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Now I mean you cannot be a creepy loser about it, nor just sit in the break room and ask out everything with a nice set of boobs that walks through the door, but if you ask a female coworker if she is married, she says no, and you say "wanna go out sometime" that will NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS be considered sexual harassment, trust me.
Thanks! I'll take your Internet advice to heart. You're obviously a legal expert who knows everything there is to know about these things. Fantastic!
Quote:
Originally Posted by YaFace
If you are going to live life with the paranoia that "she might make up lies and charge me with sexual harassment" then seriously why even leave the house. I have NEVER ran into people at work like this. Usually the people who do this are not gainfully employed. Please don't get brainwashed by certain people, live your life!
Wrong. You're implying that someone who doesn't ask women out @ work won't ask them out anywhere - this is not the case. There is a HUGE difference between a guy asking a woman for a date at work & a guy asking a woman for a date out in public somewhere (i.e., a setting like a club, bar, grocery store, etc.). If a guy asks a woman out on a date @ work & she's overly sensitive & gets upset about this, she can go to HR & report the guy, which may very well ruin his life & cost him his job. Conversely, If a guy asks a woman out on a date at a club/bar/restaurant/grocery store/etc. and she doesn't like this, what is she going to do - ask the business to throw the guy out? If so, so what? The guy's lively-hood isn't threatened in that case. However, a guy's lively-hood IS threatened if his employment is negatively affected, and/or terminated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by newdixiegirl
Well, now. You must be quite a man. While you, of course, would be totally cool if she were to break up with you, she, of course, would go off the deep end if you were to break up with her.
It seems, LBD, either you are a man a woman couldn't possibly live without, or you believe all women are bat**** crazy, vindictive and unprofessional. Or is both?
Both In all seriousness, I have broken up with women in the past & have sometimes been stalked by them as a result. I've had to change my phone # - twice - in one particular case. Once, I even had to move because of this. I tend to attract women with stalker-ish personalities.
Does anyone remember the Jodi Arias case? She was a stalker, and did have stalker-like tendencies before she committed the heinous crime against her ex-boyfriend.
This is partially why I'm only into FWB "arrangements" with women these days. I tell a woman ahead of time that I'm not into monogamy, settling down, etc. If they're not cool with that, it ends before it began. If they are cool with this, great!
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 10-25-2015 at 07:57 PM..
Link me just one case, JUST ONE, they do not exist. This stupid kind of myth is perpetuated by dudes who can't get dates and are afraid to ask a woman out at work.
Now I mean you cannot be a creepy loser about it, nor just sit in the break room and ask out everything with a nice set of boobs that walks through the door, but if you ask a female coworker if she is married, she says no, and you say "wanna go out sometime" that will NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS be considered sexual harassment, trust me.
Um, with all due respect, take some time to look around on-line for the idiotic things people have sued others over. Sometimes they win, sometimes they don't - but in all cases, the target is pretty well hosed even he or she is lucky enough to remain gainfully employed and not slandered into a criminal or (in the case of this thread) a "creepy pervert."
Yes, in a SANE world, suing somebody for sexual harassment because they asked you out would not happen, but we do not live in a sane world.
Um, with all due respect, take some time to look around on-line for the idiotic things people have sued others over. Sometimes they win, sometimes they don't - but in all cases, the target is pretty well hosed even he or she is lucky enough to remain gainfully employed and not slandered into a criminal or (in the case of this thread) a "creepy pervert."
Yes, in a SANE world, suing somebody for sexual harassment because they asked you out would not happen, but we do not live in a sane world.
Thanks! Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way on here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24
Yes, I agree strongly! I actually had to transfer to another unit, because I was falling in love with a supervisor! I know way better than to even insinuate!
Good move. At my job, managers dating their subordinates is definitely against company policy.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 10-25-2015 at 08:19 PM..
Was just about to make a similar thread to this...
I'd like to share my office-romance-gone-bad tale, in hopes of advice or at the very least, to serve as a cautionary tale.
