
This thread is closed. OP, the forum is for relations questions, not advice on sex or cheating. The thread is off-topic for the forum and will remain closed. Inappropriate posts have been deleted.
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