I've been working at a non-profit (of no more than two-dozen employees) for the better part of two years now. Early on in my time here I met this girl who worked in a different department/floor. From the start I thought she was cute, but didn't pursue because a) I was then a lowly intern, b) didn't want to cause awkwardness at work and c) didn't want to get burned.
After being promoted to paid employee, we gradually begun chatting and hanging out for lunch...I'd say our relationship organically progressed in the way that jade408 described w/the "Non-harasser" a couple of posts back.
I think that we both liked each other, moreso on my part as I'd become infatuated, to the point where I almost forgot the consequences of romance in a REALLY small workplace. This all culminated in a dinner date a couple of months back, which went wonderfully for the most part. However she turned me down shortly afterwards, claiming that her feelings didn't grow beyond friendship as she'd expected. Ouch.
I took it pretty hard, but tried to maintain some semblance of friendship and mutual respect. Not just for the sake of our jobs, but because we were friends before feelings came in the way...sure trying to fool myself, aren't I? It initially went well but she gradually became distant. Perhaps she still felt unrequited feelings from my part. Perhaps she wasn't interested in maintaining any kind of relationship. I'm really not sure but it happened, and it hurt. Silence and awkwardness developed as we'd stopped communicating. She's apparently taken to another co-worker/mutual friend in that time and hangs out with him often, which sucks to say the least.
We addressed the fallout recently and have kind of come to terms, so we're cool now, yet never again like we were pre-dinner date. Still, unrequited love has morphed my dream job into a nightmarish roller-coaster, and it's been hard to move on when someone you once felt deeply for is just a mere flight of stairs away. Advice anyone?
Advice? Don't ALLOW yourself to go there in the future. Keep work in a professional category, and your dating life separate. Dating co-workers just muddies the waters. Now...you are living through an awkward stage.
Infatuation can be as dangerous as continuing the dating. It just messes with your mind....yes?
Thanks! I'll take your Internet advice to heart. You're obviously a legal expert who knows everything there is to know about these things. Fantastic!
Wrong. You're implying that someone who doesn't ask women out @ work won't ask them out anywhere - this is not the case. There is a HUGE difference between a guy asking a woman for a date at work & a guy asking a woman for a date out in public somewhere (i.e., a setting like a club, bar, grocery store, etc.). If a guy asks a woman out on a date @ work & she's overly sensitive & gets upset about this, she can go to HR & report the guy, which may very well ruin his life & cost him his job. Conversely, If a guy asks a woman out on a date at a club/bar/restaurant/grocery store/etc. and she doesn't like this, what is she going to do - ask the business to throw the guy out? If so, so what? The guy's lively-hood isn't threatened in that case. However, a guy's lively-hood IS threatened if his employment is negatively affected, and/or terminated.
Both In all seriousness, I have broken up with women in the past & have sometimes been stalked by them as a result. I've had to change my phone # - twice - in one particular case. Once, I even had to move because of this. I tend to attract women with stalker-ish personalities.
Does anyone remember the Jodi Arias case? She was a stalker, and did have stalker-like tendencies before she committed the heinous crime against her ex-boyfriend.
This is partially why I'm only into FWB "arrangements" with women these days. I tell a woman ahead of time that I'm not into monogamy, settling down, etc. If they're not cool with that, it ends before it began. If they are cool with this, great!
You are obviously dating psychos and you are overly paranoid. You missed the part where I said you have to be smart about it as well. Most people's don't date psychos and have no problems dating people at work, because, believe it or not, most people AREN'T crazy, and most people get into normal relationships that might end in marriage. No offense, but you might attract psychos because you are not into normal relationships, dating, etc. There aren't many ladies wanting to be in the "hit it and quit it" category.
Um, with all due respect, take some time to look around on-line for the idiotic things people have sued others over. Sometimes they win, sometimes they don't - but in all cases, the target is pretty well hosed even he or she is lucky enough to remain gainfully employed and not slandered into a criminal or (in the case of this thread) a "creepy pervert."
Yes, in a SANE world, suing somebody for sexual harassment because they asked you out would not happen, but we do not live in a sane world.
Well you can't live your life off of the actions of a select few psychos. If everyone did that, they you might as well not leave the house in case you would get shot up, and everyone would be single and no one would have kids. Keep in mind that city-data is NOT the real world, despite everyone thinking it is. Most people date people, get into a normal relationship, and if it doesn't work, then they amicably part ways. Do I have percentages, of course not, because it's a subjective statement, but if you are smart about whom you date, writing off coworkers complete (because you are afraid of sexual harassment lawsuits) is being overly paranoid and being an idiot.
The main reason we don't ask out women in the workplace is they can report you for sexual harassment and get you fired
the second reason is no matter how it ends you or she will either have to quit, transfer, or work in awkward situation
worse case is you date and it ends badly...do you want to see her every day
better case is she says no, awkward...do you want to see her every day
good case is you are dating and its wonderful...do you ALSO want to work with her all day
absolute worst case is you hit it off and get married...ugh...do you want to spend your entire day and evenings with your wife...maybe yes at first...but eventually one of you will have to make a change
good news is how often do people work for the same company or in the same group for 10+ years
There are a lot of marriages and long-term relationships due to work romance. More so than sexual harassment lawsuits for sure.
For small work environments it's probably not ideal but for big companies where you work in different departments that's okay.
Some people have passed an opportunity of finding a life-term partner by not dating at work. And on a lot smaller scale some have avoided having to find another job.
The main reason we don't ask out women in the workplace is they can report you for sexual harassment and get you fired
the second reason is no matter how it ends you or she will either have to quit, transfer, or work in awkward situation
worse case is you date and it ends badly...do you want to see her every day
better case is she says no, awkward...do you want to see her every day
good case is you are dating and its wonderful...do you ALSO want to work with her all day
absolute worst case is you hit it off and get married...ugh...do you want to spend your entire day and evenings with your wife...maybe yes at first...but eventually one of you will have to make a change
Good points. You bring up yet ANOTHER reason why I don't think dating women @ work is a good idea: I.e., even if I were looking to get married (which I'm not), I wouldn't want to date someone at work with the idea that it would work out re: a LTR because I wouldn't want to see them @ home & also at work too - I would need a break from having to deal with a wife's nagging, hassles, etc. If I had to see her all day at work & go home to her too, it would be a living hell....
Quote:
Originally Posted by YaFace
Well you can't live your life off of the actions of a select few psychos. If everyone did that, they you might as well not leave the house in case you would get shot up, and everyone would be single and no one would have kids. Keep in mind that city-data is NOT the real world, despite everyone thinking it is. Most people date people, get into a normal relationship, and if it doesn't work, then they amicably part ways. Do I have percentages, of course not, because it's a subjective statement, but if you are smart about whom you date, writing off coworkers complete (because you are afraid of sexual harassment lawsuits) is being overly paranoid and being an idiot.
Again, you're not making sense. So, just because I don't want to date women I work with I may as well stay home and never leave the house?! Bull$#@!! I've traveled all over the world, leave my house all of the time, and actually find myself in sketchy, borderline-dangerous situations on a regular basis (I work in a major metropolitan area, and take public transportation every day to work - which is filled with sketchy people); also, as I've said - I've dated women who have ended up stalking me, which is also definitely potentially dangerous. However, because I don't like the idea of dating women I work with because I don't want to jeopardize my good job, that makes me paranoid?! Well, if so, I'm glad. If I weren't, I may be out of a job & on the unemployment line!
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 10-26-2015 at 09:24 AM..
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It initially went well but she gradually became distant. Perhaps she still felt unrequited feelings from my part. Perhaps she wasn't interested in maintaining any kind of relationship. I'm really not sure but it happened, and it hurt. Silence and awkwardness developed as we'd stopped communicating. She's apparently taken to another co-worker/mutual friend in that time and hangs out with him often, which sucks to say the least.
